Parentheses.

beginning of last semester, my life seem to turn towards the greater mark of a parenthesis.

but it has become void of meaning.

it is worse than i expected.

life is boring.

I think, then, at this point, i begin to psychoanalyze why i feel this way. it's because i don't hear from God anymore. it's because i'm depressed. it's because i don't have any friends. it's because i'm not in school. it's because my relationship with my parents are on the rocks. it's because my relationships, in general, are on the rocks. it's because i don't hear from God anymore...

Now why? why, grace? I thought you were semi-spiritual. I mean you talk about God. You praise God in your blogs. You go to church. You lead bible study. You own a bible. You pray, don't you?

...don't you?

I was driving one day. And i began to pray. I prayed for a miracle. It didn't happen. I prayed for salvation in the life of one of my friends. I don't know if that happened, no evidence to verify. Then i realized. I've become my own worst nightmare, i've turned into one of those people who turn to God because i want something. My prayers have grown self-absorbed, conceited, and prideful. How can that be? I only turn to God because i want him to do something for my benefit. Whether it's to make me look better or to help my situations.

i want to be selfless.

i want the content of my parentheses to have meaning.

but how? please help.