I've been through many battles; with God, with family, and with friends. This is probably one my biggest battles: a battle with myself.

struggling to find air to breathe.

friendship.

i can honestly say that i don't have any one person for which i can say, hey, she is my best friend.

lately, i've been lonely. Maybe it was because spring break was pretty much me staying in the house waiting for my family to come home. Maybe i've come to realize that there's never a moment where i can be completely content. Maybe life has become too redundant for me to care.

Today has been mentally exhaustive. I can't figure out what i want to do with my life. I was walking home from class and i kept wondering if what i'm doing is honoring God. Is accounting what i want to do for the rest of my life? Do i want to have to submit to others? Can i stand looking at numbers for long periods of time? I had an interview for an internship next year. The interview itself went well. I am confident in who i am and what i believe in. The only problem i have is being assertive and tenacious. To get into the business world is not an easy task. But then, i thought, i love to talk to people. I love to be in fellowship with people and receive my blessings from getting to know how people think and work. But how can i find a job fitting for that? And then something happened this weekend that triggered a thought in my head. Why are people so exclusive? I don't understand why i have to walk on eggshells so that people aren't hurt. If I go to one thing without inviting an uninvited friend, i hurt my friend. If I go to a friend's thing and invite someone, i hurt my friend for inviting someone without their consent. It gives me a headache. Maybe it's better that i don't get invited to anything at all. But then i think well if i'm not invited, then are we really that great of friends? Because obviously, if the way they think of me is the way that i think of them, then shouldn't they consider me as an invitee? I would invite them. Then again, i'm not really into hosting things. And then well if i plan things what happens if people back out? I know I should be understanding and considerate, but it makes you think. Was there any point where the other party was considering my opinions or what i had to say about the situation? And then, well, at what point do you tell someone that a comment they made was offensive and somewhat insulting? Again, I'm not the kind to be abrupt and get upset instantaneously, but really, was there a point where the other party thought about what i thought or how i felt. I'm also beginning to feel that i don't belong in any one place anymore.

Man, i've been really moody and contemplative. I think i need to rest. My head is beginning to ache.

I think i'm going to try finding the secret of being content in God.

inane.

I woke up, I glanced at my phone, 7:15, and I went back to sleep. I had the worst time sleeping last night. I kept tossing and turning, hoping whatever position I end up in will put me to sleep. Have you ever had those nights? Where you can't sleep? It's as if God is preventing you from sleeping for an incoherent reason?

I dunno why. *shrugs

The next time i looked at my phone, 11:40. I thought, I can't believe the week of my spring break has already passed. Sometime this weekend, i have another 3 hour trak to Baylor. Ugh. I still have a bunch of errands to run...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! It's time to PARTY! (not really.)