I feel stagnant.

Geez, I really feel lethargic and useless.

If I don't ask for it, it's not going to happen.

I really want God to break me down. I want to break down. I want my pride to crash into an oblivion. I want patience and humility to shower down on me. I want to serve and not be served. I wish to be the best sheep the Shepard has ever set his eyes on.

My relationship with God is complex. I have these conflicting ideas of who I'm suppose to be in Christ. I wrestle with this idea that an ultimate creator desires to spend time with me and for me to want to spend time with Him, is hard. Day to day, I wish to honor God. I wish to please him. I often see myself falling just short of glorifying Him. How do you get closer to God? How do you draw ever near to him to hear his heart beat? When do you feel his arms wrapped closely around you?

My life has been great. I've been keeping myself productive. I got a job. I had summer school for the first time. I'm meeting up with good friends every week. My family and I are on great terms. But in the midst of all this, I feel lost. It's true. Whenever our lives seem to be going great, we fail to acknowledge God. Isn't he the one who gave us such blessings?

Nearly a week left before I go back. I have a list of prayer requests:
- fresh faith: to live an active, spiritual life
- dynamic fellowship: brotherhood of believers
- extreme intimacy: draw ever closer to my sisters/brothers and to God
- driven/ambitious leadership: lead under the authority of God

Thank you, Jesus. This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!