I'm starting to work on my college apps. *sigh* I never thought this year would come, but it finally has. Oh my. I'm a senior and this is my last year of my high school career. And I'm off to bigger and better things in college and young adulthood. hehe.

cahrazy stuff:
duct tape... its real cool.

I've always wanted to know what it meant for me to live for God, as a woman. David, he was a man after God's own heart, shouting and dancing for the Lord with all his might. That's what I want to be. A woman after God's own heart, shouting and dancing for the Lord with all my might. =) Read Proverbs 31, ladies. It gives insight on being a woman, a woman that you were meant to be.

...Oh how the heart is easily deceived
As day mourns so the nights grieve
as time passes the eyes weep
day by the day the tides wash the ground
leaving behind things dear
scarring the tender bosom at its core...

...the storm is strong
the waves crash
Oh how the heart is easily deceived...

Dah! I'm such an idiot!

I go home from Elaine's house. I find that there's a red stain on my pants! Dah! What the heck is that? Ketchup? Salsa? I don't KNOW! BUT I HAD IT ON MY BUTT!! My gosh, my gosh. Well, for those of you that went to Elaine's house and didn't know i made a fool of myself. Well, now you know. =) Praaiise God!

Just a tip, don't wear wet clothes to sleep...don't ask

Micah 7:18 "He delights to show mercy"

LOL

I AM THE BIGGEST DORK EVER KNOWN TO MANKIND!!@!

Okay, I had a reminiscing session again. Just recalling the times I've made a fool of myself in front of my peers. Oh, I love it. Praise God for the humiliation (hey almost sounds like humility). I don't know about you, but those times are very critical for me. I can either laugh out loud about it and put it aside or I can harbor it into my thoughts and just press rewind over and over and over again. I think God has allowed me to go through my ridiculously stupid instances to really ground me into my faith, my child-like faith that I really really really really really want for Him and Him alone.

ahhh...home sweet home

Everyday, I look forward to coming home from school. Just as the bell rings for 6th period to end, I rejoice! Praise the Lord! School is over! ahh...but there's still 177 more school days left. Praise God.

Welp, off i go to do my US Govt. homework. It sure is an interesting class. Talk about government and politics. Cool stuff.

DAH! I'm such a dirtbag!

the Spirit is strong but the flesh is weak...

Why God? Why are you so good to me? Why do you delight to show mercy? Why do you search me so? I don't deserve you. I'm not worthy of your magnanimous name. Why have you taken me out of hell? Why have you cleansed me? Why are you so generous? Why do you look upon me with favor? Why do you love me?

Praise be to God of the Universe, Creator of all things. In all things, Praise God for he is worthy to be praised.

Mmm...just had PBJ. it was muy delicioso...

God has seriously shown me to make fun of life. Be a kid for once, Grace. Don't grow up so fast.

Luke 18:17 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

It's there in the Word. Be like this or don't be like this...then you shall reap the consequences, you reap what you sow. Transparency is what is so evident in children. My little brother? Man, i love him so much. He just has life within him and has a lot of passion when it comes to his heart and God has blessed me with him so much so. God uses him to teach me as well. Patience is definitely one of them. But God delights in my brother because he's a free spirit and I'm still learning to be a free, passionate spirit.

Everyone's heart has a story. As I've started school, God has really showned me how beautiful and creative each individual in my classes really are. Even those really quiet and shy ones (like me) have a story because of their own unique heart that God has given them. I mean, i have a very quiet soul, but i have a story because I've been through trials that God specifically placed in My life for My personal walk with Him. It makes me unique. It makes me special =)

In Jesus' Name, I make a fresh and strong commitment today to live the
life of love, to let the tenderness of God flow through me and heal the
wounded hearts of those I meet.

Father, teach me to love even when things go wrong. To be patient and
kind when the children are underfoot. To overlook the spiteful words of
an angry spouse. To rejoice when someone at the office gets the raise
that I thought I needed. Teach me to talk in love, to lay gossip quietly
aside and to take up words of grace instead.

Lord, Your Word says that Your love is already inside me...that it has
been shed abroad in my heart. So today, I resolve to remove every
obstacle that would keep that love from flowing freely into the lives of
others. I put resentments behind me, and I forgive all those who've done
me wrong.

In the days ahead, cause me to increase and excel and overflow with
Your love. Cause me to be what this world needs most of all...a living
example of love. Amen.

doot doot doot...baby shark...doot doot doot...baby shark...

"Haven't had raw worship in awhile... "

Funny how God somehow orchestrates everything out.

I went to St. Agnus Church Sunday night for Crown Together Jesus. I had prayed earlier on over the entire service. Just for God to show up, and slap us around a bit and amazingly, He was faithful. I had an awesome time of worship that night. ahhh...it was music to my ears. I guess God listens... hehe
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June 22, 2002
Hong Kong

Today, we went to a park in Tai Wai. We arrived at the park around 12 or 1 and therefore, we busted out the PBJ. I've gotten used to this routine that Teen Mania does. Get to ministry site, eat PBJ, and then minister our guts out. Afterwards, we went to the area that we were to perform Ragman. My group decided to sit. As we sat, we just prayed for God to send someone to sit down on the bench that was to our right. First came a man and his daughter, but when Erica started to talk to his little girl, the man seemed irritated of her and left and dragged the daughter off. Then came an elderly man. He sat only after 30 seconds that the man had left so we knew God had heard our prayers. And so since I sat closest to the man, I striked up conversation with him. After awhile, Erica saw that I was running out of things to talk about and so, joined in voluntarily. How awesome she is. Anyway, we talked for what seemed like such a long time since this man loved to talk and seemed very lonely. We told him to stay longer so that he could see our drama.

