i got this off of a comment at "sterling&co"
"sometimes, being uncertain is exactly where He wants us to be. . . it exercises our faith."
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
is it me, or does the room seem really dark?
I'm going through a dark period. I don't understand a lot of the things i do. I think i upset people when i really don't mean to. I want to make a decision for my future. I want to set goals for myself. I want to know what will happen a year from now. But if i don't step into the water, how will i ever know?
Life is about taking risks. It's when you trust God that everything makes sense.
Maybe i am having a hard time trusting God for my relationships, my career, my family, and for myself. It's been a long time since i've heard from him. I wonder if i shout to him, he'll hear me call him.
I'm scared of stepping on people's toes. I'm scared of making the wrong move to upset people. I'm not being myself. I have a hard time trusting people. I sense a lot of my relationships are one-way, because i make them that way.
Life is about taking risks. It's when you trust God that everything makes sense.
Maybe i am having a hard time trusting God for my relationships, my career, my family, and for myself. It's been a long time since i've heard from him. I wonder if i shout to him, he'll hear me call him.
I'm scared of stepping on people's toes. I'm scared of making the wrong move to upset people. I'm not being myself. I have a hard time trusting people. I sense a lot of my relationships are one-way, because i make them that way.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
trying to regain consciousness
for its only in your will that i am free.
I've been lost. This last semester was a blur. I don't remember half of the things that happened. I've been carried away by lust and temptations. And had a hard time coming back to reality and to the truth. I need God more than ever. Truthfully, I am uncertain about life. I have doubts. I continue to struggle with the idea of a supreme being having complete control of my life. I am often confused of God's will in my life. Am i doing things for him or for my own selfish recognition? Tonight, i've been reevaluating my life. Who am i serving?
I'm so lost. There are a lot of things going right now. I don't know how to manage. I'd give it up to God but i don't where to start. Maybe rest will clear my mind.
I've been lost. This last semester was a blur. I don't remember half of the things that happened. I've been carried away by lust and temptations. And had a hard time coming back to reality and to the truth. I need God more than ever. Truthfully, I am uncertain about life. I have doubts. I continue to struggle with the idea of a supreme being having complete control of my life. I am often confused of God's will in my life. Am i doing things for him or for my own selfish recognition? Tonight, i've been reevaluating my life. Who am i serving?
I'm so lost. There are a lot of things going right now. I don't know how to manage. I'd give it up to God but i don't where to start. Maybe rest will clear my mind.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Revitalized.
Thank you to:
Pastor Chris, Mario, Nathan, Vincent, Edwin, Grant, Howie, Andrew, Robert, Khoa, Alan, and Aaron
Jung, Sami, Elaine Yao, Rebecca, Lee, Peggy, Natalie, Mika, Kristina, Apphia, Elaine Yeung, Hanna, Diane, Zain, Lisa, Haena, Hazel, Karen, Wynette, and Jennifer
...i love that you guys called me, text messaged me, sent me emails, marked my wall, or visited me to wish me a happy birthday. I had a wonderful birthday. Thank you Elaine for the movie and my first jamba juice smoothie. I had a great time catching up with you and Rebecca. After the movie and drink, i went home and played tennis with my younger brother and my dad. it was fun. Then, i went to dinner with the fam. I loved it. I stuffed myself like whoa. Loved it.
I realize how much more i appreciate my family now. God has opened my eyes to their qualities and their beauty.
Andy has become more considerate. He has more compassion. He has become more of a friend than an older brother and i think that's what me and michael want most from him. At the same time, he has become more confident and ambitious than ever before. I'm so proud of him.
Michael is my world. I love him to death. I am closest to him. Out of all the people i know, i can be most myself around him. He doesn't hold grudges. He teaches me so much about being patient and ability to compromise. He humbles me every so often and puts me in my place. hehe. Who knew a younger brother could do that.
My mom is beautiful. I realized how genuinely sweet and caring she is. With what's happened recently, i now see how much she really loves me. She's willing to listen. She understands. She sacrifices so much. She's so patient with my arrogance. I can't imagine what life would be like if she wasn't around. Her prayer life has been great too. She is spiritually growing.
Last but certainly not least, my daddy. If you've kept with me in my blogging journey, i've complained, ranted, and screamed about my dad til no end. I seriously think God has softened his heart. I don't know if it's cause he's growing old or what. Or maybe being diagnosed with diabetes has cause him to go 180. But my dad has become sensitive. He's learned how to listen before he speaks. He keeps my best interest in mind at all times. He talks about God more freely. He's more affectionate than ever. Again, with today being my 20th birthday, he has expressed his love for me more than ever.
...so much joy. thank you God for this day. i love you.
