"Everyone's in the restroom, but no one is using the bathroom."

Yeah, I didn't get into UT.

It's so strange. People around me have gotten their acceptance letters with great joy. And I wanted in on that relief. But I didn't get it. That whole rejection thing is not good for my soul. I didn't think it would happen to me. Perhaps in my mind, I had jinxed it by thinking that they wouldn't reject me, I'm Grace, sure I'm not smart, but I'm capable. But, no no. I need to be more realistic. I'm not worth that scholarship. I'm not worth it. I'm worthless to any alma mater.

My mind is cluttered with all these ideas that maybe I'm not even that smart to begin with. I start thinking, maybe college is not the way to go. I start to think maybe I should just find the next man I meet and marry him and live life as a housewife, without the burdens of education. Oh God, what am I thinking? I wish I could call them and tell them that their rejection of me has caused me mental instability so in order to relieve the tension on my brain they should just let me in anyway.

Darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it.

I WANT TO SCREAM.

To-do list (within the next four days):

1. Work on Satire pamplet for Spradley: come up with witty subject
2. Go to 24 hour fitness to take advantage of 10 day pass
3. Work on Ronnenkamp's AP test and actually finish
4. Look over Accounting tests
5. Reread The Sacred Romance
6. Watch Chicago again

Hello, yes I have changed back to my original template. I like this template. Simplicity...that's the key.

i went to Ar-kansas over the weekend.

It was...interesting. The high point of the entire trip was horseback riding. I went twice. So, now my legs feel like noodles and it hurts when i walk. I even look like those cowboys who walk with their feet apart as if they're still riding the horse. Oh! and i made pooh dance. =)

hello world,

i seem to be doing this blog on a weekly basis. That's odd. Cause I have a lot of free time. I would think that I'd be blogging away like no other. But I'm not. Blogging is not a priority of mine. I want to say that I have better things to do. But i really don't. I just kinda drift off on my bed. Speaking of which, I've been sleeping way too much. I usually go to sleep around 11 or 12 at night, wake up at 6, come home at 2, bum around until 4, take a 4 hour nap, wake up at 8, eat dinner and hw for 3 or 4 hours and then go to sleep at 11 or 12. so that's approximately 13 hours that I'm awake each cycle and approximately 11 hours I'm asleep. wow. im asleep for almost half a day. You know, too much sleep is a sign of depression.

I have social anxiety disorder you guys. I get nervous just talking to people and I panic when having to speak to people, even in casual conversation. I'd rather chat on AIM just to avoid them having to see me or hear my voice. I wonder why this is. Oye, not definitely...def- definitely no-not a goo-good thi-ing.

Send me my rejection letter already!!

I like to sing. I like to dance. I like to write. I like to read. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to write. I want to read.

It's sure is hot in herre. It's gettin hot in herre. I am gettin so hott. I'mma take my clothes offf.

Evanescence has become so mainstreem that I dislike it. I liked the idea that I was the only one who knew about them.

Last Wednesday, my English teacher wanted the entire class to discuss the commonly used allusions in poems. She handed us a handout that had a list of allusions from the Bible and of Greek mythology. Well, i glanced at it. I thought, "yeah, I guess i know some of the old testament. But mainly more of the Gospels." So I didn't really bother with it. I just spaced out for quite awhile. Until Divya asked me if i wanted to discuss some of it together. I was like, ok.

She asked me about each and every single one of the old testament. I started to tell her about Cain and Abel, Noah and the flood, Abraham and Sarah, Abraham and Isaac, Moses and Egypt....and the list goes on. Basically, I told her as much of the Old testament as I could. I was really surprised that I knew so much. At the same time, I realized I'm not capable of teaching about the Bible. I'm not good at explaining things very well. I start to mumble and stutter. I know the stuff. Just can't verbally translate it. Once and awhile I would look around the class to see if anyone was doing the same: explaining the Bible. Alicia had a group listening to her and so did Annie. It was kinda cool. They both looked so excited about sharing God. For the most part, I was excited. Cause while i was talking to her, I thought "this is a great way to witness to someone, telling them about God through the Bible" and I got all happy. But then I was afraid I would butcher the details if I wasn't cool and aloof about it. *shrugs* I hope I got to her in some way.

I also had a hard time explaining to Divya how I knew so much about it and trying not to use "spiritual terms" or "Christianese". As well as the fact that I had to go into a lot of detail because she doesn't know anything about the Bible. =/ it was fun, nonetheless.

Close your eyes for just one moment. Imagine all of life became clear in a split second. You knew what you wanted from living on earth. You realized that all you needed was love. That the greatest thing that you can do is love. What then? What happens after? Is that it? An epiphany of some sort...and then nothing? I go about it the wrong way. I go about it in terms of having one person to love. Why not love the world in its entirety?

Oye, i find myself caring for others more than for my own welfare. Once I begin to consume myself with others' problems, I forget my own insecurities, my own deals with the world. But how can I do so successfully, without getting stabbed and shot at, without being wounded with the poisonous arrows. He never said it was easy...he never really did...

Everyone has a story. Just let them sing it out.