Greetings fellow man,

I'm in desperate need to fit in. I never really belong into a certain group. I didn't really associate myself with a particular stereotype in High School, but I also didn't really have any close friends. I'm afraid that i've fallen back into my normal attitude of making friends and developing relationships in Waco. I'm indifferent.

Last week, my devotional honed into the meat of relationships, with family and friends. I tried to make myself available and vulnerable to everyone, but I felt shot down. Maybe it's the devil's scheme, or maybe it's my own ignorance. I have no idea. Or perhaps, I like the idea of self-pity. I've grown accustomed to it. I've grown to understand myself through it. I'm not one to be necessarily easy going or even approachable. I wonder what it means exactly, to have self-pity.

I'm sorry.

My mom gave me great advice the other day. She told me to go somewhere where I can hear only my thoughts and my heart. To go somewhere with no distractions and just sit and talk to myself. I need a period of time where I can just be real with myself. I despise my flaky nature and am afraid that i've been so busy with school and events that i've forgotten God in my midst. Yes, I have devoted myself to this one devotional book, but it doesn't mean that God is truly glorified by simply reading words off a page. When was the last time i sat alone with God, his word, and my heart? ...not since forever

I want to be intimate with God. Yesterday, I felt God was trying to reach out to me somehow. Everywhere I went, i felt a tug in my heart, a soft whisper of my name. I have forgotten who loves me the most. I've created gods among my family, my friends, my work, and my stuff. It sucks. Why is it so hard to go back to the throne room of God? Maybe, i need to forgive someone. Maybe, i need to ask for forgiveness from someone. Or perhaps, I need to forgive myself. Myself? doesn't that sound selfish?!? Apparently, if I can't forgive myself, how can i forgive others?

I'll get back to you when i'm okay.

you are listening to: Oceano - Josh Groban

Josh Groban's album Closer comes out November 11th! Woohoo! I've been anticipating his sophomore album for quite some time now.

Oh my, i love that man.

I went to eat lunch at Memorial today. I had a good time. Why? you ask...because the background music was Nsync's first album. It brought back memories of utter fanatic insanity. Oh, how I miss my adolescence. Listening to "I want you back" and "Tearin' up my heart" totally made my day. =)

what can i offer to the table of Christ?
what can i do to to put a smile on His face?
what do i bring as a gift of gratefulness?
what do i do when i see the glory of God?
what can be done to show that i need Him?
what do i do to feel the embrace of a Father?

So many questions about how to approach and please God.

I find myself out of words. I can't help it. I'm speechless of how great my God can be to me. Words cannot describe just how big He is. I'm blinded by the light of his majestic glory. Truly, what can we say to describe just a glimpse of God's Glory? He doesn't only deserve our praises, he deserves everything...not just our spiritual "self". He deserves our work, our family, our friends, our everything as a burnt offering...

He deserves my work, my family, my friends, my everything. Let's bring a grateful heart to God and let's offer everything we got!

Today is October 21st. It is Apphia Yu's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

If you don't know Apphia, shame on you!

greetings.

Aiyah. I'm tired. This weekend was full of events. I've never done so much within a three day span. I spent the whole weekend with the upperclassmen.

Thursday - Day with Apphia: movie partay at Jessie's (not really a party =P)
Friday - Hillsboro Outlets, Walmart, and Spaghetti dinner with Apphia, Alex, and Jessie
Saturday - AUSTIN!: Firebowl, Drag, and JASON MRAZ

Saturday was totally the highlight. I got to see everybody agaiN! We met up at Firebowl. I know I didn't get to talk to them as much as I wanted to, but i was too busy chowing down on my bowl of food...mm yum. Yeah, soo good too seee theem.

I MISS YOU GUYS SO FREAKING MUCH!!

Oh and we also picked up Cherry from Jester! I thought I'd never see her again after that first week October, and yet, we meet again. It was fun walking down the drag. Even though the only thing i bought was UT shorts, i'm so a betrayer (is that even a word?) There was this tattoo and piercing shop on the drag. I was soo tempted to go in and get my eyebrow or cartilage pierced. =) but indeed, i will someday.

