Thursday, September 26, 2002
Sunday, September 22, 2002
I keep thinking that there's a standard that needs to be held for Christianity. That there's a direct definition to be a so-called "Christian". Who am I to put people in a box?! What kind of messed up theology is that?! I've been tricked by the devil in that way. It causes me to stumble numerous times. To be critical of how others live their lives out for God. Aiye. I guess I just want things to be like equal, for everyone to be the same. Picture it if all of us were Charismatics. We'd get exhausted by no time. Think of the other way around. We'd be complacent and indifferent to God. DAH! Reason or Passion? Reason or Passion? I WANT PASSION DAGNABIT!!!
This Jesus thing is a "Smash Hit"
I think the reason I like rock alternative or any kind of music is because it puts the whole life for Jesus into such simple terms. And, a lot of songs come from scriptural source. I love it. Love music with a passion. ROck just kinda like puts a lot of passion and a whole lot soul into it.
This Jesus thing is a "Smash Hit"
I think the reason I like rock alternative or any kind of music is because it puts the whole life for Jesus into such simple terms. And, a lot of songs come from scriptural source. I love it. Love music with a passion. ROck just kinda like puts a lot of passion and a whole lot soul into it.
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Time to rave about my friend...
aiye, I talked to my dear friend, Larissa today. I do miss her so. She was so frank with me. She told me things that I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear it in order to get back on track with God. She shared with me. I love her so. She is probably the only one that i feel really connected while on the trip. Honestly? the trip has already passed and it was only for a month, but it felt like an eternity and i've made friends for life; brothers and sisters i'm bound to see up in heaven.
Anyway, she's a very anointed and focused child of God. She says she has a passion for purity which is so awesome. Although I told her some of my impure thoughts in the past, she totally understood and extended mercy to me and loved on me even more. She's younger than me, but in reality, older than me just by her childlike faith in God and total dependency on Him. Ahh, it refreshes me when i think about how much I've learned from her.
aiye, I talked to my dear friend, Larissa today. I do miss her so. She was so frank with me. She told me things that I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear it in order to get back on track with God. She shared with me. I love her so. She is probably the only one that i feel really connected while on the trip. Honestly? the trip has already passed and it was only for a month, but it felt like an eternity and i've made friends for life; brothers and sisters i'm bound to see up in heaven.
Anyway, she's a very anointed and focused child of God. She says she has a passion for purity which is so awesome. Although I told her some of my impure thoughts in the past, she totally understood and extended mercy to me and loved on me even more. She's younger than me, but in reality, older than me just by her childlike faith in God and total dependency on Him. Ahh, it refreshes me when i think about how much I've learned from her.
Hehe...I wore my Chinese Take-Out Box/David Crowder T-Shirt to school today. Some girl in my choir class pointed at my shirt and screamed, "Oh my God! Grace! You know David Crowder?"
"Yes."
"Wow, they're like my favorite band!"
"Really? That's cool. I actually saw them yesterday night."
"Awesome. I didn't know they played. Where?"
"First Baptist"
{awkward, silent pause}
"So yeah, they were really awesome."
"Yeah, I know they're coming in November, but I didn't know about yesterday."
"Ohhh..."
"That's so cool, Grace"
I smiled and I walked off. As I walked off, I could hear her telling her friends that I know David Crowder band, excitedly. It was so cute. I hope she didn't mean that I actually know the band like on a personal level. Gee, what if she did cause i don't =)
And to think, this morning I had hoped that someone would see my t-shirt and recognize the band. *thumbs up*
"Yes."
"Wow, they're like my favorite band!"
"Really? That's cool. I actually saw them yesterday night."
"Awesome. I didn't know they played. Where?"
"First Baptist"
{awkward, silent pause}
"So yeah, they were really awesome."
"Yeah, I know they're coming in November, but I didn't know about yesterday."
"Ohhh..."
