Monday, March 24, 2003
Yeah, I didn't get into UT.
It's so strange. People around me have gotten their acceptance letters with great joy. And I wanted in on that relief. But I didn't get it. That whole rejection thing is not good for my soul. I didn't think it would happen to me. Perhaps in my mind, I had jinxed it by thinking that they wouldn't reject me, I'm Grace, sure I'm not smart, but I'm capable. But, no no. I need to be more realistic. I'm not worth that scholarship. I'm not worth it. I'm worthless to any alma mater.
My mind is cluttered with all these ideas that maybe I'm not even that smart to begin with. I start thinking, maybe college is not the way to go. I start to think maybe I should just find the next man I meet and marry him and live life as a housewife, without the burdens of education. Oh God, what am I thinking? I wish I could call them and tell them that their rejection of me has caused me mental instability so in order to relieve the tension on my brain they should just let me in anyway.
Darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it.
I WANT TO SCREAM.
It's so strange. People around me have gotten their acceptance letters with great joy. And I wanted in on that relief. But I didn't get it. That whole rejection thing is not good for my soul. I didn't think it would happen to me. Perhaps in my mind, I had jinxed it by thinking that they wouldn't reject me, I'm Grace, sure I'm not smart, but I'm capable. But, no no. I need to be more realistic. I'm not worth that scholarship. I'm not worth it. I'm worthless to any alma mater.
My mind is cluttered with all these ideas that maybe I'm not even that smart to begin with. I start thinking, maybe college is not the way to go. I start to think maybe I should just find the next man I meet and marry him and live life as a housewife, without the burdens of education. Oh God, what am I thinking? I wish I could call them and tell them that their rejection of me has caused me mental instability so in order to relieve the tension on my brain they should just let me in anyway.
Darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it. darn it.
I WANT TO SCREAM.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
i went to Ar-kansas over the weekend.
It was...interesting. The high point of the entire trip was horseback riding. I went twice. So, now my legs feel like noodles and it hurts when i walk. I even look like those cowboys who walk with their feet apart as if they're still riding the horse. Oh! and i made pooh dance. =)
It was...interesting. The high point of the entire trip was horseback riding. I went twice. So, now my legs feel like noodles and it hurts when i walk. I even look like those cowboys who walk with their feet apart as if they're still riding the horse. Oh! and i made pooh dance. =)
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
hello world,
i seem to be doing this blog on a weekly basis. That's odd. Cause I have a lot of free time. I would think that I'd be blogging away like no other. But I'm not. Blogging is not a priority of mine. I want to say that I have better things to do. But i really don't. I just kinda drift off on my bed. Speaking of which, I've been sleeping way too much. I usually go to sleep around 11 or 12 at night, wake up at 6, come home at 2, bum around until 4, take a 4 hour nap, wake up at 8, eat dinner and hw for 3 or 4 hours and then go to sleep at 11 or 12. so that's approximately 13 hours that I'm awake each cycle and approximately 11 hours I'm asleep. wow. im asleep for almost half a day. You know, too much sleep is a sign of depression.
I have social anxiety disorder you guys. I get nervous just talking to people and I panic when having to speak to people, even in casual conversation. I'd rather chat on AIM just to avoid them having to see me or hear my voice. I wonder why this is. Oye, not definitely...def- definitely no-not a goo-good thi-ing.
Send me my rejection letter already!!
I like to sing. I like to dance. I like to write. I like to read. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to write. I want to read.
It's sure is hot in herre. It's gettin hot in herre. I am gettin so hott. I'mma take my clothes offf.
Evanescence has become so mainstreem that I dislike it. I liked the idea that I was the only one who knew about them.
i seem to be doing this blog on a weekly basis. That's odd. Cause I have a lot of free time. I would think that I'd be blogging away like no other. But I'm not. Blogging is not a priority of mine. I want to say that I have better things to do. But i really don't. I just kinda drift off on my bed. Speaking of which, I've been sleeping way too much. I usually go to sleep around 11 or 12 at night, wake up at 6, come home at 2, bum around until 4, take a 4 hour nap, wake up at 8, eat dinner and hw for 3 or 4 hours and then go to sleep at 11 or 12. so that's approximately 13 hours that I'm awake each cycle and approximately 11 hours I'm asleep. wow. im asleep for almost half a day. You know, too much sleep is a sign of depression.