Pastor Chris, Mario, Nathan, Vincent, Edwin, Grant, Howie, Andrew, Robert, Khoa, Alan, and Aaron
Jung, Sami, Elaine Yao, Rebecca, Lee, Peggy, Natalie, Mika, Kristina, Apphia, Elaine Yeung, Hanna, Diane, Zain, Lisa, Haena, Hazel, Karen, Wynette, and Jennifer
...i love that you guys called me, text messaged me, sent me emails, marked my wall, or visited me to wish me a happy birthday. I had a wonderful birthday. Thank you Elaine for the movie and my first jamba juice smoothie. I had a great time catching up with you and Rebecca. After the movie and drink, i went home and played tennis with my younger brother and my dad. it was fun. Then, i went to dinner with the fam. I loved it. I stuffed myself like whoa. Loved it.
I realize how much more i appreciate my family now. God has opened my eyes to their qualities and their beauty.
Andy has become more considerate. He has more compassion. He has become more of a friend than an older brother and i think that's what me and michael want most from him. At the same time, he has become more confident and ambitious than ever before. I'm so proud of him.
Michael is my world. I love him to death. I am closest to him. Out of all the people i know, i can be most myself around him. He doesn't hold grudges. He teaches me so much about being patient and ability to compromise. He humbles me every so often and puts me in my place. hehe. Who knew a younger brother could do that.
My mom is beautiful. I realized how genuinely sweet and caring she is. With what's happened recently, i now see how much she really loves me. She's willing to listen. She understands. She sacrifices so much. She's so patient with my arrogance. I can't imagine what life would be like if she wasn't around. Her prayer life has been great too. She is spiritually growing.
Last but certainly not least, my daddy. If you've kept with me in my blogging journey, i've complained, ranted, and screamed about my dad til no end. I seriously think God has softened his heart. I don't know if it's cause he's growing old or what. Or maybe being diagnosed with diabetes has cause him to go 180. But my dad has become sensitive. He's learned how to listen before he speaks. He keeps my best interest in mind at all times. He talks about God more freely. He's more affectionate than ever. Again, with today being my 20th birthday, he has expressed his love for me more than ever.
...so much joy. thank you God for this day. i love you.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
New beginnings.
Good Morning ladies and gentlemen.
Tis a new year. I already have things to share. I spent tonight with my family. First i went to dinner at my Aunt's place. Huong's family came over as well. I didn't eat much because of a delicious feast of hotpot early this afternoon. Afterwards, the kids plus my mom went to daniel's room to watch the 10 best episodes of friends. After we found huong's mom (a whole other story), me and my parents left for home. On the ride home, i realized i spoke exactly two words at dinner. My uncle asked me if it was my second year at baylor, i said yes. My aunt asked me when i was going back to waco, i said seventh. I'm not in a talkative mood to say the least.
We came back. My dad plopped himself in front of chinese cable. My mom and i plopped in front of Kate & Leopold on TNT. I need a gentleman.
I make new year resolutions each year. Recently, i've started a pattern for at least one of my resolutions. I boycott something. For the year 2003, i boycotted (or what i'd like to call "fasting" but that might be considered heresy) boba. Last year, i didn't buy or drink any starbucks...kinda. I broke it a week beforehand. But what did i expect? hehe
This year i want to whole heartedly promise myself and others to be a better person in keeping my resolutions.
Resolutions:
1. tell one of my secrets to at least one person.
2. a random act of kindness given to others as occasionally as possible.
3. live with integrity.
4. read the word, pray, and worship daily.
5. be less critical.
6. love unconditionally.
7. honor my parents.
These are very generalized. Yes, i know. I don't want to promise something that i don't intend to keep. God, help me with the things that i struggle with. Teach me in your ways of goodness. May this year bear fruit so that it may glorify you.
Tis a new year. I already have things to share. I spent tonight with my family. First i went to dinner at my Aunt's place. Huong's family came over as well. I didn't eat much because of a delicious feast of hotpot early this afternoon. Afterwards, the kids plus my mom went to daniel's room to watch the 10 best episodes of friends. After we found huong's mom (a whole other story), me and my parents left for home. On the ride home, i realized i spoke exactly two words at dinner. My uncle asked me if it was my second year at baylor, i said yes. My aunt asked me when i was going back to waco, i said seventh. I'm not in a talkative mood to say the least.
We came back. My dad plopped himself in front of chinese cable. My mom and i plopped in front of Kate & Leopold on TNT. I need a gentleman.
I make new year resolutions each year. Recently, i've started a pattern for at least one of my resolutions. I boycott something. For the year 2003, i boycotted (or what i'd like to call "fasting" but that might be considered heresy) boba. Last year, i didn't buy or drink any starbucks...kinda. I broke it a week beforehand. But what did i expect? hehe
This year i want to whole heartedly promise myself and others to be a better person in keeping my resolutions.
Resolutions:
1. tell one of my secrets to at least one person.
2. a random act of kindness given to others as occasionally as possible.
3. live with integrity.
4. read the word, pray, and worship daily.
5. be less critical.
6. love unconditionally.
7. honor my parents.
These are very generalized. Yes, i know. I don't want to promise something that i don't intend to keep. God, help me with the things that i struggle with. Teach me in your ways of goodness. May this year bear fruit so that it may glorify you.
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