Dropped Cherry off at 5:30, and we were on our way to accomplish our main mission, to go to Jason Mraz/Johnny Lang concert. Somehow, we managed to pass our destination 3 times because we couldn't see it. But that's okay. The concert made up for it. We got into the mosh pit and waited maybe an hour and a half til the concert was underway. Jason Mraz was sooooo gooood. He convinced me to buy his cd, that's how good he was. I was scared that I wouldn't like him, oh but i doooo. 3 weeks ago, if you asked me who was Jason Mraz, I'd shrug and say "who cares?"...but now? oh boy, i may become a fanatic again. Somehow, he has a way of swooning women over. Maybe, it's his voice. Maybe, it's his talent. But boy oh boy, it's definitely for his booty dance. =)

I also found out what weed smells like. After Jason Mraz (sigh) was finished, there was an "intermission" as all the teenage girls left and the bong smoking crowd packed themselves in the crowd. So they were smoking as if it was like drinking water. When I looked up, I saw a cloud of smoke, not coming from the smoke machine on stage, but from the people around me. I looked over to Jessie and gave her the what-in-the-world-is-that-smell look...but i knew the answer already. It was quite hysterical. it's a "you should have been there" event.

Johnny Lang. I remember, that he was on the Disney Channel a few years back. Disney Channel had sponsored new hip, up and coming talents at Disney World. Which is ironic because yesterday night, he was playing at an arena full of people that were high or drunk. =? ::speechless::

We were talking on the way home that it was a good thing for us to get out of waco once in a while. It's nice to step out of the Baylor bubble and realize that things aren't always censored. And you're never sheltered from the things of the world.

I don't like one-liners. It just proves that I don't have much to say. Okay but i also don't want to blog just for the sake of blogging. Things happen but usually, i like to read journals that are of substance. Some philosophical or spiritual message behind it. Of course, i don't offer much of that here. I just...

i dunno...


yeah,

HEAR ME RAMBLE ON AND ON
CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO
ALL DAY LONG

I'm freaking tired, i think. That's why my brain feels like mush. I got an exam tomorrow...I haven't started to study. Pray for my welfare.

i have this overwhelming desire to go to California.

greetings. enchiladas clog your throat.

...the kids here sure do study a lot...

so here's my two cents:

i got nothing.

I'm so boring!?! What the heck. I got nothing to say half the time. I got nothing to show people. All I got is God.

I'm not being chauvinistic about how spiritual I am, believe me. I've been through too much of nothing to be proud of half of the things i've done. But as I start to lay down the format of my life. To list the things that mattter to me the most, God seems to integrate himself in every aspect.

I truly am helpless without God.

"Father, this is my plea. Renew my being. Search within me that fire that once flamed brightly amidst the darkness. I have fleed from your presence. Please call me back, Holy Shepard. I was scared of your all-knowing power. I was scared that if you knew the deep recesses of my heart, there would be no way that you would have me as your daughter. But it says in your word that you have created my inmost being, you know my thoughts from afar, and you have unconditional love for me. What can I do, but praise you for who you are! Praise our heavenly Father for he desires all nations to come to his throne room! God, I just want you to know, that i need you. I am helpless without you. Overwhelm me with your power."

greetings.

I'm at the computer lab right now. I needed my dose of internet usage once more before i head to bed. Today was so packed. My fridays are so packed or it always seems like it.

I had a English paper due today. The entire grading process of the class is based on the papers that we turn in. I didn't do as well as i would have liked to on my first paper. Therefore, I spent hard hours working on this second paper. I really do hope for at least a high B. That's all I ask for.

Something happened after my 8 oclock class. I won't further discuss it. But I just wanted to vent a little about it. I'm tired of being so sensitive about how people treat me. I often feel like i'm being taken advantage of. As a result, I put up a front of who I am. I pretend that things are okay and that I'm a tough chick that has no problems. God has definitely revealed to me why he has made me sensitive. He wants me to be sensitive to his Spirit and really get into the nitty gritty of the majesty of God. ANd along with that, being sensitive to those around me so I can serve better with my heart on the line, being a little vulnerable than needed. My pride does get hurt though. See, there's the contradiction in me.

