Amazing.
It's so weird to be back. Now that I have nothing else going on in my life besides being at home, I come back to where I started, here.
I've been through a lot of changes in the last year. I basically shifted my social group to a group of girls that I've come to love and really respect. I started off the year still unsure of who my friends were and now that I've come to the end of 2007, it's really clear to me where I value my relationships. I still have a problem maintaining my friendships but it's nice to know that I don't have to try so hard or fake so hard to please everybody now that I do things for myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not as selfish as that statement comes off. But my life is my own and if I can't own up to it, who will?
So, I'm in the transitioning part of my life where I need to get a job. But all I want to do is to get married!
haha.
That's funny to say as I type this. But unfortunately, it is very true. One of my longtime crushes just got engaged. And he's younger than me. I couldn't believe it. He's such a likeable guy. Many girls had a crush on him, I believe. But the upsetting part is that I got upset. Why?? Why should I be upset when I barely know this guy? Then it occured to me that I want the life he has. I want to be engaged. I want to be settled in the fact that I've found the one that I will be with for the rest of my life. I got upset because my dreams are happening to other people and it makes me wonder if they're more fortunate than I am. Here I am, at home, without a job and without a man. From my viewpoint, it looks quite pitiful and what saddens me more is that the little voice of hope in my head is very faint and distant.
I have a hard time seeing the future. haha. But I have to pray. I have to pray that even though I can't see it, doesn't mean that it's not there for me to get a hold of.