There's no way you can get closer to the Lord if prayer and the reading of the word is nonexistent.

Okay, i must admit...i haven't been doing my quiet times as consistently as i want to. I want to blame it on school. But I don't want to make excuses for myself. God is my center, my world, my all. Why can't I spend time with Him like I spend time with my friends? where I get to know Him through one on one communication or through reading his divine journal. It seems to me that i've lost a sense of who I am in God. I have sense of urgency right now. As if I need to know God before something bad happens. If indeed my inkly is correct, I need to escape now.

greetings.

I'm updating in the library. I just finished the letter i'm required to write for my scholarship. It's due in 7 hours? (looks up at clock), yes. 7 hours. Now, i'm taking my break and giving you the full detail of what my life has been like in the last two weeks, since i've been lacking in informing you on the insignificant events of my mundane life. First off, i am sick. In elaboration from my last post, I found out I was sick when I was working on Calculus in the Library this past Sunday. I was periodically coughing while I was busy doing work so I decided to leave early (sorry Tram for not being there!). It got worse that night. But, slowly but surely, I'm recovering as the days go by. What else? Yes, I went to Las Vegas for my Thanksgiving Break. I know, I know. Not your traditional family get-together. But all that mattered to me was that I was able to spend time with Michael and my parents once again. Although I didn't spend much time with Andy or Daniel, I am grateful for the time we did spend together. As for Eric, I miss you very much and I do really honestly hope that I get to see you during this Christmas break. I also didn't get to see any of my homegirls. =( But delayed anticipation makes the reunion that much better. hehe. Okay, okay. Las Vegas was fun. I ate a lot. I ate a lot of Chinese food. We ate hot pot for two of the nights and had dim sum the last day we were there. I was hoping to catch up on some sleep, but that didn't happen because there was always something to do. I watched Mamma Mia and the "O" show at Bellagio. Shopped. and yeah. No big deal. Been there so many times that it's just the same old thing. Again, i want to reemphasize how I treasured my time with my family. Classes have been biting me in the behind. I thought I was ahead, but then I'm not. I thought i was getting the grades, but no, i'm not. There is this one class the frustrates the brains out of me. But I'm looking ahead and preparing for the worst. I'm definitely not looking forward to that final.

As for how am i doing? Well, I don't even know that for sure. I've been so caught up with my thoughts that I have forgotten if I'm happy or sad today. Perhaps, i'm just waiting for the prize at the end of the road.

Things to look forward to:
AFC potluck
One-on-One with Apphia =P
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Christmas
Family Time
Birthday
Having life slow down at home
Genuine alone time with God

the end.

:cough:

:cough:

strep throat once again. I feel like a mute. It hurts when i talk. Please pray.

2 Corinthians 1:5
"For just as sufferings of Christ flow over our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

1 Corinthians 1:27
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

God, I pray you break my heart. Mold me into the woman that i'm meant to be. I'm tired of aimlessly living a life without ALL of you. Let me be sensitive. Let me be caring. Let me love as you love, God. Often times, i see my heart becoming bitter or indifferent. I wish to be more like you. You know my thoughts from afar. You know my aspirations. You know who I will be in the next ten years. I pray that you just be with me. All I ask is that you be with me. I ask of nothing else, but your presence in my life. You reign in my soul.

greetings.

CHEST PAINS! THAT'S what they're called! YES!

Okay, yeah. My chest really hurts sometimes...especially after I eat. =/ so i'm in my current state of lethargy with chest pains.

An update on what I did this weekend? Sure, I have nothing better to do.

1. On Friday, I skipped my 8 oclock class because I felt as if i deserved a break for not having slept for a few days. But ironically enough, I woke up at 9 and couldn't go back to sleep. English class droned on for 50 minutes. It's always like that on Fridays because all of us are super restless by lunchtime. Ate lunch right after @ 1:00 with Zoe, Hanna, and Kristina...oh and as well as Andrew (he was soo big pimpin with 3 girls). I have picked up a new habit since I've begun my education @ Baylor. That is, playing with my food. I find so much delight in artistically arranging the remainders of my as well as others' waste. I know that people are starving in 3rd world countries with hunger to ail them. But that's redundant. How is my wasting my food going to feed the other world countries? I guess it's more of a psychological reasoning. STop messing with my mind!

So yeah, I play with my food. I like to make art out of it or just keep my hands occupied. Andrew is my new best friend. He encourages me by helping me add the ingredients to my work of art. hehe. Anyway, after my daily session of food playing, i decide to go to Draper and sit/relax on a swing. I spent some alone time contemplating about random thoughts that have been boggling my mind. I wrote pages upon pages in my journal, pouring into it every detail of what was going on in my mind. I miss those days where your mind and your heart agree to rest and relax. It was precious time to me. After my date with God, I started to walk in the direction of the library to have more alone time to read. To my left, I saw Zoe looking cool in front of Carroll Science Building and I head on over to chit chat. I kept her company until Robert arrived to escort her to the SLC. Then I was on my way to the Jones Library to attempt my reading.

I read for maybe a hour and then slept until it was dinner. =P My idea of efficient and productive use of time. Met up with Kristina, Phuong, Peter, and Peter's friend for dinner @ Memorial. Some good times talking to the girls. After dinner, AFC time: Worship was awesome. Operation Christmas Child. Wing Stop. Suspension bridge with Mario, Peter, and Kristina, Princess Bride @ Aaron's.

2. Saturday: I literally stayed in bed the entire day. It felt gooood. Then @ night went to eat hot dogs and movie with Peter, Daniel, and Steve. They are a strange bunch of boys. I saw a side of them that i've never seen before. I guess boys just act weird when they're together, especially if they grew up together. Movie was gooood. I had fun. Mystic River? Never heard of it? Yeah neither did i. But it was an edgy movie. Go see it when you get the chance. Then we head out. Along the way, we decide to go to Katie's Custard cause the rest of the gang was probably loitering there. It was good to see girls again. hehe.

THEN our destination geared towards Taco Trailer for some good grub, according to Steve. And it's true, he doesn't have bad taste. I think it was my first time eating brain. =P But yeah we loitered some more. And onto Jairo and Robert's place for an array of games or movies. TEXAS HOLDEM!! yay! I love that game. I must have my dose of it every week. urmm had some whoppers...yummy yum yum. I love those malt balls. They just melt in your mouth. sooo gooood. After playing for a while I got tired so I let Peter win -=P Just to make him look better.

Diane took me home cause Peter was still playing and it was late. I got home and went to sleep @ 3.

3. Went to Highland today, guys. I gotta tell ya. I never have felt so convicted in my life. Pastor Barry spoke about Evangelism like no other. It makes you just wanna step outside and speak to a random stranger about God and his grace and glory. That's how the Spirit moved me today. Please pray and go.

Apphia is super duper awesome. She takes me to church every week. I hope it's not a burden for her. Right when i get back to the dorm, I find my door unlocked. I thought Christina would have left for Church under the Bridge, but she hadn't! I was so excited! I eagerly asked her if I could go with her because apphia and I were talking about going! SO i went with her, Megan, and Rozmin to Church under the Bridge. New experiences just keep happening to me. Oh man, it definitely was out of my comfort zone. One was because we were outside for church. Two was because I was sitting next Rozmin. She's a Muslim and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her head as the preacher talked. I tried to remember what did I think of the words of Long when I was still a pagan. That's so mind boggling. Who knew, 5 years later, I'd be where I am. OH MY...

So that's my weekend in a flash. I'm about to leave for flag football when my brain feels like mush. Not so sure about playing but we'll see.

the end.

greetings.

I'm running out of gas. I pulled a sort of all nighter. I took a few naps here and there. But yes, indeedy i feel like i've been productive and very studious. Yes, yes. I believed I worked my butt off. Two tests back to back?! Curse of the Devil. Luxury of taking naps?! God Send.

Oh geez, i think there's something wrong with my body. I have this aching feeling in my heart, physically not "emotionally" =P (gee that was corny)

Anyway, yeah i ate lunch with Zoe, Peter, and Andrew today. I had a cup of ice tea, then i needed to eat because it felt like i haven't eaten in decades. So i get a salad. After a few bites, my aching got worse. =( So now, after this entry, i'm going to go pray and know that God is going to comfort me.

If i seem kind of offstandish today....wait, i'm offstandish everyday. So nevermind.

But seriously? I found out the worst news that I could have possibly imagined yesterday night. Forgive me if I don't seem friendly or loving. I just need to sort things out with God.

the end.

Oh man, oh man... I love eating @ Memorial. The food sucks. But the music is awesome! Tonight, they played 80s music! And you know how happy i get when 80s music is on?!?! Super Duper HAPPY! =)

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

Day 28: It Takes Time

There are no shortcuts to maturity.

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.

When you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses it flavor. In America, tomatoes are usually picked unripened so they won't bruise during shipping to the stores. Then, before they are sold, these green tomatoes are sprayed with CO₂ gas to turn them red instantly. Gassed tomatoes are edible, but they are no match to the flavor of a vine-ripened tomato that is allowed to mature slowly.

While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how strong we grow. God views our lives from and for eternity, so he is never in a hurry.

Lane Adams once compared the process of spiritual growth to the strategy the Allies used in WWII to liberate islands in the South Pacific. First they would "soften up" an island, weakening the resistance by shelling the enemy strongholds with bombs from offshore ships. Next, a small group of Marines would invade the island and establish a "beachhead" - a tiny fragment of the island that they could control. Once the beachhead was secured, they would begin the long process of liberating the rest of the island, one bit of territory at a time. Eventually the entire island would be brought under control, but not without some costly battles.