Aiyah, I shouldn't dwell on it too much. just brush it off, grace. just brush it off.

Urm, after class was done at 1, I head back to the dorms. Haena from Atlanta IMs me and invites me to her dorm. I'm like what the heck, i'm wasting time anyway. I might as well kill time at her place. We hang out and chit chat for a bit. Then we bombard Eva and her privacy and hang with her. We started to watch "Hero" starring Jet Li. Didn't really finish it, but that's okay. Afterwards, we went to Chilli's too for dinner, then to the sub for AFC meeting. AFC was cool. Phara (sp?), intervarsity staff member, came to talk to us about community. I was really encouraged about what she said. She gave an example through Acts 2:42-47 and had some great stories to tell. I liked how she included the analogy of her sister. She said something along the lines of how she loved to talk to people about her younger sister. Her younger sister was cool, hip, and just so trendy. As well as having a passion for God. There was this one instance where her sister was going to visit her at work and Phara would go around to the staff and just let everyone know that her sister was coming and how great she was and how she was this and that.

Wouldn't it be great if we did the same with Jesus. What Jesus did cannot compare to any human behavior. Then why are we so hesitant to share about Him? If Jesus was and is such a great influence in our lives as a Christian, then why don't we talk about Him to everyone?

...Just a thought to consider. I really wanted to go up to Phara and be like "wassup homegirl, you did a bang up job on speaking to us today, yo" but i didn't. Too shy... But next time, I will fo sho.

We had a great time of worship. Or at least i did. I love singing. And singing to God is even better. I was really able to focus on Him for a long time now. Praise God! =) After the meeting, a BIG group of us went "putt-putting" as Jessie refers to it (if you were there, I was giggling about it...if you heard me) urm, putt-putting was fun. I played with Kristina. I'm so glad I played putt putt with her. She's just such a joy to be around and she makes me happy. Besides, having to wait on people could have reallly tested my patience.

AFTER putt-putting (hehe), we went to Aaron's for food and movie. He has a super nouuice place. We watched Office Space. I've seen that movie so many times. And yet, I still laugh at the same parts. Yeah, some of the stuff is just really inappropriate. But yeah. not the greatest movie to go to sleep after....well at least for me...

So now, I'm here. In the lab. I hope Julia and Michael are having a good time in Austin! okie dokie

the end.

There are two factors in keeping me awake during Chapel:
1. there is a very good speaker.
2. very loud music.

I will further elaborate on number 2. I ADORE music~! possibly beyond idolatry. But forgive me. I just can't help it. I love soft music, but i love loud, head pounding music even more. Music that you can sway to, music you can get buck-wild to. Music to sooth you to sleep, music to wake the daylights out of you. So yeah, I've been having hourly naps in Chapel for the last couple of weeks. Those naps were good. But today~! yay! music, funk music today. I love it! i love it, i love it!

Salvador came to Chapel today. i'm still so excited about it! I love latin based music. I really do. I think i'm going to get their cd one of these days and jam' on it. I was in Cozumel over the summer. While I was on the beach, they were blasting Salsa music and it was soo fun! i was having a ball just hangin on the beach and getting my groove on. hehe. fo realz. Oh, so fuuuunnnny and cute. That bass player was like having his own little party for Jesus while playing the bass. He was soo cute. He was dancing and shaking his bon bon like no other.

Yesterday! we went to Hillsong! woot woot! i had a lot of fun. it was buck-wild for Jesus. The theme was Hope. I dunno, I enjoyed it for the most part. But there's something wrong, i think.

I use to be so drenched in the power of God when reallly engaging into worship. And, i've lost vision of what worship reallly is, you know? I really wanna rediscover God like discovering him for the first time. But, on a more superficial level, I loved the music. I love Hillsong a lot. At the end, they had a medley of all their songs, and i was having a great time singing the songs that i actually knew. For some reason, singing songs that have history behind them causes me to engage into God just a wee bit more. Like somehow, knowing the words to a song allows you to recognize who God is. Is that true? Does it help worship be more meaningful? I always thought if i just read the words of a song I didn't know, worship will be the same as if it was a song that i've known from birth. I dunno. Now i'm just babbling. I have that tendency.

