Amazing.
It's so weird to be back. Now that I have nothing else going on in my life besides being at home, I come back to where I started, here.
I've been through a lot of changes in the last year. I basically shifted my social group to a group of girls that I've come to love and really respect. I started off the year still unsure of who my friends were and now that I've come to the end of 2007, it's really clear to me where I value my relationships. I still have a problem maintaining my friendships but it's nice to know that I don't have to try so hard or fake so hard to please everybody now that I do things for myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not as selfish as that statement comes off. But my life is my own and if I can't own up to it, who will?
So, I'm in the transitioning part of my life where I need to get a job. But all I want to do is to get married!
haha.
That's funny to say as I type this. But unfortunately, it is very true. One of my longtime crushes just got engaged. And he's younger than me. I couldn't believe it. He's such a likeable guy. Many girls had a crush on him, I believe. But the upsetting part is that I got upset. Why?? Why should I be upset when I barely know this guy? Then it occured to me that I want the life he has. I want to be engaged. I want to be settled in the fact that I've found the one that I will be with for the rest of my life. I got upset because my dreams are happening to other people and it makes me wonder if they're more fortunate than I am. Here I am, at home, without a job and without a man. From my viewpoint, it looks quite pitiful and what saddens me more is that the little voice of hope in my head is very faint and distant.
I have a hard time seeing the future. haha. But I have to pray. I have to pray that even though I can't see it, doesn't mean that it's not there for me to get a hold of.
2 comments:
I really wish I couldn't relate to what you're saying. But everything you just said sounds really, really familiar.
I received your message and I'll call back soon! I can't tonight because I really need rest (I haven't allotted myself enough since we returned so I'm going late to work and falling asleep there really badly).
*hug*
Remember that you're SO young still and that it's great that you can't imagine the future because there are just SO many awesome possibilities and experiences ahead of you~! You'll have the things you dream of someday, don't worry.
Don't know when you're heading up to Dallas, but I was actually going to Waco this Saturday for an old classmate's wedding, so I hope to see you there or in Dallas or at least in passing...
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