Adams drew this parallel: Before Christ invades our lives at conversion, he sometimes has to “soften us up” by allowing problems we can’t handle. While some open their lives to Christ the first time he knocks on the door, most of us are resistant and defensive. Our pre-conversion experience is Jesus saying, “Behold I stand at the door and bomb!”

The moment you open yourself to Christ, God gets a “beachhead” in your life. You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren’t even aware of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That’s okay. Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his. There will be struggles and battles, but the outcome will never be in doubt. God has promised that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”

Discipleship is the process of conforming to Christ. The Bible says, “We arrive at real maturity – that measure of development which is meant by the ‘fullness of Christ.’” Christlikeness is your eventual destination, but your journey will last a lifetime.

So far we have seen that this journey involves believing (through worship), belonging (through fellowship), and becoming (through discipleship). Every day God wants you to become a little more like him: “You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are becoming like the One who made you.”

Today we’re obsessed with speed, but God is more interested in strength and stability than swiftness. We want the quick fix, the shortcut, the on-the-spot solution. We want a sermon, a seminar, or an experience that will instantly resolve all problems, remove all temptation, and release us from all growing pains. But real maturity is never the result of a single experience, no matter how powerful or moving. Growth is gradual. The Bible says, “Our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.”

Although God could instantly transform us, he has chosen to develop us slowly. Jesus is deliberate in developing his disciples. Just as God allowed the Israelites to take over the Promise Land “little by little” so they wouldn’t be overwhelmed, he prefers to work in incremental steps in our lives. Why does it take so long to change and grow up? There are several reasons

We are slow learners. We often have to relearn a lesson forty or fifty times to really get it. The problems keep recurring, and we think, “Not again! I’ve already learned that!”–but God knows better. The history of Israel illustrates how quickly we forget the lessons God teaches us and how soon we revert to our old patterns of behavior. We need repeated exposure.

We have a lot to unlearn. Many people go to a counselor with a personal or relational problem that took years to develop and say, “I need you to fix me. I’ve got an hour.” They natively expect a quick solution to a long-standing, deep-rooted difficulty. Since overnight, it’s unrealistic to expect them to go away immediately. There is no pill, prayer, or principle that will instantly undo the damage of many years. It requires the hard work of removal and replacement. The Bible calls it “taking off the old self” and “putting on the new self.” While you were given a brand new nature at the moment of conversion, you still have old habits, patterns, and practices that need to be removed and replaced.

We are afraid to humbly face the truth about ourselves. I have already pointed out that the truth will set us free but it often makes us miserable first. The fear of what we might discover if we honestly faced our character defects keeps us living in the prison of denial. Only as God is allowed to shine the light of his truth on our faults, failures, and hang-ups can we begin to work on them. This is why you cannot grow without a humble, teachable attitude.

Growth is often painful and scary. There is not growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain. Every change involves a loss of some kind: You must let go of old ways in order to experience the new. We fear these losses, even if our old ways are self-defeating, because, like a worn out pair of shoes, they were at least comfortable and familiar. People often build their identity around their defects. We say, “It’s just like me to be…” and “It’s just the way I am.” The unconscious worry is that if I let go of my habit, my hurt, or my hang-up, who will I be? This fear can definitely slow down your growth.

Habits take time to develop. Remember that your character is the sum total of your habits. You can’t claim to be kind unless you are habitually kind – you show kindness without even thinking about it. You can’t claim to have integrity unless it is your habit to always be honest. A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not faithful at all! Your habits define your character.

There is only one way to develop the habits of Christlike character: You must practice them – and that takes time! There are no instant habits. Paul urged Timothy, “Practice these things. Devote your life to them so that everyone can see your progress.”

If you practice something over time, you get good at it. Repetition is the mother of character and skill. These character-building habits are often called “spiritual disciplines,” and there are dozens of great books that can teach you how to do these.

As you grow to spiritual maturity, there are several ways to cooperate with God in the process.

Believe God is working in your life even when you don’t feel it. Spiritual growth is sometimes tedious work, one small step at a time. Expect gradual improvement. The Bible says, “Everything on earth has its own time and its own season.” There are seasons in your spiritual life, too. Sometimes you will have a short, intense burst of growth (springtime) followed by a period of stabilizing and resting (fall and winter).

What about those problems, habits, and hurts you would like to miraculously removed? It’s fine to pray for a miracle, but don’t be disappointed if the answer comes through a gradual change. Over time, a slow, steady stream of water will erode the hardest rock and turn giant boulders into pebbles. Over time, a little sprout can turn into a giant redwood tree towering 350 feet tall.

Keep a notebook or journal of lessons learned. This not a diary of events, but a record of what you are learning. Write down the insights and life lessons God teaches you about him, about yourself, about life, relationships, and everything else. Record these so you can review and remember them and pass them on to the next generation. The reason we must relearn lessons is that we forget them. Reviewing your spiritual journal regularly can spare you a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache.The Bible says, “It’s crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we’ve heard so that we don’t drift off.”

Be patient with God and with yourself. One of life’s frustrations is that God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly slow progress you’re making in life. Remember that God is never in a hurry, but he is always on time. He will use your entire lifetime to prepare you for your role in eternity.

The Bible is filled with examples of how God uses a long process to develop character, especially in leaders. He took eighty years to prepare Moses, including forty in the wilderness. For 14,600 days Moses kept waiting and wondering, “Is it time yet?” But God kept saying, “Not yet.”

Contrary to popular book titles, there are no Easy Steps to Maturity or Secrets of Instant Sainthood. When God wants to make a mushroom, he does it overnight, but when he wants to make a giant oak, he takes a hundred years. Great souls are grown through struggles and storms and seasons of suffering. Be patient with the process. James advised, “Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed.

Don’t get discouraged. When Habakkuk became depressed because he didn’t think God was acting quickly enough, God had this to say: “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not overdue a single day!” A delay is not a denial from God.

Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. Years ago people wore a popular button with the letters PBPGINFWMY. It stood for “Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet.” God isn’t finished with you, either, so keep on moving forward. Even the snail reached the ark by persevering!

Tonight, I played counter-strike for the first time in history. I tried playing it once on Mike's computer, but yeah, i got bored so that doesn't count.

I was hanging out at Peter's place and watching them play VC? Big 2? whatever they were doing...i wasn't really paying attention (sorry guys). I was just off in my own little world of daydreaming. Then Daniel goes and says, "you look bored." I guess when i'm daydreaming, i look bored? hehe. So he offered to teach me how to play counter-strike. I was thinking, "uhh no thank you...i don't want to learn how to curse again" but somehow my body pulled my legs into gear and i started walking towards the computer.

He started rambling on on what keys i was to press. They were pretty easy. He's a good teacher. He just talked way too fast for me to keep up. so yeah, after playing 20 minutes, i noticed my potty mouth starting to stir. I was so close to saying those awful words. I mean it is so frustrating because you find yourself lying on the floor because you didn't know which key was the reload button. Or you forgot which keys were left and right to keep from getting shot. I find myself going back for more cause i wanted to kill, KILL, KILL!!! What kind of person have i become, i asked myself. It was quite odd. Yeah i should stay away from that game as much as i can.

After counter-strike, came cards, Mario tennis, matrix, and a short, and i mean short game of chess, one that i didn't even finish. I end up staying until 4.

Before Peter's place, we were at the library doing our usual lack of studying, or at least my usual lack of studying. My stupid floppy disk is seriously from the devil. He has put some curse on all my floppy disks for that matter. I couldn't get it to work so i'm going to have to do some office space action up on my floppy disks. cause they suck!

But anyway, after staying at the library for perhaps 3 hours? (let's start from who i think is the oldest) Ron, Mario, Michael P., Peter, and myself go to Starplex to watch Matrix Revolution. I soo enjoyed this better than the second. Maybe it was because it felt shorter because it was the last one. Or perhaps the action sequences were cool. Or even that there wasn't a sex scene. I find myself with satisfaction of finally finishing the trilogy. Not a good trilogy, but a decent one.

Okay i know i'm not in sequence of order for the events that took place, but it is alright because I am up at the butt crack of dawn doing this so it is okay if my brain is not functioning.

But this morning...or saturday morning (not to confuse you) i went to the parade, the Homecoming Parade. It was fun. I liked it. My favorite part was the cheerleaders. I wanted to be a cheerleader. I wanted to be perky and fun and get people riled up. But nah, i found that nobody liked the cheerleaders and i didn't want to be disliked, no no.

After parade, we head on over to Big Daddy's for some goood eatin'. YUm yuM yummers. I enjoyed that burger like no other. and then i went back to the dorms and slept cause i was dead turd.

what else? oh and hyunji, like the doll she is, went to the library just so she could give me the lock to lock the bike that she gave me. Can you say, gracious? Oh my. I can't believe it.

okay, the end.

it frustrates me everytime i see a bird

Greetings fellow man,

I'm in desperate need to fit in. I never really belong into a certain group. I didn't really associate myself with a particular stereotype in High School, but I also didn't really have any close friends. I'm afraid that i've fallen back into my normal attitude of making friends and developing relationships in Waco. I'm indifferent.

Last week, my devotional honed into the meat of relationships, with family and friends. I tried to make myself available and vulnerable to everyone, but I felt shot down. Maybe it's the devil's scheme, or maybe it's my own ignorance. I have no idea. Or perhaps, I like the idea of self-pity. I've grown accustomed to it. I've grown to understand myself through it. I'm not one to be necessarily easy going or even approachable. I wonder what it means exactly, to have self-pity.