Coming to college has made me realize that i really do like to talk. Just not with big groups. I like to babble with people, one on one. super weird. okie dokie...i had more to say...but i'll probably say it later.

the end.

okay, so no, not really... =)

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, striding along the candy store! It is Grace, hands clutching a meaty axe! She cries ominously: "By Odin's mighty spear, I shall avenge my ancestors!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Yay! I have my own battle cry. Usually, I grunt, scream, or yell, "fFREAKING!" But, "By Odin's mighty spear, I shall avenge my ancestors!!!" sounds pretty cool. Might be too long. I'll start mumbling it soon, though.

So this week has been pretty hectic. I've been studying like crazy. I never thought that I could study for so long. My brain has been fried. So if i seem a little ditzy, it's because I am. I become absent minded and a little kookoo. =)

I'm also pooped. I had pulled an all nighter for my history exam on thursday night/friday morning. At like 6:40, I laid down for maybe a minute or so, to have a 20 minute power nap. The next thing I know, it was half past 8, 30 minutes into class! So, I mad dashed over to Tidwell Bible Building to see if I could at least have the last half of class time to work on my test. I open the door, and Parnell shoos me outside. I thought, "bloody hell, I'm too late". But he comes out and asks me what happen. I told him the truth, and he told me to come back at 2 to take it in a different class.

I thought, wow. That's so nice of him. I was so sure that I couldn't take it. So, for the rest of the morning, I studied my butt off because I really reallly reallly wanted to ACE the test. 2 oclock rolls on in, and i meet my fate of my first history test. As i was working on it, i was sooo amazed that I knew what was going on. yay! So yeah, I hope i did well. If not an A, I'm hoping for a high B. *crosses fingers*

THEN! I went swimming with Julia! It was awesome. I ADORE SWIMMING! I didn't know how much I missed doing laps. Oh, I seriously could have been there forever~! Afterwards, i went back to shower and rest before dinner at Chilli's and AFC. It was maybe 5:20 by then, i think. It hadn't occured to me that I hadn't had sleep for a day. *shrugs* But anyway, yeah AFC was awesome. We studied from Mark and talked about faith. Afterwards, we talked about missions. I missed talking about mission trips and how God imparts a passion for missionaries to just go out and preach the word. It was quite refreshing to say the least.

Afterwards, we went to Roberto and Jairo's (sp?) place for movie and games. We watched Harry Potter 2 and ate VELVET CAKE! forreals, that stuff rocks. By this time, I was knocking out. My head felt like mush. I was dead tired.

AND I didn't get much sleep on friday night either~! And time seems to pass by reallly slow. So it feels like ages since I've been home. Which is good or bad, depending on how you see it. But today, to keep it short because my fingers hurt, i went to library to meet hyunji and hanna, we ate at chilli's, and we roamed through walmart. okay time to sleep. church tomorrow! woot woot!

the end.

yesterday night, I was in the lab just checking email, browsing the net, and avoid having to study. and then suddenly, I burped reaally loud, obnoxiously loud. No inhibition. No trying to cage the gas. I just let out a big one. It's one of those burps where you know you've eaten way too much and had an obscene amount of Dr. Pepper. so yeah. i thought it was funny. Perhaps, I'm the only who thought it was funny. I was giggling afterwards... =)

okay, I'm going to go get some fattening dorm food now.

i think, I'm hungry. =)

what the? there's a secret menu at In-N-Out!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?! Oh my gosh, arggg. I have this insatiable desire to go to In-N-Out now.

Does anyone want to go to Cali, this Christmas? or Summer? Spring Break? Please just take me there!!!!

oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man......I am craving for some In-N-Out fo realz man.

