For some odd reason...I'm feeling tremendously vulnerable right now. Perhaps, I'm sick and need to lie down. Or that a huge current of emotion has been eagerly stretched forth within my body. I don't know. I'm just certain that I wish I had someone to share my most fondest memories. Those memories that last forever. They may not be the most pleasant, perhaps even, an excruciating event of trauma and indignity. I just wish I had someone to share with. I've been praying for one since I understood the meaning of acceptance and honesty. It hurts to know that I may be alone for a loong haul.

It doesn't even have to be a guy! I want that feeling of communion again, you know? I got an email from a guy I used to have a crush on. And it tore my heart to pieces, knowing that I may never see him, ever again. I may even be bold to say that I loved him for caring for me as a friend. It hurts. And as for girlfriends, I can't latch onto them even though I try so hard. Sometimes? It is hard for me to just push away my feelings and focus on their problems. I can be quite selfish at times. Is that normal? I'm being so general in my words to you. But I can't really explain it. It's just difficult to describe what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish that I could just write words that is at least somewhat coherent. But it ends up being a jumble of mess...stream of consciousness...that's what this is...i suppose.

Perhaps, all this ambiguity is due to the fact that I want to be Snow White, or Sleepy Beauty, or Cinderella, or any princess who had their feet swept away by some prince charming. I live inside this bubble of imagination. I breathe the idea of some kind of divine and magical wonder that I wish would happen to my life. I'm not talking, necessarily about the guy of my dreams (which is a plus), but for everything to just seem right, AT LEAST, some evidence of justification of why I exist. uggh...so i'm left drowning in my tears one more time.

"Dream, love is only in a dream, remember -
Remember life is never as it seems. Dream"

Yes, yes, yes, YES! I am a girl. I watch silly chick flicks as do many other girly girls. I find myself crying at another one. I don't get it. Why do I cry at these mere humans portraying some made-up character?! It's ridiculous! It's ludicrous! But... It's me. The lyrics above are of Harry Nilsson to the song, "Remember", which is included to the soundtrack of "You've Got Mail". For some odd reason, yet agaaain...I find myself crying, with tears, moans, the whole shabang...not knowing why...*sigh*

please help this deranged girl into finding earth once again.