I have social anxiety disorder you guys. I get nervous just talking to people and I panic when having to speak to people, even in casual conversation. I'd rather chat on AIM just to avoid them having to see me or hear my voice. I wonder why this is. Oye, not definitely...def- definitely no-not a goo-good thi-ing.
Send me my rejection letter already!!
I like to sing. I like to dance. I like to write. I like to read. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to write. I want to read.
It's sure is hot in herre. It's gettin hot in herre. I am gettin so hott. I'mma take my clothes offf.
Evanescence has become so mainstreem that I dislike it. I liked the idea that I was the only one who knew about them.
Monday, March 03, 2003
Last Wednesday, my English teacher wanted the entire class to discuss the commonly used allusions in poems. She handed us a handout that had a list of allusions from the Bible and of Greek mythology. Well, i glanced at it. I thought, "yeah, I guess i know some of the old testament. But mainly more of the Gospels." So I didn't really bother with it. I just spaced out for quite awhile. Until Divya asked me if i wanted to discuss some of it together. I was like, ok.
She asked me about each and every single one of the old testament. I started to tell her about Cain and Abel, Noah and the flood, Abraham and Sarah, Abraham and Isaac, Moses and Egypt....and the list goes on. Basically, I told her as much of the Old testament as I could. I was really surprised that I knew so much. At the same time, I realized I'm not capable of teaching about the Bible. I'm not good at explaining things very well. I start to mumble and stutter. I know the stuff. Just can't verbally translate it. Once and awhile I would look around the class to see if anyone was doing the same: explaining the Bible. Alicia had a group listening to her and so did Annie. It was kinda cool. They both looked so excited about sharing God. For the most part, I was excited. Cause while i was talking to her, I thought "this is a great way to witness to someone, telling them about God through the Bible" and I got all happy. But then I was afraid I would butcher the details if I wasn't cool and aloof about it. *shrugs* I hope I got to her in some way.
I also had a hard time explaining to Divya how I knew so much about it and trying not to use "spiritual terms" or "Christianese". As well as the fact that I had to go into a lot of detail because she doesn't know anything about the Bible. =/ it was fun, nonetheless.
She asked me about each and every single one of the old testament. I started to tell her about Cain and Abel, Noah and the flood, Abraham and Sarah, Abraham and Isaac, Moses and Egypt....and the list goes on. Basically, I told her as much of the Old testament as I could. I was really surprised that I knew so much. At the same time, I realized I'm not capable of teaching about the Bible. I'm not good at explaining things very well. I start to mumble and stutter. I know the stuff. Just can't verbally translate it. Once and awhile I would look around the class to see if anyone was doing the same: explaining the Bible. Alicia had a group listening to her and so did Annie. It was kinda cool. They both looked so excited about sharing God. For the most part, I was excited. Cause while i was talking to her, I thought "this is a great way to witness to someone, telling them about God through the Bible" and I got all happy. But then I was afraid I would butcher the details if I wasn't cool and aloof about it. *shrugs* I hope I got to her in some way.
I also had a hard time explaining to Divya how I knew so much about it and trying not to use "spiritual terms" or "Christianese". As well as the fact that I had to go into a lot of detail because she doesn't know anything about the Bible. =/ it was fun, nonetheless.
Saturday, March 01, 2003
Close your eyes for just one moment. Imagine all of life became clear in a split second. You knew what you wanted from living on earth. You realized that all you needed was love. That the greatest thing that you can do is love. What then? What happens after? Is that it? An epiphany of some sort...and then nothing? I go about it the wrong way. I go about it in terms of having one person to love. Why not love the world in its entirety?
