my baby.

my NEW baby

i am extremely giddy. Along side with my laptop, my guitar, and my boyfriend (jk >.>), I have a new baby.

it won't be long until i name it. THANK yoU! Muah*

crappola

i keep forgetting to call them! i need to stick a memo on my arm, CALL HER!

Happy Birthday to Amy Sung, Elaine Yeung, and Aaron Lee. 3 births in one day. nice.

I was reading some of my old posts earlier today. I realized something. I was really hungry!

I was truly hungry for God. When I had first became a believer, I really wanted to get to know Him. I wanted my inner parts to groan for his truth and it really did. I'd read the Bible as much as I could and try to understand things even with my inability to comprehend. My reading skills were never that great, by the way. I'd have to read passages over and over again to understand.

I don't know what happened in between then and now. I want to say that it's someone elses fault. I want to blame someone else. Then i think, there's no one to blame but yourself, Grace. You put yourself in situations. You put yourself in the place for ridicule and deceit.

No.

God has an interesting way of making my life a living hell, huh? God put me in and out of life's difficulties. So i would learn. Just as a baby learns to walk for the first time. He gradually eases his feet maybe a centimeter or an inch! just to reach from his cradle to the bottle on the table, in hope of appeasing his insatiable appetite. And just when he's courageous enough to take a few inches more, he falls! But with strength and will, he slowly reaches for the cradle and pulls himself up, out to try one more time.

I've fallen. I need to get up. I know God is with me. I know he is. Those tears I cry at night, it's because i want him. I know it. I just need to understand. I need to learn to understand. Will i choose to have courage or sit in cowardice?

here's a treat:

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 82% Emergent/Postmodern 68% Fundamentalist 46% Classical Liberal 46% Neo orthodox 43% Roman Catholic 39% Charismatic/Pentecostal 32% Reformed Evangelical 32% Modern Liberal 29% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Socially Handicapped.

I ran into Fara and Clara today at Santong. I talked, like really talked to Natalie for the first time. I met new people and could not for the life of me, remember their names.

I've grown somewhat weary of meeting new people in a way. It's either getting to know people that aren't in your immediate circle of friends or conversing in listless chatter that doesn't have much worth to it, in other words, it takes effort. Quite frankly, i'm tired. I think i need a little break from humanity. If i haven't returned your calls or picked up my phone, it means i'm on a break. But i'll get back to you as soon as i'm available to be used again.

Okay, Okay. I'll try not to be bitter.

I'm suppose to be working on my research paper. =) but instead i want to curl up with a nice book in one hand and a cup of mocha in the other.

Seniority.

I finally realized that i am old. Dah, i played poker for the first time in a lone while tonight. Robert and I played with a few high school students. It consisted mostly in observing and participating in these boys taking our money, well, more of robert's money. They were persistently aggressive. They're not even bluffing, they're just scaring the crap out of you. I think, if the buy-in was 40 and the anti was 10, it would be a different story.

I was also talking to Elaine. We met up for dinner, but it ended up, simply us meeting up to chat. She turns 20 soon. And she vocalized the fact that when you hit 20, there's no significant landmark, like getting in to watch rated-R movies, or the ability to buy cigarettes, or casually walk into the casino. Turning 20, simply means, you're getting old. Oye. I hear my girlfriends, exclaiming to be old at the age of 21 and i didn't understand, but now i do. aiyah.

AND, i think the awkward moment of the day was when the host for the poker game decided to use the restroom and didn't close the door. >.<

i've had some tripped out dreams...this last one might be on my top ten.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.
-Washington Irving

I'm tired of crying.

women are vicious.

i spent the first half of my day watching television. I can't do this anymore, man. I've been losing brain cells ever since i got back from baylor. But anyways, so i spent the first part of my day watching "the next american top model". I just could not tear myself away from the tv. There was an episode where each contestant had to pose nude for the camera. One of the girls that was from tennessee just refused to take off her clothes because she thought she would have been defiling or degrading her body because her body is "holy and sacred". However, according to the make-up artist, at a previous photo shoot, Robyn, the so-called holy diva, had been jiggling her assets to him. Now, Tyra called her out and lectured her about talking about Jesus, keeping a pure mind and heart, and keeping her body sacred just to turn around and think only for her own benefit, criticizing others, or simply being a hypocrite...

...That's why we get bashed so much.

I have to confess, it's hard to live a pure and holy life. It's hard to think of others more highly than yourself. i know that God didn't say it was easy. But how does the church reach out to the community when there are people out there misrepresenting Jesus? People go overseas. And that's great. Spread the gospel in the motherland. But what about in the states? I think America needs some revival. I need some revival.

Another thing i noticed lately is that life is simply about choice. You choose to take drugs or not. You choose to go to college or not. You choose which college to go to. You choose your major. You choose the blue or red pill.

You choose to believe in Christ. You choose to go to church. You choose to love. You choose to make an impact in someone's life.

the reason why i feel stagnant? is because i choose to be lazy. lol. simply put. Man, i need to get my life into gear.

[by the way, i think the title is irrelevant]