I'm sorry.

My mom gave me great advice the other day. She told me to go somewhere where I can hear only my thoughts and my heart. To go somewhere with no distractions and just sit and talk to myself. I need a period of time where I can just be real with myself. I despise my flaky nature and am afraid that i've been so busy with school and events that i've forgotten God in my midst. Yes, I have devoted myself to this one devotional book, but it doesn't mean that God is truly glorified by simply reading words off a page. When was the last time i sat alone with God, his word, and my heart? ...not since forever

I want to be intimate with God. Yesterday, I felt God was trying to reach out to me somehow. Everywhere I went, i felt a tug in my heart, a soft whisper of my name. I have forgotten who loves me the most. I've created gods among my family, my friends, my work, and my stuff. It sucks. Why is it so hard to go back to the throne room of God? Maybe, i need to forgive someone. Maybe, i need to ask for forgiveness from someone. Or perhaps, I need to forgive myself. Myself? doesn't that sound selfish?!? Apparently, if I can't forgive myself, how can i forgive others?

I'll get back to you when i'm okay.

you are listening to: Oceano - Josh Groban

Josh Groban's album Closer comes out November 11th! Woohoo! I've been anticipating his sophomore album for quite some time now.

Oh my, i love that man.

I went to eat lunch at Memorial today. I had a good time. Why? you ask...because the background music was Nsync's first album. It brought back memories of utter fanatic insanity. Oh, how I miss my adolescence. Listening to "I want you back" and "Tearin' up my heart" totally made my day. =)

what can i offer to the table of Christ?
what can i do to to put a smile on His face?
what do i bring as a gift of gratefulness?
what do i do when i see the glory of God?
what can be done to show that i need Him?
what do i do to feel the embrace of a Father?

So many questions about how to approach and please God.

I find myself out of words. I can't help it. I'm speechless of how great my God can be to me. Words cannot describe just how big He is. I'm blinded by the light of his majestic glory. Truly, what can we say to describe just a glimpse of God's Glory? He doesn't only deserve our praises, he deserves everything...not just our spiritual "self". He deserves our work, our family, our friends, our everything as a burnt offering...

He deserves my work, my family, my friends, my everything. Let's bring a grateful heart to God and let's offer everything we got!

Today is October 21st. It is Apphia Yu's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

If you don't know Apphia, shame on you!

greetings.

Aiyah. I'm tired. This weekend was full of events. I've never done so much within a three day span. I spent the whole weekend with the upperclassmen.

Thursday - Day with Apphia: movie partay at Jessie's (not really a party =P)
Friday - Hillsboro Outlets, Walmart, and Spaghetti dinner with Apphia, Alex, and Jessie
Saturday - AUSTIN!: Firebowl, Drag, and JASON MRAZ

Saturday was totally the highlight. I got to see everybody agaiN! We met up at Firebowl. I know I didn't get to talk to them as much as I wanted to, but i was too busy chowing down on my bowl of food...mm yum. Yeah, soo good too seee theem.

I MISS YOU GUYS SO FREAKING MUCH!!

Oh and we also picked up Cherry from Jester! I thought I'd never see her again after that first week October, and yet, we meet again. It was fun walking down the drag. Even though the only thing i bought was UT shorts, i'm so a betrayer (is that even a word?) There was this tattoo and piercing shop on the drag. I was soo tempted to go in and get my eyebrow or cartilage pierced. =) but indeed, i will someday.

Dropped Cherry off at 5:30, and we were on our way to accomplish our main mission, to go to Jason Mraz/Johnny Lang concert. Somehow, we managed to pass our destination 3 times because we couldn't see it. But that's okay. The concert made up for it. We got into the mosh pit and waited maybe an hour and a half til the concert was underway. Jason Mraz was sooooo gooood. He convinced me to buy his cd, that's how good he was. I was scared that I wouldn't like him, oh but i doooo. 3 weeks ago, if you asked me who was Jason Mraz, I'd shrug and say "who cares?"...but now? oh boy, i may become a fanatic again. Somehow, he has a way of swooning women over. Maybe, it's his voice. Maybe, it's his talent. But boy oh boy, it's definitely for his booty dance. =)

I also found out what weed smells like. After Jason Mraz (sigh) was finished, there was an "intermission" as all the teenage girls left and the bong smoking crowd packed themselves in the crowd. So they were smoking as if it was like drinking water. When I looked up, I saw a cloud of smoke, not coming from the smoke machine on stage, but from the people around me. I looked over to Jessie and gave her the what-in-the-world-is-that-smell look...but i knew the answer already. It was quite hysterical. it's a "you should have been there" event.

Johnny Lang. I remember, that he was on the Disney Channel a few years back. Disney Channel had sponsored new hip, up and coming talents at Disney World. Which is ironic because yesterday night, he was playing at an arena full of people that were high or drunk. =? ::speechless::

We were talking on the way home that it was a good thing for us to get out of waco once in a while. It's nice to step out of the Baylor bubble and realize that things aren't always censored. And you're never sheltered from the things of the world.

I don't like one-liners. It just proves that I don't have much to say. Okay but i also don't want to blog just for the sake of blogging. Things happen but usually, i like to read journals that are of substance. Some philosophical or spiritual message behind it. Of course, i don't offer much of that here. I just...

i dunno...


yeah,

HEAR ME RAMBLE ON AND ON
CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO
ALL DAY LONG

I'm freaking tired, i think. That's why my brain feels like mush. I got an exam tomorrow...I haven't started to study. Pray for my welfare.

i have this overwhelming desire to go to California.

greetings. enchiladas clog your throat.

...the kids here sure do study a lot...

so here's my two cents:

i got nothing.

I'm so boring!?! What the heck. I got nothing to say half the time. I got nothing to show people. All I got is God.

I'm not being chauvinistic about how spiritual I am, believe me. I've been through too much of nothing to be proud of half of the things i've done. But as I start to lay down the format of my life. To list the things that mattter to me the most, God seems to integrate himself in every aspect.

I truly am helpless without God.

"Father, this is my plea. Renew my being. Search within me that fire that once flamed brightly amidst the darkness. I have fleed from your presence. Please call me back, Holy Shepard. I was scared of your all-knowing power. I was scared that if you knew the deep recesses of my heart, there would be no way that you would have me as your daughter. But it says in your word that you have created my inmost being, you know my thoughts from afar, and you have unconditional love for me. What can I do, but praise you for who you are! Praise our heavenly Father for he desires all nations to come to his throne room! God, I just want you to know, that i need you. I am helpless without you. Overwhelm me with your power."

greetings.

I'm at the computer lab right now. I needed my dose of internet usage once more before i head to bed. Today was so packed. My fridays are so packed or it always seems like it.

I had a English paper due today. The entire grading process of the class is based on the papers that we turn in. I didn't do as well as i would have liked to on my first paper. Therefore, I spent hard hours working on this second paper. I really do hope for at least a high B. That's all I ask for.

Something happened after my 8 oclock class. I won't further discuss it. But I just wanted to vent a little about it. I'm tired of being so sensitive about how people treat me. I often feel like i'm being taken advantage of. As a result, I put up a front of who I am. I pretend that things are okay and that I'm a tough chick that has no problems. God has definitely revealed to me why he has made me sensitive. He wants me to be sensitive to his Spirit and really get into the nitty gritty of the majesty of God. ANd along with that, being sensitive to those around me so I can serve better with my heart on the line, being a little vulnerable than needed. My pride does get hurt though. See, there's the contradiction in me.

Aiyah, I shouldn't dwell on it too much. just brush it off, grace. just brush it off.

Urm, after class was done at 1, I head back to the dorms. Haena from Atlanta IMs me and invites me to her dorm. I'm like what the heck, i'm wasting time anyway. I might as well kill time at her place. We hang out and chit chat for a bit. Then we bombard Eva and her privacy and hang with her. We started to watch "Hero" starring Jet Li. Didn't really finish it, but that's okay. Afterwards, we went to Chilli's too for dinner, then to the sub for AFC meeting. AFC was cool. Phara (sp?), intervarsity staff member, came to talk to us about community. I was really encouraged about what she said. She gave an example through Acts 2:42-47 and had some great stories to tell. I liked how she included the analogy of her sister. She said something along the lines of how she loved to talk to people about her younger sister. Her younger sister was cool, hip, and just so trendy. As well as having a passion for God. There was this one instance where her sister was going to visit her at work and Phara would go around to the staff and just let everyone know that her sister was coming and how great she was and how she was this and that.

Wouldn't it be great if we did the same with Jesus. What Jesus did cannot compare to any human behavior. Then why are we so hesitant to share about Him? If Jesus was and is such a great influence in our lives as a Christian, then why don't we talk about Him to everyone?

...Just a thought to consider. I really wanted to go up to Phara and be like "wassup homegirl, you did a bang up job on speaking to us today, yo" but i didn't. Too shy... But next time, I will fo sho.

We had a great time of worship. Or at least i did. I love singing. And singing to God is even better. I was really able to focus on Him for a long time now. Praise God! =) After the meeting, a BIG group of us went "putt-putting" as Jessie refers to it (if you were there, I was giggling about it...if you heard me) urm, putt-putting was fun. I played with Kristina. I'm so glad I played putt putt with her. She's just such a joy to be around and she makes me happy. Besides, having to wait on people could have reallly tested my patience.