Minutes before we were to start our drama, I was told to translate as well as introduce. When I got off the mic, I realized I made so many mistakes that I couldn't count them. But I took captive of my thoughts and Praised God because He is worthy to be praised. When it was time for Ragman, it started to rain. At the same time, the music hadn't come on like it was suppose to. I looked around and everyone on the team looked stressed and in despair. I heard Dugan starting to tell everyone to "pray hard, don't let the Devil get any leeway on us". We started to pray like crazy. Just hoping for God show his favor upon his children. As we prayed, Nate had eventually got the soundbox going. And then Ragman was on the way. It was awesome. Praise God for how it turned out. Majority of our audience had stayed, despite the rain and was able to see the drama. =) After all was done, I went over to the elderly man. I started to talk to him and started asking him what he had thought of the drama. He understood it. He had been exposed to Christianity before. Yet, he thought he was too old to believe. Right then, God put into my heart to share about my grandfather to this elderly man. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. He was a nonbeliever up until a few months before he died. I told this man, that though I didn't know my grandfather very well, I KNOW that I'll see him in heaven if I died right now. I also told him that talking to him was like talking to my grandfather. I don't know what he felt about what I said. All I know is that I shared with him all that I knew and all that God wanted me to share.

We had free time tonight so the night was ours and we could do anything that we wanted. Larissa, Dugan, Zack, Jill, and I decided to chill at the nearby park outside of the Bible college. I had told Larissa that I had a lot of negative anxiety in my heart about where the team was going. We shared about what went wrong in Tai Wai and each one of our concerns about ministry. We realized that our team didn't have a type of unity that needed to be there in order to witness effectively. As the discussion went on, we shared our testimonies of what God did in us. It was really awesome just to talk and fellowship with them and just witness such transparency among both brothers and sisters.
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I miss it so, the transparency. There's no walls or barriers. If something was stirring in our hearts to speak out, then we did...even I did! I guess that's what is so great about fellowship in the Spirit. The truth is all laid bare for everyone to see.

wow, it sure is late for Grace to be up. I haven't been tranparent on this blog have I? I'm trying the best to blog...but not. To convey my thought patterns, but at the same time, "edit" until my entry is "perfect", leaving the rawness out. Okay. So I'll be frank. Being in the state of idleness literally drives me insane. I hate being at a "plateau" of spiritual consciousness. I like talking about God and what He does in people's lives. I'm more interested in God and His enormity, though. I love magnifying His name to the point where I no longer exist. My state of human flesh is stripped away when I totally consume my thoughts with the sweet voice of God. I just realized it. It's like an epiphany. When worship is raw, I know God is stripping my heart of my pride, selfishness, lust, idolatry, and greed because I focus on Him and Him alone. I once heard that worship was defined as "acknowledging God". Haven't had raw worship in awhile...

Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and Know that I am God."

JUST SIT STILL. God speaks to us ever so gently. If we would shut out the things of the world, we might actually hear it audibly. Urg...blah...I'm at that point where I don't really care about much. The world has nothing to offer. God has soo much more blessings when we walk in obedience and righteousness.

I'm starting to play my guitar again. I love it. I love my guitar. It really releases a lot of tension built up inside of me. Finger-picking can be theraputic. *thumbs up*

Ministry. We're constantly in ministry. When we're talking to somebody or anybody, we demonstrate ourselves to them as a body of Christ, even when we don't even know it. The Spirit inside us just works His power through us in the midst of any circumstance as long as we allow Him to. I learned not to quench the Spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are so much more valuable to me than anything I can possibly imagine.

God.net by James Langteaux

beauty is born out of pain

When you enter into the realm of nostalgia, there seems to be no return.

I've been reminiscing a lot lately. Not just about "the trip", but also, my days in California. Just the other night my bestest friend in the whole wide world (or so i thought when i was in 6th grade) had imed me, out of no where. It was nice to catch up on her life. Since then, I've been looking through childhood yearbooks, old honorary awards (from grade school i must add, I was very proud of those), and pictures. I miss California so. I remember still that night that I had heard we were moving. I was drenched in tears and at the same time, had such a rebellious heart. I remember totally refusing to leave. Anyway, looking at the pictures makes me curious as to how my old pals look now. I wonder if they still remember me...

July 27, 2002 a family friend of ours back in California got married. I don't know what his english name is. I just know what his parents nick-named him. heh. Anyway, I saw a picture of his (now) wife and him. They look wonderful together. My brother was able to attend the ceremony. He got the chance to talk to him and a bunch of my dad's friends and kids that are now in college. I remember there was this one guy. His name was Eddie. Me and Mike would go over to his house and play. He was a scrawny, lanky guy. My brother says he's all grown up and looking all handsome and stuff. sigh. I wonder where is he going to college...

On the last day in China, we had the priviledge of being able to cruise around ::city:: and have dinner at the same time. One of the girls of the team came up to me and said, "I never got the chance to tell you this, but I think you are beautiful." wow. My family and close friends always have said I was cute and stuff, but I always thought they said that to build up my "self-esteem". In my mind, I still thought I was ugly and hideous. But when a complete stranger that doesn't even know you says you're beautiful, I can't help but blush, my rosiecheeks show =)

I finally know what it means to be confident in Christ when it comes to my appearance. I no longer have to be caught in the world wondering if I should wear make-up or dress a certain way or have my hair a certain style or anything to alter the way I look, for the way, I'm comfortable, defines who I am, that's what makes me beautiful in the eyes of my Father. He loves me, for me. I don't need to care what man thinks of me because at the end of the day, God is who matters most to me.