potter's hand

I've probably made mistakes that I've forgotten
It's all ambiguous now
I'd be willing to take the shape of what you wanted
I could just figure it out

I'm breaking my own rules
Becoming somone else
Well everybody says I oughtta get over myself
I'm thinking I can't move
If there isn't somewhere else
...To go

Things are changing. yeah, i agree. The air is different. No argument there. Time to move on? yes.

i've been feeling many mixed feelings lately. I've been feeling anxious. I've been feeling lethargic. I've been experiencing a little bit of eustress and then some distress. I don't know whether to acknowledge my accomplishments or become more lowly and humble. Maybe studying Philippians is God's way of telling me to serve Him, joyously. Because my successes and my failures are all part of God's plan of molding and shaping. I remember in 7th grade, i was in art. And the best part of going to class was knowing that I would be working on my creation for that day. Whether it was taking a photograph of something seemingly beautiful or eye-catching, or it was adapting a story behind a clay pot, or it was drawing self-portrait with many imperfections, i knew it was my own. Something that i can take home and tell my parents, "hey mom! i made this from scratch!"

And she would nod and say "that's nice." I would be somewhat disappointed in her response.

But deep inside, I felt a tremendous amount of accomplishment. I felt the sensation of knowing that i created something beautiful and unique. It was quite exhilarating.

In the end, that's how God sees us. The process took a long time, with its share of mistakes and failures. However, ultimately, the maker will see her creation as something beautiful and complete and something to be taken ahold of.