AFTER putt-putting (hehe), we went to Aaron's for food and movie. He has a super nouuice place. We watched Office Space. I've seen that movie so many times. And yet, I still laugh at the same parts. Yeah, some of the stuff is just really inappropriate. But yeah. not the greatest movie to go to sleep after....well at least for me...

So now, I'm here. In the lab. I hope Julia and Michael are having a good time in Austin! okie dokie

the end.

There are two factors in keeping me awake during Chapel:
1. there is a very good speaker.
2. very loud music.

I will further elaborate on number 2. I ADORE music~! possibly beyond idolatry. But forgive me. I just can't help it. I love soft music, but i love loud, head pounding music even more. Music that you can sway to, music you can get buck-wild to. Music to sooth you to sleep, music to wake the daylights out of you. So yeah, I've been having hourly naps in Chapel for the last couple of weeks. Those naps were good. But today~! yay! music, funk music today. I love it! i love it, i love it!

Salvador came to Chapel today. i'm still so excited about it! I love latin based music. I really do. I think i'm going to get their cd one of these days and jam' on it. I was in Cozumel over the summer. While I was on the beach, they were blasting Salsa music and it was soo fun! i was having a ball just hangin on the beach and getting my groove on. hehe. fo realz. Oh, so fuuuunnnny and cute. That bass player was like having his own little party for Jesus while playing the bass. He was soo cute. He was dancing and shaking his bon bon like no other.

Yesterday! we went to Hillsong! woot woot! i had a lot of fun. it was buck-wild for Jesus. The theme was Hope. I dunno, I enjoyed it for the most part. But there's something wrong, i think.

I use to be so drenched in the power of God when reallly engaging into worship. And, i've lost vision of what worship reallly is, you know? I really wanna rediscover God like discovering him for the first time. But, on a more superficial level, I loved the music. I love Hillsong a lot. At the end, they had a medley of all their songs, and i was having a great time singing the songs that i actually knew. For some reason, singing songs that have history behind them causes me to engage into God just a wee bit more. Like somehow, knowing the words to a song allows you to recognize who God is. Is that true? Does it help worship be more meaningful? I always thought if i just read the words of a song I didn't know, worship will be the same as if it was a song that i've known from birth. I dunno. Now i'm just babbling. I have that tendency.

Coming to college has made me realize that i really do like to talk. Just not with big groups. I like to babble with people, one on one. super weird. okie dokie...i had more to say...but i'll probably say it later.

the end.

okay, so no, not really... =)

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, striding along the candy store! It is Grace, hands clutching a meaty axe! She cries ominously: "By Odin's mighty spear, I shall avenge my ancestors!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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Yay! I have my own battle cry. Usually, I grunt, scream, or yell, "fFREAKING!" But, "By Odin's mighty spear, I shall avenge my ancestors!!!" sounds pretty cool. Might be too long. I'll start mumbling it soon, though.

So this week has been pretty hectic. I've been studying like crazy. I never thought that I could study for so long. My brain has been fried. So if i seem a little ditzy, it's because I am. I become absent minded and a little kookoo. =)

I'm also pooped. I had pulled an all nighter for my history exam on thursday night/friday morning. At like 6:40, I laid down for maybe a minute or so, to have a 20 minute power nap. The next thing I know, it was half past 8, 30 minutes into class! So, I mad dashed over to Tidwell Bible Building to see if I could at least have the last half of class time to work on my test. I open the door, and Parnell shoos me outside. I thought, "bloody hell, I'm too late". But he comes out and asks me what happen. I told him the truth, and he told me to come back at 2 to take it in a different class.

I thought, wow. That's so nice of him. I was so sure that I couldn't take it. So, for the rest of the morning, I studied my butt off because I really reallly reallly wanted to ACE the test. 2 oclock rolls on in, and i meet my fate of my first history test. As i was working on it, i was sooo amazed that I knew what was going on. yay! So yeah, I hope i did well. If not an A, I'm hoping for a high B. *crosses fingers*

THEN! I went swimming with Julia! It was awesome. I ADORE SWIMMING! I didn't know how much I missed doing laps. Oh, I seriously could have been there forever~! Afterwards, i went back to shower and rest before dinner at Chilli's and AFC. It was maybe 5:20 by then, i think. It hadn't occured to me that I hadn't had sleep for a day. *shrugs* But anyway, yeah AFC was awesome. We studied from Mark and talked about faith. Afterwards, we talked about missions. I missed talking about mission trips and how God imparts a passion for missionaries to just go out and preach the word. It was quite refreshing to say the least.

Afterwards, we went to Roberto and Jairo's (sp?) place for movie and games. We watched Harry Potter 2 and ate VELVET CAKE! forreals, that stuff rocks. By this time, I was knocking out. My head felt like mush. I was dead tired.

AND I didn't get much sleep on friday night either~! And time seems to pass by reallly slow. So it feels like ages since I've been home. Which is good or bad, depending on how you see it. But today, to keep it short because my fingers hurt, i went to library to meet hyunji and hanna, we ate at chilli's, and we roamed through walmart. okay time to sleep. church tomorrow! woot woot!

the end.

yesterday night, I was in the lab just checking email, browsing the net, and avoid having to study. and then suddenly, I burped reaally loud, obnoxiously loud. No inhibition. No trying to cage the gas. I just let out a big one. It's one of those burps where you know you've eaten way too much and had an obscene amount of Dr. Pepper. so yeah. i thought it was funny. Perhaps, I'm the only who thought it was funny. I was giggling afterwards... =)

okay, I'm going to go get some fattening dorm food now.

i think, I'm hungry. =)

what the? there's a secret menu at In-N-Out!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?! Oh my gosh, arggg. I have this insatiable desire to go to In-N-Out now.

Does anyone want to go to Cali, this Christmas? or Summer? Spring Break? Please just take me there!!!!

oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man......I am craving for some In-N-Out fo realz man.

I miss those burgers. AHH... please get me some!~

"People have always said, Christians should be colorblind, not caring about the color of other people's skin. But how is that reflective of who God is? God is not colorblind. He enjoys and takes delight in diversity, and we should too. We should not view a white person and an Asian person as the same, because they aren't, culturally. And God takes delight in that, so when someone says or prays that we be colorblind, please don't. Recognize people's ethnicities and their culture, and realize that we are not all the same, and respect that difference in everyone."
- Wayne Mok

"All Creatures"
Sr. Francis of Assisi

All creatures of our God and King,
Lift up your voice and with us sing
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong,
Ye clouds that sail in heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising morn, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear mother earth, who day by day
Unfoldest blessing on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

I had to take this test for Chapel. It sums up who you are through a series of questions.

You focus deeply on your values and devote your life to chasing ideals... you often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. You're creative and seek new ideas and possibilities. You quietly push for what's important to you, and rarely give up. You might be somewhat gentle or have a good sense of humor, you could be hard to get to know and overlooked by others...you like to make the world more in line with your vision of perfection.

If you're a teenager, you probably have a bit of a rebellious streak. You might argue with others who hold different values than yourself..you probably have a small close-knit group of friends...you can relax around these pals and be pretty entertaining, since you see the world in a different and special way... that's why your posts on the Storm Palace are so great!

Inner harmony is the most important thing to you. You're sensitive and loyal. You have a strong sense of honor concerning your personal values. You'd rather communicate your feelings in writing...

You do best in a flexible situation where the teacher/collegue takes a personal interest in you...you like to interact with your peers, but not TOO much ...you have both creativity and flexibility, and you like that about yourself....you don't get bogged down by details...your job must be fun and it must be meaningful to you....you don't wanna feel conspicuous so you'll sell yourself short just to avoid the spotlight...

You can be a gentle and subtle leader...being indirect and inclusive of others...you don't confront people head-on, but rather work with 'em to get the job done....you lead with your values in mind and let these guide you...you don't like conflict, so you don't confront situations directly.. you'd rather wait for a situation to work itself out....

Leisure and kickin' back is really important to you. sometimes it is hard to separate work from play, huh? when you find a new recreational pursuit, you do a lot of reading up on it...most of your leisure things are done alone, like reading, listening to music, and even BBSing....when you want to be sociable, you can be very charming and outgoing..

Love is a very deep commitment to you...it's not easily attained...you probably pick out flaws or are disappointed when he or she doesn't match up to your ideal as to what love should be like...first dates are very well set up to make sure everything is taken care of so it can be "just right." you might have a hard time sharing feelings about others...you tell so many feelings inside that you forget to tell your partner that you love 'em or whatever....

If the relationship goes bad, you take it to heart, but probably don't tell many others about it....you have a tendency to overreact, huh? Other things to watch for...don't get so caught up in your dreams that you don't consider others' points-of-view...you might not adjust your vision to the facts of a situation...you may need a "reality check" once in a while... also, don't try to please everyone and be so hesitant to criticize... don't delay projects 'cause you're holding out for perfection...it's not gonna come...don't get overly critical because no one matches your perfect ideals... you could lash out and it could get ugly.

INFP: "I Never Find Perfection"

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Ahh well. Nice to be reminded of what kind of personality I have.

Okay, so today is a good day, i think. I prayed extensively about "lover boy" and God has, once again, made me realize that I simply am not ready. Even if I was ready, I shouldn't think so much about it. Talked with Wynette for quite awhile and it helped a good deal. =) thanks buddy ol' pal.

Hopefully, more deep revelations will be revealed within the next day or so.

