December 02, 2004

When I think about it, I've become listless. I've been so caught up in what's going on, what I need to do that I’ve grown calloused and numb to God. I know that I need to change but I don’t know how. I’m thinking it’s the environment I am in, the people I associate with and my flesh. I’m constantly struggling to breathe. It feels like I’m drowning in quicksand grasping for air as I frantically try to escape from the endless downward spiral of the insidious sand. God, I don’t know what I’ve done to go through this kind of hell. Please show me. Give me wisdom to discern. I don’t want to be stagnant in my faith. I want you to be on my lips all my days. I want to live for God and for God alone. I don’t live for anyone else. Not another person. Not even for myself. I’m lonely, God. I need you now more than ever. I miss you so much. Consecrate my body for You and You alone. If you are willing. As you will it God. Maybe I’m meant to be with you right now in heaven. Please take me out of this wretched body. I wish to meet with you, Oh God.