"That's so cool, Grace"
I smiled and I walked off. As I walked off, I could hear her telling her friends that I know David Crowder band, excitedly. It was so cute. I hope she didn't mean that I actually know the band like on a personal level. Gee, what if she did cause i don't =)
And to think, this morning I had hoped that someone would see my t-shirt and recognize the band. *thumbs up*
Time to share dreams that are peculiar, yet interesting...
So, I had a dream. It was such a bizarre dream. I was driving with my brother through a neighborhood. I saw two chubby kids playing in the front yard, and then the father comes out and yells at the kids for playing and screams for the them to get inside. The next moment, I was being harassed by the father. He was yelling at me and screaming his head off at me if i was one of the kids. For that moment, I felt terrorized and felt like I shouldn't be talked to like that, so my anger grew and grew. When my anger meter ran off its pinnacle, I started to scream at him. I told him there's no reason to scream at me. He had no right to scream at me or his children. I spoke with confidence and with courage. The father was so taken from being yelled at that he went off, sulking. Then the two kids and their mother came out and embraced me with their arms. They kept thanking me, telling me that they feel free from strife and hurt and pain. I walked away feeling so satisfied and so complete like I had done something worthwhile.
Another part of the dream was held at restaurant with 3 girls and myself. We were talking about Holy Spirit. Somehow, once the conversation became about spirituality the table was a bit tense. This other girl who sat to the left of me was a hyped up girl for Jesus so I wasn't afraid. I talked about how God talked to me through the Holy Ghost. The two skeptics were bewildered at the fact that I had the guts to say I had a direct connection to God. So, I began to go off about Jesus being the Lion of Judah for some reason or another.
So, yeah, that's my dream.
I've been listening to Planet Light Force a lot. I'm getting into the rock alternative music. It's all because of Carl and Malachi, I tell you. It's just cool how kids can listen to rock music and be fed with positive messages. Thinking about going to Festival Con Dios. But I don't know anyone who is really into the whole rock scene like I am.
So, I had a dream. It was such a bizarre dream. I was driving with my brother through a neighborhood. I saw two chubby kids playing in the front yard, and then the father comes out and yells at the kids for playing and screams for the them to get inside. The next moment, I was being harassed by the father. He was yelling at me and screaming his head off at me if i was one of the kids. For that moment, I felt terrorized and felt like I shouldn't be talked to like that, so my anger grew and grew. When my anger meter ran off its pinnacle, I started to scream at him. I told him there's no reason to scream at me. He had no right to scream at me or his children. I spoke with confidence and with courage. The father was so taken from being yelled at that he went off, sulking. Then the two kids and their mother came out and embraced me with their arms. They kept thanking me, telling me that they feel free from strife and hurt and pain. I walked away feeling so satisfied and so complete like I had done something worthwhile.
Another part of the dream was held at restaurant with 3 girls and myself. We were talking about Holy Spirit. Somehow, once the conversation became about spirituality the table was a bit tense. This other girl who sat to the left of me was a hyped up girl for Jesus so I wasn't afraid. I talked about how God talked to me through the Holy Ghost. The two skeptics were bewildered at the fact that I had the guts to say I had a direct connection to God. So, I began to go off about Jesus being the Lion of Judah for some reason or another.
So, yeah, that's my dream.
I've been listening to Planet Light Force a lot. I'm getting into the rock alternative music. It's all because of Carl and Malachi, I tell you. It's just cool how kids can listen to rock music and be fed with positive messages. Thinking about going to Festival Con Dios. But I don't know anyone who is really into the whole rock scene like I am.
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
I went to the Bebo Norman Concert with Dave Crowder Band featuring Sarah Sadler. Bebo Norman reminds me of both Shane Barnard and Fernando Ortega. Half Shane for the guitar and hip strums and chords he plays, and Fernando for his deep, soothing voice, and powerful lyrics. Well, Dave Crowder Band are always awesome, cause they the life of the partay. Sarah Sadler is a newbie. She sings really really really high. I don't think I could have hit half of the notes she sung. If I sang her songs, I would sound like a constipated chipmunk.