I'm very sick. blaah.

i want to die to rid of this pain.

the worst of it is, I have a paper due, two quizzes, and book that needs to be read by tomorrow.

God, please save me.

keahiwai - "falling"

i added a pretty song. But if you don't want it on repeat, just press the stop button on your toolbar =)

PressAnyKey

January 03

Extraordinary taste
dignity
cultivated airs
loves anything beautiful
moody
stubborn
tends to egoism but cares for those close to it
rather modest
very ambitious
talented
industrious uncontent lover
many friends
many foes
very reliable.

Please build me up.

i feel torn down, beat up, burned and thrashed.

Delicate me. Unable to grasp coherent language.

Please save me from my bondage.

Save me from myself.

Help me.

Rescue me from the quicksand.

hold me in your hands and tell me.

Okay, another quick note. This is so freakishly God. I've sung this song at every Christian event i've been to within the last few weeks. (CLC, AFC, HBC, HBBS)

"Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the
desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back
to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining
down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked
with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I'm guessing that when times are hard and even when times seem so good, I need to really focus my eyes on God, which I must admit, I haven't done. So it must be said that God is really the one to shine through in the midst of our turmoil and definitely in the midst of our joy.

Okay, a few updates.

My laptop. It's not fixed. I have no idea what's wrong with it. The guys at the campus computer store say they can't fix it. The guys from Best Buy say they can't fix it. It must be a sign...It must be a sign that I'm not suppose to have a laptop. =( That makes me sad. But oh well, we'll see. Maybe Super Shanno can help me out on my crisis.

AFC. Yes, I've decided. I'm going to be a member of AFC for the rest of the year. I want to see where the fellowship / small groups / worship goes. I'm excited.

Church. I'm going to UBC tomorrow! at least, I hope to. A bunch of girls from my hall are going to check it out. University Baptist Church is David Crowder's home church. The last time I saw him was at First Baptist in Houston, which was like right when I got back from China. So I'm excited about that. Oh, and definitely looking forward to a healthy dose of the Holy Word, yo.

Family. I miss my family sooo much. You cannot conceive the extent of my homesickness. I misss everybody so much. Even those that I'm not always in contact with, i miss you. Argg, I think I'm going to start crying in the lab...

til we meet again.

aloha.

Yet again, I find myself wanting to blog my unending thoughts to perhaps entertain or inform my audience. I'm having a good time here in Waco. I find myself enjoying the campus more than I ought to. Cause i figured that I'd stay here for a year and transfer elsewhere. But after walking around campus and meeting new people, I realize that I enjoy this setting that God has brought me into. I'm actually excited about what's going to happen to me this semester.

So, I went to AFC. I, surprisingly enough, enjoyed the company and the conversations. The warmth seemed to strike a familiar chord. I dunno. They just welcomed me with open arms. I already feel like part of their family. Well, we are family, but you know, a close knit family. But i think that's mostly on my part. We'll see.

okay, time to escape into my dreams.

til we meet again.

Lord, wash me in the water of the word
i lay me on the alter of your will
present me blameless without blemish, holy bride
white, Lord, purify your bride

Greetings.

At this very moment, I'm at the library getting my healthy dose of internet usage. I have been deprived of AIM for perhaps 3 days! I miss it so. And I won't get my laptop until 5 FREAKING days! That's far too many days. I was really apprehensive about letting go of my laptop because, in all honesty, I don't trust anyone with my laptop now. Maybe I just need to keep faith that God will fix my computer. Maybe I'm not suppose to use it because I've grown so attached it. Yeah, maybe...

Okay, so today was my first day of class. Everything is going along pretty well. Met some great girls in my hall and had some great talks with my roommate, Christina. I just miss everybody back home. I think I'm already homesick and just haven't cried yet because it hasn't settled in. I live a very personal and private life. Sharing a room with someone else is definitely different for me. I have to open to simple things like when she uses the mirror to put on her make-up. How she stays up using the computer while I'm sleeping.

I just came out of Chapel. It was quite a different experience for me. How can we all pray together when we don't believe in the same God? And, unfortunately for Atheists, it is a required class to take. The grade is merely dependent on your attendance of Chapel. *shrugs* I hope Chapel is more interesting than it was today.

I noticed that everywhere I go, people have dell computers. Dell is everywhere here. In the dorm rooms, library, computer labs. I wonder if I should have invested my money on a dell notebook...hrm. Wait! I'm not suppose to think about notebooks. It's making me frustrated beyond all earth.

I'm excited about tomorrow though. There's this club or ministry called Asians For Christ (which reminds me of Students For Christ at Clements). So I'm going there to check it out. Meet some brothers and sisters my same color. It's funny, whenever I run into asians, I would flash a smile and say "Hi" as if I know them or something. Because at Baylor, it's a rare occasion to run into a oriental. So I'm glad to see them when I can. Don't get me wrong, I love white people, or to be politically correct, Caucasians. But we asians have some kind of connection. We share some kind of history, or whatever. hah.

MAN, I left my favorite pair of pants at home!! arg. There goes my idea of efficient packing. I also left a great deal of stuff that I need here. Oh well.

Well, I am signing off cause these dell keyboards suck. hah. Nevermind, I wouldn't want to buy a dell.

Call me. I'm probably bored.

hi.

I'M IN COLLEGE!!

So yeah. I finally met my roommate. She's really neat. She has this great heart for God and I'm very happy that I'm going to be living with her. I think it's going to be a great experience for me to live with another girl, considering I've lived with boys my whole life. It's quite refreshing. As of right now, Christina (my roommate) is at a concert and I'm here in my dorm room (woohoo!). I'm literally pooped. I woke up at 7 in the morning to drive down here and have been running all over Waco, buying stuff.

Right now, i'm trying to figure what what's wrong with my laptop ( I'm using Christina's comp). So, bye for now.

hi.

i'm sad.

Please call me.

I am pooped.

I had a full daay. I woke up at about 12. Met up with Wynette at 1. Finally got to my dorm shopping that I have been avoiding since the beginning of summer. I got some essentials. I like shopping for stuff, rather than clothes. It's more enjoyable, I think. Afterwards, we went to givral for some good vietnamese sandwiches. err. I actually got a BBQ sandwich and she got noodles. I wasn't bold enough to finish the jalapeno. The bread is super hard. But i enjoyed it nonetheless. Hanging out with Wynette is always a good time to be cherished. We can laugh one minute and be serious the next. Her presence is always something I'm grateful for. Then, I watched OC with shannon and peggy. Oooohhh. i like that show. It's my new favorite show. I watched the premiere and I was hooked. It was about 5 when the show was over. And i was debating, whether or not I should go fishing with Irv and them. I felt as if I should have went home and spent more time with the family, considering the fact that I was leaving for college in a few days. But I also wanted to personally say goodbye to everyone. Oh how I'm going to miss my secondary family. So I thought about it for like 30 minutes and decided to consult with my daddy. To my surprise, he allowed me to go. =) yay! so I stayed at shannon's for awhile and enjoyed our conversations and giggling and what not. She is one of the most gentle person I know. I can be so at home with her and not even know it. We were both beginning to feel sleepy so we decided to go by starbucks and catch us some caramel fraps. Mm mm good. The guy who took my name introduced himself to me. I thought that was kinda interesting. AND I had the best parking space since the first time I've been in that area. Anyway, so we head out towards our adventure.

We arrive at Irv's to find that the missing persons were the Wu family, Kenny, and Dan. We waited on Dan for perhaps, 30 minutes? I'm not sure. It wasn't too bad, waiting for him. The ride to Galveston was fun. We laughed, we talked, we just enjoyed each other's company. I missed that. We arrive maybe 10 minutes after 9. Fishing is not easy, dude. I realize I have no patience in waiting for my line to catch. Kyle had to help me out with my bait a lot. hehe. I'd cast the line, and my hook, bait, and weight fly out into the gulf. hehe. I'm not good at fishing. But it's definitely an experience. Man, so after a few hours of being fishermen and hanging out on the pier, we left at about 12:30. Lisa wanted to eat TC. And so we did. The funniest thing happened as we were making our trip from Irv's place to TC. We saw johnny coming home! We saw an opposing car light and wondered who would be out this late. And then we spotted familiar shape of the car. As we approach closer, we were surprise to unveil that Johnny was coming home at 2 oclock in the morning! Hehe. So he decides to tag along with our train of cars. But he didn't really eat with us. I suppose he just wanted to hang out with the boys, considering he didn't know lisa and I were in the backseat. He went home after realizing TC's dine in was closed. So we went through the drive through and took it to Irv's to munch on our midnight snack. Again, we had some good conversations at the dinner table and enjoyed each other's presence. And so now, I'm home. I'm just recalling what an awesome day I had from just spending time with the people I really do love.

I think I'm really really going to miss everyone. Especially the girls. They are just so fun to be around. Even when we're tackling the hard knocks of life. Or giggling at the most ridiculous things. They will be missed terribly...by me.

Oh man, I also really enjoyed Lisa's dinner party. It was a fabulous time. I could hardly stop myself from laughing so hard. I am a laugher I tell you. I just had so much fun that it was ridiculous.

Yaf was a good time too. Chris gave one of those I-am-warning-you-about-yourselves-as-you-go-back-to-school speech. Hehe. It was a good reminder to keep my heart and mind to be guarded from the pains of the world. We ate lasagna. I am still stuffed from the extra piece that I shared with shannon. Afterwards, we took a group picture, just for me.=) yay.

