Agnus Dei

Alleluia, Alleluia
For our Lord God Almighty reigns
Alleluia, Alleluia
For our Lord God Almighty reigns
Alleluia

Holy, Holy are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb
Holy, Holy are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb
Amen.

Facade [fe-säd] n 1: a false, superficial, or artificial appearance syn mask, disguise, front, guise, pretense, veneer.

bleh.

feeling: blah...kind of melancholy *slash* bored *slash* tired *slash* contemplative

So much has been going on for the past week, I haven't been able to sit down and just relax. *deep sigh*

OOOOOO I'm excited about one thing. We might go to AstroWorld this Saturday. WoOhOo. I've never been there. I love the adrenaline of riding fast rollercoasters, exhilarating freefalls, or just the pleasure of having cotton candy...mmm.

I've been going to Metro ever since the beginning of this year. I've been tremendously blessed by the extravagant worship that comes along with the singing and the listening and the praying. Stephen Smith band and Matt Chandler...*thumbs up*

At Metro, we've been...or rather I've been ministered to by the Spirit about following Jesus or the politically correct term of Christian living. All these months have passed by, and I think that I'm GREAT...FANTASTIC!....I'm not. I'd cry during some of the sermons, not knowing why. I realize now that I was hearing these words spoken, but not listening. Understanding what to do, but not doing it. I was thinking the words spoken was such a blessing, I forgot to apply it in my life.

Honestly? I'm struggling with a lot of things RIGHT NOW. Depression, insecurity, pride, selfishness...yuck

But...But God is going to give me freedom in all these areas. I know that. It just takes God speed, no matter how slow it may be.

It's so funny how I get so easily excited. I was all woopin' and hollerin'. =)

I needed to print out my Gold Forms for my missions trip this summer. Gold Forms are the medical records of how "healthy" I am. I think I'm fit enough to go on this trip. Anyway, I had been trying for weeks to get to print the Gold Forms on my bro's computer, but the document was erroneous due to the Adobe Acrobat version I had. Then I thought to myself, maybe God is allowing this to happen so I won't be able to go on the trip (the Gold Forms are required in applying). Then Sunday morning an idea popped into my head. "I can go over to my cousin's house and print it". Well, thinking that...I decided to pray. God, if I can't print these forms out today then I know that you don't want me to go to China. I got on the computer, went to globalexpeditions.com, opened up the .pdf format of the forms, and behold, the forms are there. I am really really really really really really really really...really excited. I'm going to China, baby!

I feel like a sick puppy. I feel horrible. My body is going through pain again. I went to this so-called "doctor" that my parents have labeled him as, but me, I still am skeptical. He told me I may have stones in my kidney. So, he gives me this medicine. This medicine is making me feel worse. "It" supposedly is used to "wash" me clean of the "toxins" in my body...aiyah...

Well, maybe in the future I might endeavor to discuss what happened at the "doctor's office", but I feel too crappy to go on typing. Stay tuned.

I feel like I could sing forever. Sing until I lose my voice, baby! MUAHAHA!!

I live a life of praise to the Big Man Upstairs. I know if I spent the rest of my life in a band, traveling, touring, and, most of all, praising God, I'd be satisfied in my "niche".

Psalm 104:33
"I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being."

Forever will I sing.

I just got "You are my world" by Hillsongs. I highly recommend it.

Update later with other recommendations of Jesus music.

I'd forgotten just how sweet your mercies are, Lord.

I'd forgotten just how sweet your mercies are, Lord.
Could you remind me?
You've been faithful in my weakness
Father, your love overwhelms my soul
I'm learning to need you.

I cry out your name
I am in need of your mercy, Jesus
Despite my pride and my shame
I'm learning to need you.

obedience.

So when I obey the Lord, all things just fall into place.

Romans 6:16
"Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?"

aiyah. If only I had only knew ahead of time. Wait, I did. *smacks forehead* "Dah!"

I guess in the midst of turmoil and just plain crappy days, you can't really see the light of day nor would you actually be willing to obey God. Just like that guy at Metro says, "Goober Moments". Dude, how could I have doubted the One and Living God?! I'm such a goober, even more of a fool

Everyone in this world has their own sets of problems. I know you do. I know I do.

One of the major setbacks in my life is the hard-headedness, the stubborness, the proud, the cynical Grace.

My father yelled at me just the other night. For what reason? The reason is too petty to be even told. But being me, I refused to believe that he had the right to yell at me. I refused to fall under his shadow of "the belligerent, all-knowing father". I refused to apologize. Yet, at the same time, I did nothing. I didn't argue. I just nodded and said, "Yes Dad. I'm sorry." What happened was I had all this resentment, bitterness, and anger inside, but I didn't express it. I just went along with him.

Who knows which is the better person. Who knows who was right or wrong. I mean who cares, really. But looking back, what would my heart would look like if displayed? It would have been cold and hard as a rock (go along with my analogy, it's the best that I can do at the moment).

1 Samuel 16:6-7
"When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, 'Surely the Lord 's anointed stands here before the Lord'. But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart'."

What I said or what had been expressed wasn't true. It was fear. Fear of how my dad could react if I had told him I didn't care what he says. All in all, my heart grew harder that night. Sad, but true.

I'm trying the best that I can to be able to...share? talk? whatever that word is...to speak to other people. To openly display my affection. To openly show the world that I love them. To openly open up to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I know, in my heart, I wasn't meant to be this restrained or reserved. I just have too much on my mind and heart to be this quiet. Maybe all of this estrangement is due to fear. Fear of what people may think of me. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of being misjudged.