i finished my paper...whew! that's a relief considering i decide to do it the very last minute though i promised myself i would do it during the weekend before thanksgiving. =/ oh well. I got an email today from Nathan. Yay! he's one of the guys that i got kinda close to on the trip? or maybe not. See, the problem was...on the trip...i was afraid of getting close to guys
1. because I'm afraid of not being accepted
2. because I'm afraid that I might get more involved than I want to be
3. because I've never been close to guys. (oh my, that's funny)

Anyway, he's a great encourager. He reminded me of one occasion...
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July 3, 2002
_____, China

I'm irritated with these rude train attendants. Just because we're Americans doesn't mean they can treat us like crap. Anyway, we're going back to Hong Kong tonight. Man, one of the ladies. She made my heart melt. She loves God so much and you could see the light in her eyes. She consistently talked to the girls about the glory of God and how magnificent his ways are and if they believed they will know so much more than they'll ever know. She helped me translate sometimes, not saying she spoke English but sometimes God would give her understanding through my horrible chinese to kinda retranslate to them =) She is so darling that i wish i could take her home with me, but I can't. ANyway, tonight she escorted us to the train station and wouldn't leave until she saw that i got on the train. She wouldn't let go of my hand. At one point she cried. She told me that she didn't want me to go. And that since we've come she has confirmation that her faith is real, so tangible because of our love for them and for God shines so brightly through our ministry. Because often times, the restrictions put unto the church by the government scares her. my gosh, you don't know how much impact you can have man. I never knew.

She says she'll send me tea as a gift. She made a big deal about getting my address, my phone number, and any way of contact. Bless her heart.

This one attendant just came by and asked if i wanted some tea. Wow, how nice.

(12 hours later: 4 in the afternoon)

Man, man o man. I don't get why God uses me. I am so horrible at Chinese. I wish Mike had been here. So that one attendant? she is really nice. She offered me some really really good tea. I have a picture of it. Anyway, Ben saw i had a cup and wanted one as well. IT WAS REAL GOOOOD. Anyway. The point of me journaling again is i witnessed to the attendant. She asked me about us and so i answered. And knew God was opening another door and I just had to step on in. She had the idea that Jesus is this man of darkness where he wears a black cloak and haunts you. I thought maann. people are deceived man. I told her no no no. Jesus is nothing like that. I told her about him. and then she started to ask me about how Christ has affected me, so here goes my testimony in indecent chinese...and I think she understood but kinda semi-believed. Like believed it to be true but didn't think it was for her. and then she asked about the Boys and asked "all of them believe as you do?" I told her the whole train car does =) and so to prove to her, i brought a couple of the guys to witness with me cause i was running out of things to share cause i kinda think about the basic gospel and it's sometimes so simple that people want to make it complicated. It was so fun talking to her and just letting her know. Man, just that GOd is real and she, only she herself can experience God.

The boys gave scripture. Beau shared a bit of his testimony and he, man, he's a great speaker. Full of power and confidence in Christ. The girl just kept spewing questions out one after another and i was so glad that they were there to help me provide personal and textual evidence. I have to say that that was one of my favorite times of sharing Jesus.
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"There are 15 unread Mail messages in your box"

I like getting emails a lot. They make me feel like I'm important and special.

Alicia wasn't there today for our Hamlet scene. AND, the guys kept saying "Jesus Christ" as if they were cursing Him. Boy, was I offended. I didn't talk unless I had to say my lines. Other than that. I just kept thinking...Why do they say that? Why? Is it like part of their vocabulary...and don't they put into consideration that it just might be offensive? In the past, people say things, you know? and they hurt whether or not you let it get to you. It's just there and it's in the back of your mind. At the moment, you may not be offended, but then later on, things start to click in yo head, and you think, "HEY, that's not cool" I say that a lot throughout the entire day at school. There's just too much poo at my schoo.

If you only knew, the sweetest aroma
If you only knew, the warmest embrace
if you only knew, the loveliest melody
then you would know, life at its best

you complete my being
all of you makes more of me
I know that things aren't the same
but we can work it out
just you and me
for the universe is ours
the world belongs to us
no one, no thing
can come between

hollow life offers me a plate
an offer so tempting, so appealing
i couldn't refuse
Oh, forgive my heart, my sin
shoved deep as the arrow into the skin

For I come to know
the spirit runs free within me
needs to flee from captivity
Carpe diem he said, a rube
I had too believe it so
Fie on't, Ah fie, antiquity
a dagger to my soul

Oh, I fall helpless
in hope of a loving embrace
dear one, i know not what i do
forgive me eleven seven.

burrr...