Actually, I'm going everyone a great deal, not just the girls. When together, we just have a great time in fellowship and stuff. =)

I have so many great things to say about everyone. But not everyone reads this so. Maybe in the near future I'll make dedications.

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

By the grace of God, please leave me alone.
I am tired. Please go away.

Okay, so I'm back from a four day cruise. This is my second time going. I enjoyed this trip far more than the first one. I thought I'd list some highlights...

1. I enjoyed the free ice cream they had on the 10th floor buffet. Every morning, I'd wake up and travel upstairs to enjoy a cone of vanilla or combo of vanilla/chocolate. Every night, I would enjoy one while gazing into the sunset. good stuff, good stuff.

2. In our room, we had a tv. And every day, there were exactly three movies that they would play nonstop. First day: Just Married, Shanghai Knights, and Like Mike. Second day: Lord of the Rings, Chicago, and From Justin to Kelly. Third day: How to Lose a Guy in Ten days, Daredevil, and Jonah (Veggietales). It was movies galore!. I watched LOTR a couple of times. =) that would make a record of watching the movie...about....8 times now? I also thoroughly enjoyed Veggietales. hehe.

3. Karaoke Bar. Every night, they had a place for guests to sing Karaoke. It was soo fun. The ones who were really shaking their booty or belting out the tunes were so entertaining. Even little girls would go up and sing. They wouldn't know the words, but just kept right on singing. hehe.

4. Cozumel. Our whole time at Cozumel was definitely an experience I won't forget. The water was so clear and there were fish swimming right by the shore! We were swimming with the fish. =) It was so pretty. All we did basically was hang out on the beach. But man, I really really had a good time. I went jet skiing. That was a great thrill. At times, I thought I would fall off, but it was nonetheless, thrilling and exciting. I also got a good tan. So, the age minimum for drinking is 18, right? So, hehe, I got some alcohol on my own. I think I have very low tolerance for it. Cause afterwards, I felt really sick and skipped dinner and went straight to bed.

5. Cute boys. There were a great amount of boys on the trip. And a lot of them were cute. There was this one guy who looked very laid back and would always leave the dinner room way before his family did. Off to where? I don't know. But he reminded me of this guy that I went to China with (who I had a kinda crush on). When I heard his voice, though, it sounded very annoying. So I just liked looking at him. There was also this guy who I saw the time we were checking in. He kept looking at me as if I was some kind of alien. And I would see him from time to time on the ship. He was pretty well built and he also reminded me of the Georgia boys. I don't really like to approach guys. I'd like for them to come up to me for a talk. Other than that, I'm not really interested. I guess I just like scoping.

6. The view. Oh man, the ocean view is just gorgeous. I loved just looking out into the water and feeling the wind hit up against my face. Both the sunrise and sunset was a sight! I could have stayed on deck the entire time. It would have been fine by me.

7. Casino. The age requirement to gamble is 18. =)

saavy?

Saavy will be my new word. Jack Sparrow has inspired me to further my vocabulary into piracy. Saavy?

I love that movie! Have I already said so? Yeah i love it. I will say it again. I love the movie. i'm going to buy it when it comes out and watch it over and over and over again.

I went to the bookstore today. Woohoo! I promised michael I would take him and take him, i did. It only took me a week to fulfill my promise, but michael is a flexible guy. =) But anyway, I checked out some of the magazines. I like Tobey Maguire. He's a good actor. I read about him in Biography and...Elle? well yeah i did. He has the new movie, Seabiscuit (which i saw, I must recommend). He's got a history of baggage on him. It's hard to imagine that actors have to go through life and its trials as well. I guess media portray actors as some sort of idols, that its hard to recognize them as human beings. But anyway, i think he may be on my favorites list, along with Tom Hanks and Hugh Grant.

I also ran into a magazine spotlighting Evanescence. At first, I was kind of "eh" about them because of their mainstream exposure and plus, stupid KRBE keeps playing "Bring me to Life" as if they have no other song to play. Apparently, the band has issues with the Christian Rock Community. They can't decide if Evanescence should be consider Christian, though Amy Lee (the female vocalist of the band) promotes God as "love". Factors are that the group has been known to plug in a few curse words into their language....so Christian stores decides to take the band off their shelves.

I think it sucks. The same thing happened to Lifehouse. They didn't want to be categorized as anything. But their beliefs are their own personal lives. The music is just a gateway for art. It seems ridiculous how the topic of music can be distorted in line with God. Just make sure it doesn't cause you to stumble, is my philosophy.

yay for community pools. boo for children playing in community pools. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I just don't like it when I'm trying to swim the one lane that is for swimmers and i lose my rhythm when little kids play marco polo. I had a good swim, i think. My arms are a bit sore. I guess it's cause it's been like a month and a half since I've swam laps. Okay.

Time for bed. good night, world.

I realized why i didn't have any friends. No one wants to be friends with a fat girl.

I've just experience a new feeling of guilt. For some reason, I feel disgusted with myself when I eat. Afterwards, I feel as if I've hurt my body by eating (period). It's such a weird after effect, you know? Eating is something to be grateful for. It provides energy, health, and is just good for the body. God even promotes eating. The disciples went around villages eating in other people's home. Jesus fed 5000 with a loaf of bread and some fish. Some of the epistles gave instruction on the matter of food. I dunno. Maybe I'm having issues with....(blank)

Another source of guilt is the use of money. I'll admit it, I'm kinda cheap when it comes to buying stuff. I think it happened when I went to China last summer. I just started thinking about saving money in order to go on the trip and the bargain shopping that went on while in China and how everything just seems so expensive, here in the US. I can be quite stingy.

I'm afraid that when I go to college, I would be afraid of eating and spending money. Which may cause detrimental effects to my body. I want to be a good steward of my money and my body. Because everything that's given to me is not really mine. It should be for God. I just hope I don't get myself into trouble.

i miss Wynette and Elaine...

=(

rawrr...

MUST BUY ON DECEMBER 2, 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For some odd reason...I'm feeling tremendously vulnerable right now. Perhaps, I'm sick and need to lie down. Or that a huge current of emotion has been eagerly stretched forth within my body. I don't know. I'm just certain that I wish I had someone to share my most fondest memories. Those memories that last forever. They may not be the most pleasant, perhaps even, an excruciating event of trauma and indignity. I just wish I had someone to share with. I've been praying for one since I understood the meaning of acceptance and honesty. It hurts to know that I may be alone for a loong haul.

It doesn't even have to be a guy! I want that feeling of communion again, you know? I got an email from a guy I used to have a crush on. And it tore my heart to pieces, knowing that I may never see him, ever again. I may even be bold to say that I loved him for caring for me as a friend. It hurts. And as for girlfriends, I can't latch onto them even though I try so hard. Sometimes? It is hard for me to just push away my feelings and focus on their problems. I can be quite selfish at times. Is that normal? I'm being so general in my words to you. But I can't really explain it. It's just difficult to describe what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish that I could just write words that is at least somewhat coherent. But it ends up being a jumble of mess...stream of consciousness...that's what this is...i suppose.

Perhaps, all this ambiguity is due to the fact that I want to be Snow White, or Sleepy Beauty, or Cinderella, or any princess who had their feet swept away by some prince charming. I live inside this bubble of imagination. I breathe the idea of some kind of divine and magical wonder that I wish would happen to my life. I'm not talking, necessarily about the guy of my dreams (which is a plus), but for everything to just seem right, AT LEAST, some evidence of justification of why I exist. uggh...so i'm left drowning in my tears one more time.

"Dream, love is only in a dream, remember -
Remember life is never as it seems. Dream"

Yes, yes, yes, YES! I am a girl. I watch silly chick flicks as do many other girly girls. I find myself crying at another one. I don't get it. Why do I cry at these mere humans portraying some made-up character?! It's ridiculous! It's ludicrous! But... It's me. The lyrics above are of Harry Nilsson to the song, "Remember", which is included to the soundtrack of "You've Got Mail". For some odd reason, yet agaaain...I find myself crying, with tears, moans, the whole shabang...not knowing why...*sigh*

please help this deranged girl into finding earth once again.

oh, i miss swimming. I haven't swam in like a month or so. The excessive chlorine in the pools is not good for the skin so I stopped going to the gym to swim. You know how people run to get their minds off of things? I swim to get my mind off of things. It helps me relax, big time. I really do need it now.

This weekend has been a whirlwind. I just wanna stay home and sit and relax. And just keep everyone happy. It seems to me that whenever I go out, I want to go home to be there for mike, my dad, or my mom. And when i'm home, I wanna hang with my friends, my peeps, my homies. =) It's just a lose-lose situation, this life of mine.

i wanna do something drastic. Like a piercing of some sort. Perhaps like on my eyebrow or my cartilage. That would be so sweet. OOOh or maybe a tatoo. That would be nice. I want to have stefenee's tattoo. A pink star right on my wrist. Or maybe a dolphin like Charissa on my neck. I dunno. I'm stealing other people's tattoo. Let me think about it some more.

oyee, pain, this pain...it seems so familiar. arrgg. must sit down and blog.

when am I going to find the man of my dreams?! When am I going to find a guy willing to chase me down on his motorcycle?! suxors. Relationships. BAH!

The new Shane and Shane album "Carry Away" ROCKS my world! Go get it!

rekindle my spirit
harness my soul
stretch my being
brighten my eyes
shape my mind
and most importantly, mend my heart.

