Everyone in this world has their own sets of problems. I know you do. I know I do.

One of the major setbacks in my life is the hard-headedness, the stubborness, the proud, the cynical Grace.

My father yelled at me just the other night. For what reason? The reason is too petty to be even told. But being me, I refused to believe that he had the right to yell at me. I refused to fall under his shadow of "the belligerent, all-knowing father". I refused to apologize. Yet, at the same time, I did nothing. I didn't argue. I just nodded and said, "Yes Dad. I'm sorry." What happened was I had all this resentment, bitterness, and anger inside, but I didn't express it. I just went along with him.

Who knows which is the better person. Who knows who was right or wrong. I mean who cares, really. But looking back, what would my heart would look like if displayed? It would have been cold and hard as a rock (go along with my analogy, it's the best that I can do at the moment).

1 Samuel 16:6-7
"When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, 'Surely the Lord 's anointed stands here before the Lord'. But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart'."

What I said or what had been expressed wasn't true. It was fear. Fear of how my dad could react if I had told him I didn't care what he says. All in all, my heart grew harder that night. Sad, but true.

I'm trying the best that I can to be able to...share? talk? whatever that word is...to speak to other people. To openly display my affection. To openly show the world that I love them. To openly open up to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I know, in my heart, I wasn't meant to be this restrained or reserved. I just have too much on my mind and heart to be this quiet. Maybe all of this estrangement is due to fear. Fear of what people may think of me. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of being misjudged.