Oye, i find myself caring for others more than for my own welfare. Once I begin to consume myself with others' problems, I forget my own insecurities, my own deals with the world. But how can I do so successfully, without getting stabbed and shot at, without being wounded with the poisonous arrows. He never said it was easy...he never really did...
Everyone has a story. Just let them sing it out.
Oye, i find myself caring for others more than for my own welfare. Once I begin to consume myself with others' problems, I forget my own insecurities, my own deals with the world. But how can I do so successfully, without getting stabbed and shot at, without being wounded with the poisonous arrows. He never said it was easy...he never really did...
Everyone has a story. Just let them sing it out.
Friday, February 21, 2003
Friday, February 14, 2003
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Yay! I had a good day today. =) It makes me happy to see everybody so happy. hehe. My Accounting teacher, Ms. Metke, got a singing Valentine, which was fun. The girls sang the original version of "Your Song" by Elton John. Very neat. They've got beaauutiful voices. "L-O-V-E" was awesome too, very cute. I just wish I could have heard Justine and Annie sing. I heard they have some awesome voices. Oh, well, my happiness will fade away after dinner tonight so I'm enjoying every moment of having so much people love me. hehe. not really. It's just the spirit of Valentine's Day... Love is all around. WooHoo!
Yay! I had a good day today. =) It makes me happy to see everybody so happy. hehe. My Accounting teacher, Ms. Metke, got a singing Valentine, which was fun. The girls sang the original version of "Your Song" by Elton John. Very neat. They've got beaauutiful voices. "L-O-V-E" was awesome too, very cute. I just wish I could have heard Justine and Annie sing. I heard they have some awesome voices. Oh, well, my happiness will fade away after dinner tonight so I'm enjoying every moment of having so much people love me. hehe. not really. It's just the spirit of Valentine's Day... Love is all around. WooHoo!
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
everybody's getting sick. phooey. I think that's how the terrorists are attacking us. They spread the common cold disease so it would seem unthreatening because it is so common. And they'll swipe us out when we don't even know it...
not much logic to it, but hey it works for me.
I found out that a great deal of the "smart" people at my school are going to UT. They've already gotten their acceptance letters. They're guaranteed a spot for dorms. I, on the other hand, still need to wait. And it may as well be a rejection letter because...well...just because. sigh.
I'm not going to prom. I've already been rejected and stood up once. I'm scarred for life. haha. So, I'm not gonna go through it again.
I'm excited about friday. yay!
not much logic to it, but hey it works for me.
I found out that a great deal of the "smart" people at my school are going to UT. They've already gotten their acceptance letters. They're guaranteed a spot for dorms. I, on the other hand, still need to wait. And it may as well be a rejection letter because...well...just because. sigh.
I'm not going to prom. I've already been rejected and stood up once. I'm scarred for life. haha. So, I'm not gonna go through it again.
I'm excited about friday. yay!
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Teen Mania Daily Devotion: Perfection (Knowing God Completely) February 2, 2003
"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." Philippians 3:12 NLT
Allow me to give you a quick, comprehensive reality check - you are not perfect...nor am I...nor is anyone! So, where does the idea of perfection come from anyways? Who says that we are to be perfect and what does it prove if we exemplify the meaning of the word, which means "faultlessness"? Striving for the kind of perfection that pleases yourself or others is not a requirement by God, it is an unattainable human idea. God knows that we were birthed from imperfectness and we must realize that the only "faultless" individual who walked this earth was Jesus and who can you compare him to?
Teachers have seen students have a nervous breakdown when they didn't receive an "A" on a paper; coaches have witnessed their players mentally beat themselves up if they lost a game and Pastors have counseled teens who feel ashamed for falling into sin. These examples show young adults who are desperately trying to aim for perfection. Their expectation level becomes so high that when they achieve any accomplishment, it never feels good because they think they could have done better. To them, it doesn't matter how many of their peers look to them with admiration because of their talent or how much their parents express how proud they are. There is a mental block that tells them that they are nothing unless everything they do in life is perfect. Am I speaking to you?