Again, I woke up with the same song. I don't know why I'm excited. I just seem to wake up on such a good mood. Anyway, I looked back on the posts that I've had within the last two months or so. I haven't really been saying much about how I've been. I suppose it's the idea of I don't want to be personalized to strangers, or even friends, that much anymore. Or perhaps it's the idea that my life has been pretty incomplete without God. Yeah, I talked to my good friend, Larissa about my backsliding and how I don't want to unconsciously or unknowingly put pride before my spiritual growth. I'm beginning to think this last year has. She told me that, yeah, church is a priority. But God does not succumb under the propriety of church. He continues to be the foundation of grace and love and power and authority. She herself does not approve of the church and its ways but she loves God to her fullest. through just talking to her, I find myself missing the things of God. Those nightly prayers, those worship hours with just Him and I, those talks of love and intimacy with brothers and sisters. I do miss it. I'm inadvertently shrugging off God while thinking that I'm doing the right thing of leaving the church. I didn't leave for anyone else. I thought I left for the lack of spiritual growth. But in all honesty, I think I left for selfish reasons, not because of God, which at the time, I thought I WAS doing it for God. But i confess, I cannot live without God. I also scanned through wynette's archives of her blog. I had wanted to find some kind of hint of information so i could buy a present for her. I found myself reading about her first encounter with my old church. I remember that first time we met. It was right after the weekend of a great retreat so I was feeling very friendly and loved and all giddy about God. I talked to her voluntarily. At first, I thought she was scared of me because of my forwardness. But I didn't really think about it too much. Anyway, she displayed a great deal of transparency on her blog. I admire that in people. Whether it be through conversations or journals, I adore people who are real with others. That takes guts. She reminded me of the realness of God and how he does work in miraculous ways. I also got reminded I'm suppose to live 100% to God. Not just a bit by bit kind of thing. But rather a full comprehension of His majesty. I've been pretty blinded. So help me see.

i woke up singing this song:

Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen
Tonight we'll put all other things aside
Get in this time and show me some affection
We're goin' for those pleasures in the night

I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough
And if you move real slow I let it go

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
And I know I know I know I know I know I want you

We shouldn't even think about tomorrow
Sweet memories will last for long long time
We'll have a good time, Baby, don't do worry
And if we're still playin' around boy that's just fine

Let's get excited, we just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I know I know I know I know I know I want you, I want you

I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough
And if you move real slow I let it go

I'm so excited, I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I know I know I know I know I know I want you

hahahahahahha, I'm very amused.

So it's late, I'm not tired. No sir-e-bob. I was watching Sleepless in Seattle on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). Love it. It features movies, UN-FREAKING-CUT! it's incredible. It's my new favorite channel. Anyway, I have this obsession with the movie now. Seriously. No matter how many times i've seen it, I must see it every time it is on tv. No kidding. No, i kid you not. It's like Mel Gibson's character on Conspiracy Theory. He must buy the novel, Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger every time he is in the bookstore (which, by the way, is a pretty funktastic book). Seriously, i am completely honest and sincere. I cry and laugh each time i see it. It hardly makes sense to me. You'd think that after i've seen it for so mannny times, I would get sick of it. I'm not. No, no. I just keep watching it as if I'm mesmerized. Oh man, oh man. I stopped watching cause my daddy told me to go away. hehe. Anyway, I'll make it up to my heart. I'm sure I'll see it again in the near future.

Oh and yes, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean. ANother funkTASTIC movie. I loved every minute of it. It kept my heart pumping and my eyes open for johnny depp or orlando bloom. Johnny Depp sure caught my attention. He was the one who tied the whole movie together. It was very entertaining. Orlando Bloom, the sweet naive, yet courageous little pirate. He is pretty cute, i have to admit. My gosh, who knew swashbuckling pirates can be so gorgeous. HOTT. The effects are fabulous. I felt as if I was really part of the entire realm of piracy. It takes a whole lot of imagination and creativity and skill to do that. Jerry Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski, kudos...kudos. I'd watch it a second time, Yes ma'am I would.

So i've started wearing jewelry again. I find something so feminine in adorning our necks, wrists, fingers...wherever with...stuff. I use to wear bracelets a lot. But they got dirty or i broke 'em. I use to wear necklaces a lot. But the necklace itself got damaged in one way or another. So I stood a long time not wearing anything around my neck or on my hand. But I'll be more lady-like now so I don't like break it while playing volleyball or something (which, I admit, i did --which is a stupidly stupid thing to do). so yep. Nothing too exciting going on.

aww man...

I hate memories. The thought of memories, both good and bad, makes me so nostalgic and blah that i wish i could turn back the hands of time to either relive the good or redo the bad. There's so many things i would change. I wonder if i change those certain circumstances in the past, will my being be in a better state? Ahh what's past is past, right? Right!

Anyway, do you remember that one guy, that one guy that made you giddy inside with glee that for him to just look at you and say, "hi, there" would make your day? I sure do. I still remember thinking that i was actually in love with him. I would save our conversations on aim. I would keep anything and everything that even remotely reminded me of him. I think he's the ONLY guy that i've actually flirted with. haha. what a joke. me? Flirt? anyway. Yeah, he made me want to flirt with him just so i can get attention from him. Sometimes, he would flirt with me and for a short period of time, i had actually thought he liked me. I was listening to some old school songs about love and that warm fuzzy feeling inside and somehow i remembered this guy. He serenaded to me once. Well, him and another guy serenaded to this girl and myself.

We were having time to work on our projects for english class. As Lisa and I were talking, i heard a faint voice singing in the background. And slowly the voice became more confident and louder. He passed my right side and i looked directly at him. He made exaggerated facial expressions added with hand motions of "i love you" (pointing at his eye, covering his heart, and then pointing at me) while singing a bit out of tune. I didn't care. I giggled while watching him and his buddy make a show. But deep down, I was like, "O My God, could this BE any more divine". Him serenading to me is something that i wont forget. Guys, if you want to sweep a girl off her feet, serenade to her as corny as it may sound. Once a guy is able to be foolish for a girl than the relationship becomes special.

I remember crying over him once.

He lived here for only a semester! Now that i think of it. I remembering seeing him for the first time. It was the first day back from Christmas break my 8th grade year. ANd he moved back to California right when school was out and summer began. However, the second semester of my freshmen year, I had heard that he was coming back for spring break. I had wanted so bad to call him up and ask him if he wanted to hang out because I missed him. But i didn't have enough guts to do it. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Maybe it was a mistake of mine to just let him slip through my hands. Maybe i should have called. But i didn't and i can't change it. Oh but i wish i did. Still to this day, i think about him every so often...when I hear a Boyz II Men song or when I'm eating tofu...hehe

Eric Bana! Man, i did not know he was the guy in Black Hawk Down. I remember wanting to know who he was. Now I know! He's also the guy who voices Anchor, the hammerhead of Finding Nemo! hehe. I have a thing for Australian guys. Anyway, unto the review that has nothing to....uh wait! yes, it does have to do with my movie review. In the Hulk, Eric Bana's Character, Bruce Banner has to go head to head with Glenn Talbot, played by Joshua Lucas. Joshua Lucas is widely known as the redneck in Sweet Home Alabama. So that's it. There's the connection. On to the review!

Sweet Home Alabama - directed by Andy Tennant (who also directed Ever After --ANother one of my favorites)
Another romantic comedy. yes, I wanted to rent Snatch. But it's rated R. I've seen rated R movies. But somehow, I had a bad feeling. Because I once made a promise to myself to not watch rated R movies for specific reasons so... Yeah, maybe when it comes out on television with all the content edited. hah. But i digress. So it's a hick story about a woman who finds herself torn between two men. Boy, what a tough choice. Two fine looking men, chasing after the same woman. One of which is already married to her. I liked the idea of her having to pick between the two guys. It shows the two different worlds she has come to understand. The place where she grew up knowing so well. And the place where all her dreams came true. *shrugs* Very good movie.

At first, I didn't want to watch it for moralistic reasons. Like how she left her husband in Alabama and deceiving everyone she knew. But her excuse was the fact that Alabama had brought a lot of bad memories and she wanted to escape the reality of her roots. I can understand that. So yeah, I didn't have any expectations and ended up liking it. So yeah, It's worth it.

Hey! Movie Review by Grace!

The Hulk - directed by Ang Lee (who directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon --but you probably already know that)
Two things...er Three things I noticed about this movie. One, It was tremendously looonng. I understand that a good movie needs substance and background information to pull the plot together. But it was ridiculously long for a comic movie. I liked the scientific part of it. It didn't make much sense. But i liked it nonetheless. It made it more intriguing. Like somehow, it was possible for mankind to do that. With a mad scientist father who's wife conceived a monster after he experimented on HIMSELF. I dunno. Maybe it's possible, but probably not. Maybe, in Grace World. But anyway, Second, I noticed there's some emotional baggage throughout the whole movie. This guy seems to get so worked up because his father did something to him. But I also liked the fact that whenever he was with Betty (Jennifer Connelly) he became all sweet and gentle. awwwwwww. =) Yeah, there's some depth in this movie that I didn't really expect. Third, THE EFFECTS. I was like HOW DID THEY DO THAT?!? THAT IS AMAZING!! I loved the action sequences. He was mad and going at it! Those were my favorite parts. argg...it was just too damn long. I hated that. Cut it shorter. A long movie doesnt' make a good movie. Overall, I would see it, but i would have rather rented it. Or watched it at the dollar theatre.

