taboo

What's another word for afraid?

Scared?
Frightened?

No, when it's nighttime and it's dark, how do you feel?

SCARED SHITLESS!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAH

Free acts of service?

Today, I was driving home from work. And I stopped at the intersection of Beechnut and Beltway 8. As I waited patiently for the light to turn green, a man comes with a bottle and squeegee to wash my windshield. He didn't glance over to me to see if I wanted it. I waved no. But he did it anyway. Gah, now, I start to think do I or don't I? Well, I'm about giving and receiving, very transactional. But I didn't ask him to do it, I even signaled, "NO." And if I do roll down my window, who knows what he'll do. But then, if I don't roll down my window, he'd be like what's up? and may even do something worse. So I resolve, No. I didn't ask for it, why should I pay for it? After he was done, he gestured, "whaddup?" by raising his arms in like a do-you-want-to-fight sort of way.

And I gave him my shy, I-don't-want-to-give-you-money-but-I-appreciate-the-thought look. haha. And he went on his way.

Today, my coworkers talked about inter-racial dating. I don't see color. But I know my family does. I know I'm open to dating other races. But, I have to keep in mind the future. Goodness, what to do.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

skepticism

Men.

I hear stories. It saddens me. Leaves me with less hope each day. God, please forgive me. Please let me love without borders.

Star Trek

Fandango sends me an email to ask about my Star Trek: IMAX experience.

Well, let me tell you, it was amazing. I loved the movie. Haven't seen such a good action movie in a long time.

My favorite character is Spock. Logical and robotic, yet so fragile and human. Love it.

Will expand further later on. Need to sleep.

relationship talk

So, yah. In honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to talk about how amazing my mom is.

My mom is so amazing. She has carried the weight of our family on her shoulders for most of my life, and possibly since she first got married. And because of her love for our family, I now see how much love she has and I respond in kind. I wish to give her all the love that she deserves plus the love God gives through me...which is the best love ever.

My mom is a soldier. Because she has carried the weight, she has been through so much pain, neglect, despair, and disappointment day in and out. But God is completely restoring her soul and healing her where wounds have run deep.

Her love is astounding. Her love for even our dog runs so deep. She loves us so much that she's willing to lay down her selfish desires and simply live for the family.

Goodness, when I become a mom, I would be amazed if I were half the woman she is now. She is so strong and courageous. She is so meek and humble. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She brought me into the world and have constantly looked out for my best interest. God has truly blessed me with a wonderful mother. There is no other like her. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing than the self-sacrificing love from a mom.

In other news, I'm constantly skeptical about relationships now. that's all. Will expand later, maybe.

basketball equals life?

So playoffs. Rockets versus the world.

Don't strangle me, but I don't understand the appeal of watching basketball. I'd much rather play sports than just watch it. And if I do watch sports, I only watch cause my friends are playing (ie intramurals). There just seems to be too much hype that I may never understand. Well, maybe one day I will if I pledge loyalty to one particular city, not being Houston.

In other news, God is so good. Today, I realize that my past doesn't matter. It has shaped who I am today. But living in the past only causes you to move backward in time. The present is happening now and the future is only seconds away. And with each second, passes a minute, then an hour, and before you know it, the entire day has flown by without you knowing it because you're still holding on to that first second or that distant memory that happen a billion seconds ago.

What else? I've also come to the realization that what people think about me doesn't matter. I mean, I care what people think and how they feel about life. But what they think of me is not a concern for me. They may think all they want. But I answer to God. And I want my life to exemplify the blood of Christ and what that shed blood means for me and for the rest of the world.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about accountability. If I've done wrong, I want people to confront me about it. But I don't mean to sound self-righteous or conceited, but it doesn't happen often that people call me out. I don't know whether they're afraid of calling me out or I'm just to quiet of a girl for them to notice that I've done wrong and my mistakes slip through the cracks. But again, I'll answer to God for any lack of faith or disobedience.

I've also learned that I can't force people to say anything. Often times, I find my curiosity biting me in the butt. I ask too many questions or I become so nosy that people get irritated at me for invading their hoola hoop. But I'm not doing it out of malicious intent. It's purely out of concern and wanting to hear your story. And how can I pray for you if I don't understand? I don't know. This relationship thing is hard.

God, grant me patience to love and love without ceasing.

Maybe basketball does translate into life. Flagrant foul, hah.