I'll be truthful with you. I'll be frank. I'm scared to death. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of possibly not being accepted into college. What will happen? Will i have to stay at home like a bum? I have been delaying to send my apps in because I'm hoping that it will look better once I get a job or once i get into NHS. Okay, I'm a sellout. I have to follow the system. I NEED to follow the system of society. If not, my parents will kill me. I'll become a loser. With no identity. I fear that I won't have an identity within society. No not fame or acceptance. No, i want identity. I want to be recognized as Grace, the girl with a lot of potential. Grace, the girl who's going to succeed in life, not necessarily money. Grace, a great woman of God. Grace, the head of the ministry at so and so. I need an identity with God. I need to know where to go for college. It's like asking a boy out. Will he say yes or will he say no? Either way, you anticipate his answer and you daydream about the way that he accepts you. Just like college. I desire to know that i'm accepted before i even send in my applications. My gosh my gosh. So much so much that I can't handle it. WIthin it all, my sanity comes from music and God. All the while that i've been applying, I've always turned to God for comfort because he's the only one that can give it. I suck. i'm such a dirtbag without my God. So give me peace Jesus, give me rest within your arms. Oh great light of the world, shine your truth in me. Let your faith impart in my being. Please God hear my cry. I need you soo much. I need you beyond what words could possibly say. Oh God, God I'm your child. Let me know what you want of me. Let me sacrifice my being for your truth, your way, and your light.

And she sleeps....