Alex & Emma - directed by Rob Reiner (who also directed When Harry met Sally --which is one of my favorites)
Okay. So this movie was cute. I guess I kept comparing it to "When Harry met Sally" a little too much. Kate Hudson is sooo cute. I kept trying to see her facial expressions and compare 'em to Goldie Hawn. She is so adorable and pretty good at being adorable without being too dorky at it. Luke Wilson is "dreamy". ahh. He's got a nice bod, with nice eyes, and a nose that looks a lot better than his brother, Owen's. =) isn't he in like 3 movies that are coming out soon...er around the same time. let's see this, Charlie's Angels, and Legally Blond. Yeah, the romantic comedy genre hasn't had a lasting effect. They just don't make them like they use to. I can't help it, but I don't think Luke Wilson is that great of an actor. He is "dreamy", ahh. But not a good actor. Like I couldn't believe that he liked Emma. ANd that's what actors are suppose to do, fake sincerity so that it becomes a reality to the audience for the length of the movie. The plot was kinda off. But nonetheless, cute. It kinda reminded me of Simply Irresistible. That movie stunk, but it was cute. Cooking food to seduce a man. Very original. But anyway, i wouldn't go see it in the theater. maybe when it comes on cable tv. Then I'll watch it.

Okie dokily. Now for music. Ahh. Music. yay! my favorite subject. This past week, Vh1 hosted the 100 greatest songs in the last 25 years. Here's a list of some of my favorites:

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
When Doves Cry - Prince
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
Waterfalls - TLC*
Don't Speak - No Doubt*
Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
Under the Bridge - The Red Hot Chili Peppers*
Heart of Glass - Blondie
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton*
Loser - Beck
My Sharona - The Knack*
I wanna be sedated - Ramones
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Greenday*
Hungry like the Wolf - Duran Duran
Losing my Religion - REM

* - extra special to Grace's heart =)

Here I am, sitting in front of the screen. Listening to the lovely words sung by Josh Groban. I begin to think about leaving the house soon. My dad calls out, "Mei, mei!" I reply with a instant yelp, "WHAT?!" He's home from his whereabouts. I rush downstairs to greet him. He spreads his arms and welcomes me for a hug. "I can't believe you're going to college. Seems only yesterday that I was holding you in my arms as a baby. Now you're going off to college." He has the tendency to talk to me about profound ideas with intrigue and interest. He would always go, Grace, I'm telling you this for your own good. So that your mind develops faster and you are smart to do what's right. He is a very intelligent man with a deep love for family. After the hug, he cracks a joke about Michael and goes about his business. I run back upstairs to attend to my computer game.

I start to think about this last year. So much has happened. I went to a mission trip. I left the church. I went on to my senior year of school. I made new friends. I understood who I was for the first time in my life. I applied to college. I got into Baylor. I graduate. Now it's the summer. The only thing I can now think about is the fact that I've been through hell and back with my dad. This last year, I've loved him. For the first time, I love my dad. I use to wish he would die of cancer. I use to wish that he and my mom would get a divorce so that I could live without emotional baggage. But that is ridiculous. I love him. I love my dad. It has just occured to me. He's leaving for China on Tuesday, for business. Delicate drops of tears trickle from my eyes and down my face. You know how you imagine what it would be like to live without your parents? I seriously cannot imagine living without my father now. Forgive me for ever saying false things about my father. He's not to blame. He never was the one. I was. In my own stupidity and ignorance, I reproved my father for my own selfish reasons. Not to say he didn't hurt me at the time. But I shouldn't hate him for enforcing discipline on me. I finally understand with love comes discipline.

"And in your hands, the pain and hurt...
look less like scars,
and more like character."

"Like a stone" Audioslave
"What it is to burn" Finch
"Swing, Swing" The All-American Rejects
"Somewhere I belong" Linkin Park
"Rest in pieces" Saliva
"Remember me" Hoobastank
"All my life" Foo Fighters
"Times like these" Foo Fighters

Yes, yes. Another movie review. A short one, I hope. I just finishing watching two movies with the family, Road to Perdition and Maid in Manhattan.

I wanted to watch something with some sort of depth. I haven't thought for a while, haven't been usin' the noggin' to its great use. Road to Perdition is not a bad choice. The Usual Suspects, now, that's a movie you gotta think about. Road to Perdition is based upon a Irish Mafia and how one event turns the life of one mobster, the enforcer. It was written during the depression as a "graphic novel" or basically, a comic book. Yeah, I didn't know it was a comic book and so was Men in Black as well as From Hell and Ghost World. Who knew?

Anyway, Tom Hanks is truly good at his craft. Whether being mentally handicapped or delightfully charming or ruggedly demanding, he always makes you believe that he was somehow made for that one movie character. He did a great work at being a tragic hero. Jude Law. I was telling Michael that he's a hottie. "Jude Law is a hottie", I told him. As the movie started, he kept asking who was Jude Law as to confirm my taste in men. When he finally shows up as the psychotic photographer of dead bodies with his head balding, he's like, "so that's your hottie. Man, grace, you don't have much of a taste, do you?"

*sigh*

Jude Law is typically known for his roles as a charming chap, getting the women. Not for this movie. He's the creepy, eerie killer. I was totally freaked. I mean literally freaked whenever he was on scene. He was so scary. He did a good job at being the villian, definitely. *shudder*

I don't have much to say about the other actors. I just liked the entire movie. The music was fantastic. You know how they play music to heighten the scene just a little bit more. Yeah, they did a lot of that in this movie. It fit very well in the context of the movie, dark and grim. I just liked it. My friend, Matthew had told me about it a year ago today. He said it was an awesome movie. I just never took his word for it until now. The movie was great. I feel satisfied. Go see it today!

Maid in Manhattan. Well, it's aokay. ANother popcorn movie. Nice and sweet, with a happy ending. J-Lo, i think, is best at being a dancer. She's an okay actress and uhh slightly lacking singer, but she sho can move her booty. I don't think it's really worth the 5 bucks to rent it. Maybe when it's on tv.

Boy oh boy, Father's Day. My daddy opened his gift already because I was so eager to see what it was. hehe. It's a DVD and VHS player! He kids around with us sooo much that I don't know if he really appreciates it. But i think he does. =)

"The Scientist" by Coldplay...yes, shannon, I've heard it. I absolute adore it. It's a beautifully written song. Dang, makes you wanna go date a rocker.

I also saw Evanescence's "Bring me to life" video for the first time. I have to say that I enjoyed it even though it wasn't the most pleasant video. It had a great concept. I don't know how to explain so I won't butcher it. I just wanted to take note of it. I never knew 12 stones was the guy singing. I thought he was part of Evanescence. But anyway, 12 stones is a Christian rock band. See what music videos do? they help give clarity.

Oh and finally, to top it off, The reason I'm up so late is because I was finishing watching a movie. Thank God for women's entertainment channel. They sure know how to get a girl sucked into television. The movie is a classic. "Butterflies are free" starring Goldie Hawn and Edward Albert. MY GOD, I love this movie. I believe any movie that can make me cry deserves to be on my list of favs. It's about a blind man learning to live on is own for the first time and how he encounters a free-spirited woman next door. Though the movie is majorly unrealistic and popcornyish, I like it. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I'm a big sap for romantic stuff. Dang it.

blogger basic...hmm...interesting.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm super excited! I found out which dorm i'm living in! As well as who will be my roommate! AHHH! how exciting. North Russell, i think, was my second choice. But it don't really matter where I live. I'm pretty flexible with how i live and i compromise when need be. Only one condition, that she doesn't smell.

Okie dokily, one year ago...yesterday, I went to Garden Valley for Global Expeditions to endeavor into the heart of China, Hong Kong. I did have a wonderful time. I met new people. Experienced God in a new light. And instilled something powerful that will never be taken away from me. Welp, some of the kids that went to China last year, is going to Thailand this year with the same ministry. Man, I am so excited for them. Thailand. For two WHOLE months! That's really exciting. Now that I think about it, the entire process of mission trips is just wild. I love it. They're doing church planting which consists of building relationships and spiritual discipleship. It certainly is amazing.

ooh, on another note, my friend is going to japan for a month or two? Yeah, that's super duper. I love that these caucasians are just going out there for God and to throw a mass load of love on the natives. Anyway, I'm so jealous of him. He gets to live with a missionary familly and just minister with them. AND get this, he gets to go climb Mount Fuji!! Danng. I so want to be him.

AND, my friend, Alicia, is going to Papua New Guinea with Wycliffe ministries. I met her through school and i've only known her for a year or so. She's so great. She is the one who started the fellowship at Clements. And she intends on being a long term missionary. Oh man oh man, I am absolutely amazed and so happy for her. Though, I know I won't ever see her again, I'll pray for her always.

These kids, teenagers, are going out there and risking pride and self gratification to glorify God. I admire them so much. And love them always.

"I guess I'm looking for something supernatural."

Everyone wants to be believe in something their own. Something that has divine wisdom and power. Something higher than themselves. Once it becomes sooooo mundane or common or ordinary or routine, it becomes boring. I don't want what I believe in to become boring and listless. I want to be selfish about God. I do want God to have a special place in my heart, where each day i look into my heart searching for that one place. I guess, in the past, I overreacted to stir supernatural response. Some kind of drama. Some kind of emotion. SOme kind of sign that life exists within my friends. Life without boundaries. Life with prosperity and joy and spirit. I want people to be real with me. I want people to love rather than socialize. I want people to react. I want people to show they're alive! I want something supernatural, something divine.

I'm in a world of my own.