Let me speak even louder. There is no such thing as " perfection" . God only requires that you strive to reach its meaning in the way that brings glory to Him. He wants that you strive to live a life worthy of the calling He has given you and that you esteem His name in all that you do and say. He desires that you build your life around the structure of His word and live out the commandments that will bless YOU. God only wants to increase you; He never wants to take away from the endowments that you have been given.
There is a drive in you that wants to do things perfect. You want to dress perfect, sing perfect, play a sport perfect, be a perfect friend; however, with as much energy as you put into these miscellaneous things, are you putting as much effort into knowing God "perfectly"? Another definition of this word means "completely" and this is the only kind of "perfection" that God wants to instill in you...the idea of completely knowing Him. He wishes that you be the one testifying of His goodness and grace; He wishes that you be the one spreading His word; that your tongue speak of His unconditional love. Do not be a bystander; proclaim what God has done for you with zeal. "O LORD, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them." Isaiah 25:1 NLT
When you begin to know God intimately it will show. Others may ridicule your freedom of expression with the Lord. However, see it as their way of crying out for what they feel they cannot attain. But because you possess it, it becomes your job to guide them towards owning it. This is the kind of "perfection" that you want. It is healthy and will build you up; you will feel good about yourself and walk in the air of confidence.
While Jesus was on this earth, notice that the only thing he desired to do perfectly was to perform His fathers work "completely"; this too is what we should long after. God understands that we are going to fall short; He knows that this world has temptations and that, as humans, we are enticed to hold hands with sin. However, He expects more from us than just mediocre ways. If we are crying out unto God to fill our cup a little more each day, we cannot caress sin while at the same time pray for the Lord to expose more of His glory.
Now understanding that God wants us to know Him "perfectly"..."completely." We need to take a hold of what it means to persevere, then we will encounter the true meaning of what it means to be a Christian. As long as we are aiming for the bulls-eye, we will get better at hitting our mark!
"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." Philippians 3:12 NLT
Allow me to give you a quick, comprehensive reality check - you are not perfect...nor am I...nor is anyone! So, where does the idea of perfection come from anyways? Who says that we are to be perfect and what does it prove if we exemplify the meaning of the word, which means "faultlessness"? Striving for the kind of perfection that pleases yourself or others is not a requirement by God, it is an unattainable human idea. God knows that we were birthed from imperfectness and we must realize that the only "faultless" individual who walked this earth was Jesus and who can you compare him to?
Teachers have seen students have a nervous breakdown when they didn't receive an "A" on a paper; coaches have witnessed their players mentally beat themselves up if they lost a game and Pastors have counseled teens who feel ashamed for falling into sin. These examples show young adults who are desperately trying to aim for perfection. Their expectation level becomes so high that when they achieve any accomplishment, it never feels good because they think they could have done better. To them, it doesn't matter how many of their peers look to them with admiration because of their talent or how much their parents express how proud they are. There is a mental block that tells them that they are nothing unless everything they do in life is perfect. Am I speaking to you?
Let me speak even louder. There is no such thing as " perfection" . God only requires that you strive to reach its meaning in the way that brings glory to Him. He wants that you strive to live a life worthy of the calling He has given you and that you esteem His name in all that you do and say. He desires that you build your life around the structure of His word and live out the commandments that will bless YOU. God only wants to increase you; He never wants to take away from the endowments that you have been given.
There is a drive in you that wants to do things perfect. You want to dress perfect, sing perfect, play a sport perfect, be a perfect friend; however, with as much energy as you put into these miscellaneous things, are you putting as much effort into knowing God "perfectly"? Another definition of this word means "completely" and this is the only kind of "perfection" that God wants to instill in you...the idea of completely knowing Him. He wishes that you be the one testifying of His goodness and grace; He wishes that you be the one spreading His word; that your tongue speak of His unconditional love. Do not be a bystander; proclaim what God has done for you with zeal. "O LORD, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them." Isaiah 25:1 NLT
When you begin to know God intimately it will show. Others may ridicule your freedom of expression with the Lord. However, see it as their way of crying out for what they feel they cannot attain. But because you possess it, it becomes your job to guide them towards owning it. This is the kind of "perfection" that you want. It is healthy and will build you up; you will feel good about yourself and walk in the air of confidence.