Going to these concerts is cool. It's definitely a place of hang out. I remember my "nsync" days where I'd go crazy over them performing for 3 minutes on a daytime talk show. It was ridiculous. And at their concerts, I was a wild maniac...but the concerts i go to now aint about the performer or about me. It's nice where both the performer and audience meet at one place to sing about Jesus. It's a coo thang. It's like hangin out in the living room. Which reminds me of this one of many occasions where my friends and I would just sit around and talk. After awhile, the conversation dies. Then somebody suggests we start singing about God. And everybody joins in on giving glory to God. Yay!
Today was also the day of See You At The Pole. It's my second and last year to do it. I enjoyed it. Not a lot of consistent prayer went on since the people were spread apart that people couldn't hear each other, but when there was a long break of silence, someone would just start singing and everybody would join along. That went on for like 25 minutes. Then the first bell rang, meaning, we had 10 minutes to get to class and this teacher came out and told us to get to class. Well, a bunch of us didn't want to go just yet. So we formed our own little circle of about 10 to 15 and sang a song and had a closing prayer. It was a good time and I was late to class. woot woot.
Going to these concerts is cool. It's definitely a place of hang out. I remember my "nsync" days where I'd go crazy over them performing for 3 minutes on a daytime talk show. It was ridiculous. And at their concerts, I was a wild maniac...but the concerts i go to now aint about the performer or about me. It's nice where both the performer and audience meet at one place to sing about Jesus. It's a coo thang. It's like hangin out in the living room. Which reminds me of this one of many occasions where my friends and I would just sit around and talk. After awhile, the conversation dies. Then somebody suggests we start singing about God. And everybody joins in on giving glory to God. Yay!
Today was also the day of See You At The Pole. It's my second and last year to do it. I enjoyed it. Not a lot of consistent prayer went on since the people were spread apart that people couldn't hear each other, but when there was a long break of silence, someone would just start singing and everybody would join along. That went on for like 25 minutes. Then the first bell rang, meaning, we had 10 minutes to get to class and this teacher came out and told us to get to class. Well, a bunch of us didn't want to go just yet. So we formed our own little circle of about 10 to 15 and sang a song and had a closing prayer. It was a good time and I was late to class. woot woot.
Saturday, September 14, 2002
It freekin sucks when there's no support system. I miss my support group. When I had problems, I wasn't afraid, I wasn't hesitant.
I am pretty sick of talking about China, about how much fun I had, about how many things went on, and most importantly, about how God moved all up in China but I want to just shake the people in America to death until they know that God is REAL. The reality of leading lost souls to Christ is the most important thing!! I mean, I've lost the reality of sharing about Jesus just from "hanging out" so much in America. I hate it so much. Argggg.
I'm just so frustrated with people.
My heart goes for people. I grieve when others grieve. I'm happy when other are happy. It's like I've gotten back into the routine of people who are "nice". Yikes. I need people who love Jesus that they aint afraid. I don't want to be a chameleon, shadowing the ways of others. Softening myself so that people can stomp all over me.
I need people who would walk up to a complete stranger and say, "Do you know Jesus? Let me tell you about him" I need people to tell me straight up that I got problems, I need to deal with it, and here's what God wants me to do.
Today, I went to a competition for Choir. Dah! Maan, i suck under pressure. I got into the audition room and I was shaking like crazy. My voice quivered that I lost pitch once or twice. Dah! ANyway, it was interesting. I decided to be bold and ask a couple of strangers if I could sit with them. One of the girls was in my English class and the other was just a friend of hers. So they already had a bond and so i was just kind of an outsider for most of the time. Better than sitting alone. I have two new friends now. I can say "hi!" to them in the halls at school! Yay!