I miss those burgers. AHH... please get me some!~

"People have always said, Christians should be colorblind, not caring about the color of other people's skin. But how is that reflective of who God is? God is not colorblind. He enjoys and takes delight in diversity, and we should too. We should not view a white person and an Asian person as the same, because they aren't, culturally. And God takes delight in that, so when someone says or prays that we be colorblind, please don't. Recognize people's ethnicities and their culture, and realize that we are not all the same, and respect that difference in everyone."
- Wayne Mok

"All Creatures"
Sr. Francis of Assisi

All creatures of our God and King,
Lift up your voice and with us sing
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong,
Ye clouds that sail in heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising morn, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear mother earth, who day by day
Unfoldest blessing on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!
O praise Him, O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

I had to take this test for Chapel. It sums up who you are through a series of questions.

You focus deeply on your values and devote your life to chasing ideals... you often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. You're creative and seek new ideas and possibilities. You quietly push for what's important to you, and rarely give up. You might be somewhat gentle or have a good sense of humor, you could be hard to get to know and overlooked by others...you like to make the world more in line with your vision of perfection.

If you're a teenager, you probably have a bit of a rebellious streak. You might argue with others who hold different values than yourself..you probably have a small close-knit group of friends...you can relax around these pals and be pretty entertaining, since you see the world in a different and special way... that's why your posts on the Storm Palace are so great!

Inner harmony is the most important thing to you. You're sensitive and loyal. You have a strong sense of honor concerning your personal values. You'd rather communicate your feelings in writing...

You do best in a flexible situation where the teacher/collegue takes a personal interest in you...you like to interact with your peers, but not TOO much ...you have both creativity and flexibility, and you like that about yourself....you don't get bogged down by details...your job must be fun and it must be meaningful to you....you don't wanna feel conspicuous so you'll sell yourself short just to avoid the spotlight...

You can be a gentle and subtle leader...being indirect and inclusive of others...you don't confront people head-on, but rather work with 'em to get the job done....you lead with your values in mind and let these guide you...you don't like conflict, so you don't confront situations directly.. you'd rather wait for a situation to work itself out....

Leisure and kickin' back is really important to you. sometimes it is hard to separate work from play, huh? when you find a new recreational pursuit, you do a lot of reading up on it...most of your leisure things are done alone, like reading, listening to music, and even BBSing....when you want to be sociable, you can be very charming and outgoing..

Love is a very deep commitment to you...it's not easily attained...you probably pick out flaws or are disappointed when he or she doesn't match up to your ideal as to what love should be like...first dates are very well set up to make sure everything is taken care of so it can be "just right." you might have a hard time sharing feelings about others...you tell so many feelings inside that you forget to tell your partner that you love 'em or whatever....

If the relationship goes bad, you take it to heart, but probably don't tell many others about it....you have a tendency to overreact, huh? Other things to watch for...don't get so caught up in your dreams that you don't consider others' points-of-view...you might not adjust your vision to the facts of a situation...you may need a "reality check" once in a while... also, don't try to please everyone and be so hesitant to criticize... don't delay projects 'cause you're holding out for perfection...it's not gonna come...don't get overly critical because no one matches your perfect ideals... you could lash out and it could get ugly.

INFP: "I Never Find Perfection"

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Ahh well. Nice to be reminded of what kind of personality I have.

Okay, so today is a good day, i think. I prayed extensively about "lover boy" and God has, once again, made me realize that I simply am not ready. Even if I was ready, I shouldn't think so much about it. Talked with Wynette for quite awhile and it helped a good deal. =) thanks buddy ol' pal.

Hopefully, more deep revelations will be revealed within the next day or so.

I'm very sick. blaah.

i want to die to rid of this pain.

the worst of it is, I have a paper due, two quizzes, and book that needs to be read by tomorrow.

God, please save me.

keahiwai - "falling"

i added a pretty song. But if you don't want it on repeat, just press the stop button on your toolbar =)

PressAnyKey

January 03

Extraordinary taste
dignity
cultivated airs
loves anything beautiful
moody
stubborn
tends to egoism but cares for those close to it
rather modest
very ambitious
talented
industrious uncontent lover
many friends
many foes
very reliable.

Please build me up.

i feel torn down, beat up, burned and thrashed.

Delicate me. Unable to grasp coherent language.