While Jesus was on this earth, notice that the only thing he desired to do perfectly was to perform His fathers work "completely"; this too is what we should long after. God understands that we are going to fall short; He knows that this world has temptations and that, as humans, we are enticed to hold hands with sin. However, He expects more from us than just mediocre ways. If we are crying out unto God to fill our cup a little more each day, we cannot caress sin while at the same time pray for the Lord to expose more of His glory.
Now understanding that God wants us to know Him "perfectly"..."completely." We need to take a hold of what it means to persevere, then we will encounter the true meaning of what it means to be a Christian. As long as we are aiming for the bulls-eye, we will get better at hitting our mark!
Saturday, February 01, 2003
For the first time in my life, I've finally understood what true forgiveness is about, on both ends. Often times, I would ask for forgiveness with all my heart to a brother or sister. And yet, the usual reaction is a reflex as not to cause conflict or pain, usually saying, "oh its okay" I don't want that anymore. If deep down in your heart, YOU got problems with me. JUST FRICKIN let me know. I can't stand it when people just push things aside trying to avoid the problem. So i always have to double check by saying, "Are you sure? Are you positive? Avoiding the idea of being vulnerable to someone that could possibly hold you accountable. Anyway, I digress. I felt disappointed over the last week, with family, friends, work, school, and life in general. I don't handle my emotions well enough to understand fully the cause of a certain intense feeling. Feelings are flaky. Yes. But I want to keep them in check. So forgiveness is a great factor in the healing process.
I was bummed out about not going to Acquire the Fire. I heard raves over and over how it was awesome. The fire of the Holy Spirit was evident in the arena. I regretted passing up a chance to fellowship with other brothers and sisters my age, who enjoy God. Imagine going to a concert of your favoritest band. You've got posters of them all over your room, you've got all their cds, and will tape any performance shown on tv. That's me. Just not so idolizing.... soo not idolizing Teen Mania, just God. Anyway, I digress yet again.
So Alicia had asked me to go. I was like, uhhh (kinda apprehensive about it) and the topic was dropped. After a few days, I was like yeah, deep down I do. I was just afraid of going with her church because they already have a pretty tight knit group. I didn't want to just join in like I could blend in because i can't, some have the gift of doing that, i don't. So I emailed her, cause I didn't know her number or anything. I just knew her email. Next day, no reply. The day after, none. They day after that, nope. I was like, "uhh" I guess people don't check their email or they just dont like me. So I got pooped. I got shut down.
Tuesday of this week, the tuesday after the weekend of Acquire the Fire, she told me that she got my email monday night. She kept apologizing. I was like no no, don't apologize. She was like "i feel terrible, grace. It would have been great having you there. You have to accept my apology and I must make it up to you, or else. I'm really sorry." And for the first time, i felt sincerity in someone's apology. Sincerity. I'm not saying that people haven't been sincere. But I felt this one so strong. Like my Spirit yielded with gentleness i've never known before. Any sort of resentment or bitterness was lifted.
Forgiveness is a two way deal.
I was bummed out about not going to Acquire the Fire. I heard raves over and over how it was awesome. The fire of the Holy Spirit was evident in the arena. I regretted passing up a chance to fellowship with other brothers and sisters my age, who enjoy God. Imagine going to a concert of your favoritest band. You've got posters of them all over your room, you've got all their cds, and will tape any performance shown on tv. That's me. Just not so idolizing.... soo not idolizing Teen Mania, just God. Anyway, I digress yet again.
So Alicia had asked me to go. I was like, uhhh (kinda apprehensive about it) and the topic was dropped. After a few days, I was like yeah, deep down I do. I was just afraid of going with her church because they already have a pretty tight knit group. I didn't want to just join in like I could blend in because i can't, some have the gift of doing that, i don't. So I emailed her, cause I didn't know her number or anything. I just knew her email. Next day, no reply. The day after, none. They day after that, nope. I was like, "uhh" I guess people don't check their email or they just dont like me. So I got pooped. I got shut down.
