My throat feels like its been scratched by a ferocious cat cause i've been coughing like a constipated donkey

Over 300 people were either saved or rededicated their lives to Jesus at Festival Con Dios (Houston). Heaven is going to be super crowded man.

[music: Softer to Me - Relient K]

It hasn't occured to me that it is Hallow's Eve tonight.

I had a weird dream yesterday night. My dad was mad at me again. He disowned me. He refused to see me. I left in my car. I drove to the middle nowhere. My warning light that indicated my battery is used up kept shining. I felt very anxious and worried. Praying for my car to just keep driving like Brother Andrew's car. Then i woke up.

I kept thinking about going to school during the day. I hate missing class. I was hoping to get an award for perfect attendance this year =P i guess that aint happening. Rebecca St James, Charlie Hall, Superchick at First Baptist tomorrow night...i wanna go.

I'll be truthful with you. I'll be frank. I'm scared to death. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of possibly not being accepted into college. What will happen? Will i have to stay at home like a bum? I have been delaying to send my apps in because I'm hoping that it will look better once I get a job or once i get into NHS. Okay, I'm a sellout. I have to follow the system. I NEED to follow the system of society. If not, my parents will kill me. I'll become a loser. With no identity. I fear that I won't have an identity within society. No not fame or acceptance. No, i want identity. I want to be recognized as Grace, the girl with a lot of potential. Grace, the girl who's going to succeed in life, not necessarily money. Grace, a great woman of God. Grace, the head of the ministry at so and so. I need an identity with God. I need to know where to go for college. It's like asking a boy out. Will he say yes or will he say no? Either way, you anticipate his answer and you daydream about the way that he accepts you. Just like college. I desire to know that i'm accepted before i even send in my applications. My gosh my gosh. So much so much that I can't handle it. WIthin it all, my sanity comes from music and God. All the while that i've been applying, I've always turned to God for comfort because he's the only one that can give it. I suck. i'm such a dirtbag without my God. So give me peace Jesus, give me rest within your arms. Oh great light of the world, shine your truth in me. Let your faith impart in my being. Please God hear my cry. I need you soo much. I need you beyond what words could possibly say. Oh God, God I'm your child. Let me know what you want of me. Let me sacrifice my being for your truth, your way, and your light.

And she sleeps....

Blah Blah Blah....home cause I'm sick. I haven't been sick for over a year now. Blah Blah Blah

There it is. My change. My change of template of my blog. You like? No? well, no matter. what's done is done.

I've decided. I'm going to make a big change...yes, a big change. Change is a big step, as you know, for a great number of people. I've gotten enough balls to do this. I might as well as do it sooner than later when I regret it.

My eyes hurt as if needles are being jammed into the windows of my brain.

*giggles" hehehe

RAIN

I just watched Pretty Woman for like the thousandth time. I don't think I could ever get sick of that movie. I've been watching a lot of tv movies lately. I can't get enough of them. The classics just get to me every time. I'm just going to list a few movies i absolutely love

City of Angels
Addicted to love
Saving Private Ryan
You've Got Mail
An Affair to Remember
Now and Then
Can't Hardly Wait
A Walk to Remember
Patriot
Black Hawk Down
Lord of the Rings
When Harry met Sally
French Kiss
City Slickers III
Maverick
Sleepless in Seattle
Philadelphia
Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
16 Candles
The 5th Element
Pretty Woman

My selection consists of mostly romantic comedies...yes. I am a hopeless romantic, topped with a sense of humor. I also like war or epic movies. There's a lot of bravado and camaderie within the plot. I like that. "Leave no man behind!"

Here am I
MercyMe

On the other side of the world
she stands on the ocean shore
Gazing at the heavens she wonders
Is there something more
Never been told the name of Jesus
She turns and walks away
What a shame

Just across the street in your hometown
Leaving from his nine to five
Gazing down the road he wonders
is this all there is to life
Never been told the name of Jesus
He continues on his way
What a shame

Whom shall I send
Who will go for me
To the ends of the earth
Who will rise up for the King
Here am I send me
Here am I send me

Whether foregin land or neighbors
Everyone's the same
Searching for the answers
That lie within your name
I want to proclaim the name of Jesus
In all I do and say
Unashamed

How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news
Proclaiming peace and your salvation

When they sang this song, the show was finished. It was the best part of the entire day for me. I could left right after and had the best time. It just reminded me of the best time of my life. It reminded me of the sweetest moments in all my life. It wasn't with friends. It wasn't secretly crushing on a cute boy. It wasn't getting straight A's for the entire semester. It was being held. For a moment, I felt warmth within my soul in the storm.

