My cousin bloody updated? wow, who'da thunk.

anyway, so, i'm sitting here feeling all sorry for myself, not really making much out of anything. an epiphany just occured to me...who the freaking cares...

i know. i know. I have problems. I need to deal with it in the most sophisticated manner. I am tired of overanalyzing the situation, circumstances, consequences, and what not. i wish i could somehow numb my pain and depression away. I'm not asking for sympathy nor pity. I am getting it out there into the internet abyss.

I don't talk because there is no need to. Who needs to talk when you've got an online journal? right? am i right?

But yeah, i probably need to consult with God about my emotions. Maybe, I'm just being stubborn. I want this feeling of loneliness to linger just a bit longer to understand where it is coming from. Cause i know God provides the comfort i need. Yeah, pride.

Oh yeah, never talked about Rec Week. It was truly a God thing. I had a good time with brothers and sisters at IV. I love that natural bond that you have with those that are free in Christ even if you just met. You guys just come together with the same purpose and drive to love God and serve without inhibitions, or at least close to none. The one big thing that I got out of it was the fact that we got closer as a fellowship. We came together as a body and goofed off (majority of the time) but still collaborated to get the job done. We were able to pray for each other. We ate together. We worshipped together. We learned together. It was great. I learned the importance of a community and the importance of the body with many parts. Next year, all of us are going to working specific areas of the fellowship, and i can't wait to see what God has in store for each of us. Especially for what each of us have to offer to the fellowship. With our time, energy, and most likely, money put into it, I know that God will work miracles. I wait in eager expectation. i definitely love the time i spend with the girls. Each are so beautiful in their own way. I love Kristina for her sensitive heart and her carefree spirit. I love Hanna for her gentle heart to listen and sustaining strong heart. I love Mika for her sweet, caring nature and her selfless acts of kindness.

Overall, it was a good chance for us to bond and refresh ourselves in the presence of God.

I say, "boo on boys."

bah.

for the first time in my life, I seriously wonder if there really is that ONE person you will spend the rest of eternity with. In the past, i didn't doubt that God had someone in store for me. In fact, i recall having full assurance that God will provide someone suitable for me as a potential husband, excuse me, a bonafide ascertained husband. With the events that have ocurred in the last two weeks, i have fallen off my balance beam and came crashing down into oblivion. My world is a bit on the tipsy side. I am confused, a bit worried, but mostly, sad.

"I'll get over it." I've said it a thousand times this last semester. I use the avoidance tactic to relieve myself of any problematic situation. I will proceed if there are no further objections.

[sigh]

It is during this time of year that i become quite sentimental and emotional. It's a time where things come to end as the school year comes to a pause and the summer begins. This year had many firsts and many lasts. Too busy to elaborate, but i was just speculating...I've grown without knowing it.

Praise God.