Today's fellowship was neato. A speaker named Grace (very rad name indeed) from FBCC came to our school to talk to us early in the morning. It was funny. She graduated from Trinity. I was planning on applying there, but I didn't *shrugs*...Anyway...umm

So, she talked about Ten Things I Hate About You...that movie with that one bad actress who plays the older sister and with boys that look like girls. THere was this scene where a guy was introducing the new guy to the "cliques" at school. She says how it applies to Clements so much, even within the Christians. There's the Preppy Christians, the Asian Christians (ie Ghetto-fied Asian Christians), Nerdy Christians...and so on. We stay in little safety circle. We stay in routine of life and limit ourselves to any exploration. In school, cliques are what are "cool". Acceptance at high school is a big thing. I don't know. I never wanted to fit in really. I think i still have the idea that i don't need friends, but i do. I just need to work with God a little bit more. I definitely feel like I am one of a kind. I'm sure there are people who think I'm cold or like distant..but man, if i knew who, i would prove them wrong. Prove them wrong by letting them spend a day with me. They'd want to spend eternity with me. Hehe. Hey, I am a very cool chick.

And she read a excerpt from one of Jim Cymbala's books, Fresh wind? fire? i don't know. Anyway, Jim sees a man isolated from the rest of the congregation in the back of the Sanctuary while he was speaking. Afterwards, as he approached the man, he smelled the most foul smell ever known to his nostrils. As he moved in closer, he realized the smell came from the man himself. The man had not taken a shower, God knows how long, and wore dirty rags that barely clothed him. The preacher reached towards his back pocket for his wallet. The man held his hand in front of him and said, "NO, you don't understand. I don't want your money. I want this Jesus Roberta keeps talking about". Then the man embraced the pastor. What seemed so foul before, had become the most fragrant smell to him by the grace of God. He asked for forgiveness of judging beforehand. *goosebumps* It relates to how lepors of the early days of Jesus ministry had been cast out because of their skin. And Jesus, out of his love for all, touched the man and he was healed. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.......

It was definitely neat how she brought it all together. She did remind me of the power of my words and actions. Very refreshing.

Luke 10:38-42

During 5th period, I was trying with all my might to find this passage. It was bothering me the entire time that I couldn't find the story that I've read so many times. Anyway, so, I have to write a paper on Crime and Punishment and how it relates to Theology, specifically to the Russian Orthodoxy. Fun stuff. I like talking about the Bible so maybe for once i'll get a good grade for writing about the Bible. One of the allusions used in Crime and Punishment is Lazarus' resurrection, and I really wanted to see the entire picture of the relationship between Lazarus and Jesus, including Mary and Martha.

AND!! I almost got into a car accident, today. *GASP* it was so crazy. It was out of nowhere. I really think it was divine. I was driving out of the student parking lot. I looked left and right, as everyone is suppose to do, and i thought i was clear after i looked right. BUT a car coming from my left just suddenly appeared, and it swirved to the left, preventing a collision. I was so close to the car that i really did think i was going to hit it. But I didn't. Man, angels were protecting me right then. Very cool.

I had a very odd dream last night. I dreamt that I got unto a metro bus with my mother? i think maybe it was a friend. But anyway, i saw my junior year English teacher seated by the window. I sat quietly by her while she was conversing with my company. After the tension loosened, I asked her what did she think of me as a student. ANd her reply was that i was nothing and was not going to succeed by the looks of what i did in her class. I was smack talked by my teacher. She is very eccentric teacher and speaks the truth about things, very blunt. SO i dunno. Very random dream.

OoOohh....and i may get a job...maybe. My Accounting teacher offered a paying job at a nearby business to the class, and I volunteered to be interviewed. Cross your fingers guys....

I took this test like a year ago...=/ or maybe like 9 months ago...9 to 12 months ago...i took this test...for some reason the results are a bit different...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

I'm at an internet cafe this lovely Saturday night. Our cable at home ain't working so i don't have online access and that also means no tv either. I feel deprived of my computer. I am, actually. Maybe it's a good thing...getting away from my high speed internet access. So yeah, three dollars for an hour at a public use of computers. blah. This week's weather has been so completely awesome. I love it. It was a great time, freezing my face off. I've always enjoyed cold weather for some reason. I guess since i live in such a HOT, HUMID state, I appreciate coldness so much more.

I also went to Rice today. Spent a couple of hours at the Library doing my homework. I promised God that I would do my best to do my homework only on Saturdays from now on. I felt so cool. I felt like I was one of the students at Rice. It's just like the movies you guys! they casually sit on benches in the courtyard, talking to new acquaintances after the lunch break, or busily working on that paper that's due the next day. I felt so grown up. hehe. Well, anyway, that's my lifestyle next year so i shouldn't be so surprised or whatever.

John 13 - the washing of the disciples' feet by the big cheese, the big man upstairs, the big guy, Jesus Christ. I've been going back to the fellowship at my school early in the morning on Tues and Thurs. It's weird. Maybe it's way too early for some of the kids that go. They don't seem very ecstatic about the word. *shrugs*. I'm pretty sure it's because of the earlyness. It would be cool if we all just got together one day after school and hung out. I dunno. Anyway, the passage was reintroduced to me. I'd forgotten how sweet the message of it really is. It not only shows the idea of being servants no matter what background a person may come from. Just the idea of the meekness of Jesus is...man. That is really neato.

Time to go...going home to eat some hot pot.

I spent the entire night coughing, and now I have a sexy sexy voice...hehehehe

"because love isn't really love when it's dictated. God wants us to be able to choose, I think. to come to Him not because we're puppets, but because He really does offer the only good deal out there."