Avril Lavigne is a punk rock poser. But if you like sellouts who put up a front, you buy who you like.

Wow. Man, I still don't know how to take compliments. The compliments seem to go in one ear and out the other. I have trouble holding people accountable to their words because it is a struggle for me to trust people. Especially when it comes to complimenting me. I guess I have this set idea of who I am ever since I was a little girl, and it stuck. I can't get rid of it. The set idea of a fat chinese girl who'll never exceed her parents' expectations, who never had a boyfriend, and who never felt worth more than that of an ant.

But...I'm learning. People do have the tendency to say what they mean. I gotta start believing in that. Though the mouth can be destructive, it can also be uplifting. If you can't love yourself, how can you possibly love the world.

My Choir teacher says I have a beautiful voice after I sang for her in front of the class...

"search within the deep recesses of my soul, and find within me fire that burns brightly through the darkness"

"...even worse are communications between myself and myself. i swear to you, sometimes i wonder if electrical signals simply aren't transmitted entirely or properly in my head, because i can totally feel something in my soul but not have any interest in my body to live accordingly to that, or to put that belief into action. i can't even communicate properly to myself, no wonder i can't communicate to other people without causing some huge gap, some huge void. it's because there's ALWAYS that huge void within myself even. and when there's a void between me and myself, there's a bridge there I can't cross. but when there's a void between me and God...there is a bridge, and it is a cross." - Sean McCarron

He said it so beautifully that I just had to quote him.

Lately, emotions from inner parts of my being have been gushing out of my brain causing a non-stop traffic within my soul. I don't know. Like it's like a trial in itself to wrestle with my own self. There's this period of time where you just want to let it all go, to stop dealing with life's hassles and temptations and stresses and problems and a number of other intolerable accounts of chaos. I hate to say it, but sometimes i just want to give up. Sometimes, there seems to be no purpose for me to be living here in the world.

Sometimes, I imagine myself just as a Mom. I imagine myself raising my kids. Having kids of my own, I would home-school them, speak truth into their lives, set morals and principles, and having fun through it all. To be happy, that's all I want. It's so cliche. =) but it's true. There's just a simple truth in being content with what God gives through life.

Kamikaze
Five Iron Frenzy

I don't know if it's just me
But it seems that things aren't changing
Every day is pretty much the same
With a little rearranging

If I do nothing I can't fail
No blistered hands, no broken nails
Killing time, I'm paralysed
With faded dreams and hollow eyes

I've been waiting for a revelation
For a moment of clarity
Conflicts and convolutions
Ricochete inside of me

There comes a time for throwing caution to the wind
I feel the pulse again

I'm going in (1 2 3 and go)
Like a kamikaze (Like Geronimo)
A leap of faith (And I finally feel alive)
3 2 1 I'm going in

(1 2 3 say when) Like a flaming arrow
(Soaring in the wind) A leap of faith
(And I finally feel alive) 3 2 1 I'm going in

I am so slow to commit
I have wasted years on fences
Is it really true the shoes don't fit
Is it only my defences?

What if I don't measure up
Don't listen well, don't smile enough
Alone and unknown up to now
Need to change direction somehow

I've been open to persuasion
Wanting someone to take the lead
It's a little disconcerting
Signing up for eternity

There comes a time for throwing caution to the wind
And so my life begins

I'm going in
I'm going in
I'm going...