Tuesday of this week, the tuesday after the weekend of Acquire the Fire, she told me that she got my email monday night. She kept apologizing. I was like no no, don't apologize. She was like "i feel terrible, grace. It would have been great having you there. You have to accept my apology and I must make it up to you, or else. I'm really sorry." And for the first time, i felt sincerity in someone's apology. Sincerity. I'm not saying that people haven't been sincere. But I felt this one so strong. Like my Spirit yielded with gentleness i've never known before. Any sort of resentment or bitterness was lifted.
Forgiveness is a two way deal.
Thursday, January 30, 2003
aiyah, I'm having an identity crisis again. Should I try to fit in? But then that means I'm going to go against all that I stand for. Should I go with the flow of the world? But then I start acting like the world...DaHh!
Why do people change behavior when around certain people? Why does everybody have dual personalities? It really troubles me that the relationships that I have, they aren't being honest with themselves and therefore, cause me to have a false impression of them. It makes me sad. I am this way, too, in some degree. I can be quite talkative when talking about issues of the heart. But then other times, I'm just indifferent to trivial problems. I dunno...
But doesn't the entire world consist of trivial pursuits of power, of fame, of wealth, or of whatever that appeases the apetite of the soul.
Oh man, I want to go back to the basics of life. To live as if Christ were here, right now. Living without regret or sorrow or pain or cynism or depression or malice or deceit or anything of the sort. I'm tired of living lies of people. I'm tired of being who I don't want to be. I don't want to live life as a commoner. I belong to the King of Kings. I don't need to petty myself with useless matters.Just enjoy God. Just listen to Him. Who cares who's listening, Grace. Who cares if they're watching your every move. I got yo back. There's no need to care. Give your burdens to me. I'll help you along this dusty road.
"Worshipping God is fun"
"I know, right?"
"When my friends ask me what I want to do, deep down in my heart, I feel a tug on my soul to just praise God with all my heart. But when I say, 'Let's worship God!! Yay!' They're like 'uhh, you psycho religious freak' and then I feel bad"
"oh don't, seriously, nothing gets better than acknowledging God for who He is cause 'He's worthy to be praised' so there aint nothing wrong with that, girl"
"But people already think I'm a freak. Shouldn't I try to make myself look at least somewhat approachable?"
"Well, you can't change the past. All you can do is set your priorities straight, what matters most to you. In the Bible, it says to die is to gain, to live is to Christ. Grace, when we die, man, that's when the party becomes crazy. Worshipping God, getting drunk with the power of the Holy Spirit. Heck, if I could, I would want to die right this minute. But I'm not dead and neither are you, possibly intellectually or physically dead, but spiritually, your Spirit lives on. There's a certain purpose that God has in store for you. Until you've achieved it, don't sacrifice the greatest opportunity of your eternal life, to make a difference."
"That's what I've heard so many times. It just doesn't click."
"Well, make it click. Remember, you're on the winning side. There aint no losers that belong to God."
Why do people change behavior when around certain people? Why does everybody have dual personalities? It really troubles me that the relationships that I have, they aren't being honest with themselves and therefore, cause me to have a false impression of them. It makes me sad. I am this way, too, in some degree. I can be quite talkative when talking about issues of the heart. But then other times, I'm just indifferent to trivial problems. I dunno...
But doesn't the entire world consist of trivial pursuits of power, of fame, of wealth, or of whatever that appeases the apetite of the soul.
Oh man, I want to go back to the basics of life. To live as if Christ were here, right now. Living without regret or sorrow or pain or cynism or depression or malice or deceit or anything of the sort. I'm tired of living lies of people. I'm tired of being who I don't want to be. I don't want to live life as a commoner. I belong to the King of Kings. I don't need to petty myself with useless matters.Just enjoy God. Just listen to Him. Who cares who's listening, Grace. Who cares if they're watching your every move. I got yo back. There's no need to care. Give your burdens to me. I'll help you along this dusty road.
