I guess my dad isn't ready to forgive me yet. I looked into his eyes for a split second. He turned away, uncomfortable by my seeing him. Whenever he's mad at me, he would always say, "get away from me, I don't want to see your face". I remember that day when I knew my earthly father can do no harm to me anymore for my Heavenly Father has his arms "wrapped around me". I'm learning not to fear my dad. He's mortal and human and a sinner. In fact, I don't hate him or despise him anymore. I love him. He can yell at me all he wants. He can demand me to clean the house, wash the dishes, do the laundry, vacuum the floor all he wants... for all things, I do it as if I were doing it unto the Lord.
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June 14, 2002
Garden Valley, TX

During breakfast today (cereal), a boy sat down beside me. Part of me wanted to ask him for his name and strike up a conversation with him. Part of me wanted to get away as soon as possible. But I stayed, and ironically, he asked me, "What is your name?" and so i replied. It had turned out he was on the same team I was on. He was going to China as well! We talked for awhile. I knew it was inevitable that the color of my skin and hair and the shape of my eyes would be a standard of the question, "Do you speak Chinese?" So after a few questions about where I lived, my family and what not, he asks me the inevitable question. I gave him the inevitable answer, yes. I thought I would just blend in. I thought I could possibly be in the background. But it turns out, for the first time in my life, I stand out. I stand out because I'm the only asian girl. I stand out because "one thing here does not look like the other". Oh how I wish I were white for just a month.

His name is Don, if you were wondering. I was really fearful. I had no intentions of getting close with guys at all. I did not want to find myself in the situation that I was in a few weeks ago. I wanted nothing to do with guys, but God sent me to go on a mission trip which happens to include girls as well as boys. I hesitated when I talked to Don. He was a nice guy and all. I just kind of keep myself guarded from boys as much as possible.
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I wonder if the way i see guys has changed now after the trip...