That's how I like it!...-The Freestylers
sick and wrong, that's just sick and wrong...-Dukes of Hazard
Are you Mocking me?...-Rissa
Atta way!...-Doogs
amazing grace, how sweet the sound, when you trans-a-late for me...-T-Shirt Boy
that's cah-razy!!...-Nate AKA Brian Fellows
Right, grace? Right!...-Perkins
I'm an egg -Carl
Well, I'm a banana -Gracers
Me Oh My -Malachi
E-g-g-r-o-l-e, let's roll E-g-g-r-o-l-e, let's roll, let's roll...GOOOOO EGGROLES!-The A team

The smell of cologne is so sweell. I'd be a guy just to spray cologne on myself.

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs,
I look around me and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know 'cause here I go again...
Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly on a mountain high.
Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away for one happy day.
We can be heroes just for just one day...!

Click Here

WE ARE AN ARMY OF ONE!!!!

Okay, last post, I need to know...What's up with the materialism in this place? Why are we so consumed with what we have? This is so cliche but there's people who don't have any food accessible to them and we're complaining about not have the right car, or the right clothes, or the right cell phone? Aiye. What are we coming to?

I have such a simple mind. God=Love, Love=Christ, Christ=Cross, Cross=Salvation, Salvation=Mankind, Mankind=Me! Me=God? Yes. God lives in me, love is in me, Christ is in me. Yay! lol. I'm excited.

Maan, Festival Con Dios is coming soon. I CANT WAIT. I WANNA GO SO BAD!! I'm going to go. I'm going to go. God, are you going to let me go? Can I go? I'll go if you let me go. Praise God!

I think God is transforming the way I look at colleges. At first, they were a hassle. Slowly, but surely, he's changing my mind and heart when I'm focused on him, I can feel myself getting closer to him even if I'm applying to college. Awesomeness! I'm excited.

Can you be Gay and Christian? That's the question of the day...

I got my senior pictures back today. Dah, they look horrible. Yes, yes i know. Everybody says their pictures look bad, but seriously, my pictures look like cow dung. I am not joking. I would rather not be in my senior yearbook than send these pictures in. haha. I laugh at meself. I look at my pictures, point and laugh at that nerd! She looks like a dork! HA! ANyway, I've got an awesome smile though =) I think what I enjoy most about my pictures is that I have this goofy smile where my lips are crooked and one of my eye is slightly more opened than the other. lol. Okay. No one will see my picture. Over my dead body!

Looking for a job. Anyone hiring?

Maan, I feel so refreshed. I just got off the phone from talking to a person from Teen Mania. I felt no judgment, no condemnation, no pressure. Just chit chattin and fellowshippin' with a brother that I don't even know. It's been a long time since I've felt free from being cynical or weighed down by the world...And it was just a simple call.

Aiye. I had a fun-filled weekend. It was exciting. Saturday was Entrepreneurship Day at HBU. What fun! I learned about starting a business and what it takes to make it successful. Mattress Mack spoke. He has some awesome stories to share. Just about persistence and desire and motivation. I might start my own business one day. Or maybe not. I'm a very unmovtivated person when it comes to work. HA! Anyway, I spent the rest of the day watching romantic movies. hehe. Reallly makes you want to cuddle up with that significant other. it does. Woke up early Sunday morning for Juvenile Diabetes Research Walk. It was a good time. Went running out in the rain with God. =) Oh, and my advice is to stretch before running. The moron that I am, forgot to stretch my muscles, and both of my legs feel like they've been beaten with a hammer, no kidding.

God created me in a way that makes me unique. I love being who I am. I love Music. I love performing arts, but why am I going into Business? Why am I doing "what's right" instead of "what feels right"? I'm not exactly sure what my parents would think of me majoring in music. But I'm sure they don't think much of it for when I told them I wanted to be a singer one day, they laughed at me. From then on, I just thought it was stupid that I even consider to want to live life as a musician. But that's my desire. That's what I want. I don't want to go into college having a set mind of one thing and wanting something else. I don't want to be bored at my cubicle. I don't want to shuffle through papers if I don't enjoy it. Maybe what I want isn't what is best for me.

Well, business, ready or not, here I come.

Don't let it get to you, Grace. Don't let people get you down. You're not dependent on them. You're dependent on God. He's your anchor. He's your refuge when you find yourself in the midst of the sandstorm. He's got you in the palm of his hand. He's got you. Just don't let go.