Turns out that they're both Christians. They invited me to go to their fellowship tonight, but i couldn't. Why? Well that's another story. They seem to love God from their church attendance, but who's to say that they know God. One of the girls kept talking about her parents and how she can't understand how come they don't show much affection towards her. I reallly really reallly really really really really really wanted to say something to her about my own relationships with my parents. But I could tell God didn't want me to. Cause everytime i opened my mouth, nothing would come out. ANd I dont think she was really talking to me, but to her friend which...duh...is pretty reasonable.
Is me being quiet really who i am? I wasn't quiet in China. But i am here. Hmmm. DAH!
Yesterday, I took a black girl home. She likes to talk. Hehe. Anyway, she was telling me about a friend of hers, Mark Ballard. Earlier in the year, the school had shared tragic news about a student death of Mark Ballard, and I didn't know him at all. However, she was really close to this guy. Even to the point where she had a crush on him. She was telling me about how she had insomnia ever since he passed away. She was in complete shock that he was dead. She didn't even believe it when a mother of a close friend had told her. It was all a dream to her. MAAAAN, what would it be like for me to lose my closest friend? After listening to her, I realized that life is so precious and finding out such news is like breaking a heart in two. I didn't realize it until someone I knew had lost someone close and someone dear and someone she had talked to just the night before the death. maan...
I am pretty sick of talking about China, about how much fun I had, about how many things went on, and most importantly, about how God moved all up in China but I want to just shake the people in America to death until they know that God is REAL. The reality of leading lost souls to Christ is the most important thing!! I mean, I've lost the reality of sharing about Jesus just from "hanging out" so much in America. I hate it so much. Argggg.
I'm just so frustrated with people.
My heart goes for people. I grieve when others grieve. I'm happy when other are happy. It's like I've gotten back into the routine of people who are "nice". Yikes. I need people who love Jesus that they aint afraid. I don't want to be a chameleon, shadowing the ways of others. Softening myself so that people can stomp all over me.
I need people who would walk up to a complete stranger and say, "Do you know Jesus? Let me tell you about him" I need people to tell me straight up that I got problems, I need to deal with it, and here's what God wants me to do.
Today, I went to a competition for Choir. Dah! Maan, i suck under pressure. I got into the audition room and I was shaking like crazy. My voice quivered that I lost pitch once or twice. Dah! ANyway, it was interesting. I decided to be bold and ask a couple of strangers if I could sit with them. One of the girls was in my English class and the other was just a friend of hers. So they already had a bond and so i was just kind of an outsider for most of the time. Better than sitting alone. I have two new friends now. I can say "hi!" to them in the halls at school! Yay!
Turns out that they're both Christians. They invited me to go to their fellowship tonight, but i couldn't. Why? Well that's another story. They seem to love God from their church attendance, but who's to say that they know God. One of the girls kept talking about her parents and how she can't understand how come they don't show much affection towards her. I reallly really reallly really really really really really wanted to say something to her about my own relationships with my parents. But I could tell God didn't want me to. Cause everytime i opened my mouth, nothing would come out. ANd I dont think she was really talking to me, but to her friend which...duh...is pretty reasonable.
Is me being quiet really who i am? I wasn't quiet in China. But i am here. Hmmm. DAH!
Yesterday, I took a black girl home. She likes to talk. Hehe. Anyway, she was telling me about a friend of hers, Mark Ballard. Earlier in the year, the school had shared tragic news about a student death of Mark Ballard, and I didn't know him at all. However, she was really close to this guy. Even to the point where she had a crush on him. She was telling me about how she had insomnia ever since he passed away. She was in complete shock that he was dead. She didn't even believe it when a mother of a close friend had told her. It was all a dream to her. MAAAAN, what would it be like for me to lose my closest friend? After listening to her, I realized that life is so precious and finding out such news is like breaking a heart in two. I didn't realize it until someone I knew had lost someone close and someone dear and someone she had talked to just the night before the death. maan...
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Monday, September 02, 2002
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