"Worshipping God is fun"
"I know, right?"
"When my friends ask me what I want to do, deep down in my heart, I feel a tug on my soul to just praise God with all my heart. But when I say, 'Let's worship God!! Yay!' They're like 'uhh, you psycho religious freak' and then I feel bad"
"oh don't, seriously, nothing gets better than acknowledging God for who He is cause 'He's worthy to be praised' so there aint nothing wrong with that, girl"
"But people already think I'm a freak. Shouldn't I try to make myself look at least somewhat approachable?"
"Well, you can't change the past. All you can do is set your priorities straight, what matters most to you. In the Bible, it says to die is to gain, to live is to Christ. Grace, when we die, man, that's when the party becomes crazy. Worshipping God, getting drunk with the power of the Holy Spirit. Heck, if I could, I would want to die right this minute. But I'm not dead and neither are you, possibly intellectually or physically dead, but spiritually, your Spirit lives on. There's a certain purpose that God has in store for you. Until you've achieved it, don't sacrifice the greatest opportunity of your eternal life, to make a difference."
"That's what I've heard so many times. It just doesn't click."
"Well, make it click. Remember, you're on the winning side. There aint no losers that belong to God."
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
so yeah, I have worn glasses for practically all my life. So i have a habitual habit of putting on my glasses. And i miss that. haha.
After I came home from school, I decided to wash my face. Afterwards, when i put on my glasses, everything is blurry! I don't understand!! Then, I realized it. I don't need my glasses because I have my contacts on!! =)
Christ for the Nations. I'm interested in going to the institute now. *pondering* Should I go to Christ for the Nations? If I even consider it, will my parents reject my suggestion? hmm...
*shrugs*
I'm having fun, you guys. For the first time in years, I'm enjoying school for what it is worth. I guess i feel like i've taken advantage of school for the last three years.
hehe. HECK NAW. I'm ecstatic, yo. It's more along the lines of thinking I'm never gonna be in high school EVER so I'm having fun. =) YA-HOOOOOO.
After I came home from school, I decided to wash my face. Afterwards, when i put on my glasses, everything is blurry! I don't understand!! Then, I realized it. I don't need my glasses because I have my contacts on!! =)
Christ for the Nations. I'm interested in going to the institute now. *pondering* Should I go to Christ for the Nations? If I even consider it, will my parents reject my suggestion? hmm...
*shrugs*
I'm having fun, you guys. For the first time in years, I'm enjoying school for what it is worth. I guess i feel like i've taken advantage of school for the last three years.
hehe. HECK NAW. I'm ecstatic, yo. It's more along the lines of thinking I'm never gonna be in high school EVER so I'm having fun. =) YA-HOOOOOO.
Monday, January 27, 2003
man oh man, my room is so clean. The last time I saw it this clean was....well, never. I'm amazed at how clean my room is.
*looks around*
My eyes are tired. I got my contact lens today. Woot Woot. so yeah, but i don't know which one is right and which is left, and Vision Source is already closed. So yeah, I'll call them tomorrow.... it looks like I won't be wearing them until wednesday. Today, a friend had catched me without my glasses. She said I looked cute without them. =)
You know, lately, I've been feeling the need to hang out with friends and keep myself occupied with my social life. My meter on my social satisfaction has been pretty low. hehe. Reminds me of Sims. So yeah, feeling restless. doot doot.
"what we do dictates who we are"
*looks around*
My eyes are tired. I got my contact lens today. Woot Woot. so yeah, but i don't know which one is right and which is left, and Vision Source is already closed. So yeah, I'll call them tomorrow.... it looks like I won't be wearing them until wednesday. Today, a friend had catched me without my glasses. She said I looked cute without them. =)
You know, lately, I've been feeling the need to hang out with friends and keep myself occupied with my social life. My meter on my social satisfaction has been pretty low. hehe. Reminds me of Sims. So yeah, feeling restless. doot doot.
"what we do dictates who we are"
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