Please save me from my bondage.

Save me from myself.

Help me.

Rescue me from the quicksand.

hold me in your hands and tell me.

Okay, another quick note. This is so freakishly God. I've sung this song at every Christian event i've been to within the last few weeks. (CLC, AFC, HBC, HBBS)

"Blessed Be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the
desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back
to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining
down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked
with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I'm guessing that when times are hard and even when times seem so good, I need to really focus my eyes on God, which I must admit, I haven't done. So it must be said that God is really the one to shine through in the midst of our turmoil and definitely in the midst of our joy.

Okay, a few updates.

My laptop. It's not fixed. I have no idea what's wrong with it. The guys at the campus computer store say they can't fix it. The guys from Best Buy say they can't fix it. It must be a sign...It must be a sign that I'm not suppose to have a laptop. =( That makes me sad. But oh well, we'll see. Maybe Super Shanno can help me out on my crisis.

AFC. Yes, I've decided. I'm going to be a member of AFC for the rest of the year. I want to see where the fellowship / small groups / worship goes. I'm excited.

Church. I'm going to UBC tomorrow! at least, I hope to. A bunch of girls from my hall are going to check it out. University Baptist Church is David Crowder's home church. The last time I saw him was at First Baptist in Houston, which was like right when I got back from China. So I'm excited about that. Oh, and definitely looking forward to a healthy dose of the Holy Word, yo.

Family. I miss my family sooo much. You cannot conceive the extent of my homesickness. I misss everybody so much. Even those that I'm not always in contact with, i miss you. Argg, I think I'm going to start crying in the lab...

til we meet again.

aloha.

Yet again, I find myself wanting to blog my unending thoughts to perhaps entertain or inform my audience. I'm having a good time here in Waco. I find myself enjoying the campus more than I ought to. Cause i figured that I'd stay here for a year and transfer elsewhere. But after walking around campus and meeting new people, I realize that I enjoy this setting that God has brought me into. I'm actually excited about what's going to happen to me this semester.

So, I went to AFC. I, surprisingly enough, enjoyed the company and the conversations. The warmth seemed to strike a familiar chord. I dunno. They just welcomed me with open arms. I already feel like part of their family. Well, we are family, but you know, a close knit family. But i think that's mostly on my part. We'll see.

okay, time to escape into my dreams.

til we meet again.

Lord, wash me in the water of the word
i lay me on the alter of your will
present me blameless without blemish, holy bride
white, Lord, purify your bride

Greetings.

At this very moment, I'm at the library getting my healthy dose of internet usage. I have been deprived of AIM for perhaps 3 days! I miss it so. And I won't get my laptop until 5 FREAKING days! That's far too many days. I was really apprehensive about letting go of my laptop because, in all honesty, I don't trust anyone with my laptop now. Maybe I just need to keep faith that God will fix my computer. Maybe I'm not suppose to use it because I've grown so attached it. Yeah, maybe...

Okay, so today was my first day of class. Everything is going along pretty well. Met some great girls in my hall and had some great talks with my roommate, Christina. I just miss everybody back home. I think I'm already homesick and just haven't cried yet because it hasn't settled in. I live a very personal and private life. Sharing a room with someone else is definitely different for me. I have to open to simple things like when she uses the mirror to put on her make-up. How she stays up using the computer while I'm sleeping.

I just came out of Chapel. It was quite a different experience for me. How can we all pray together when we don't believe in the same God? And, unfortunately for Atheists, it is a required class to take. The grade is merely dependent on your attendance of Chapel. *shrugs* I hope Chapel is more interesting than it was today.

I noticed that everywhere I go, people have dell computers. Dell is everywhere here. In the dorm rooms, library, computer labs. I wonder if I should have invested my money on a dell notebook...hrm. Wait! I'm not suppose to think about notebooks. It's making me frustrated beyond all earth.

I'm excited about tomorrow though. There's this club or ministry called Asians For Christ (which reminds me of Students For Christ at Clements). So I'm going there to check it out. Meet some brothers and sisters my same color. It's funny, whenever I run into asians, I would flash a smile and say "Hi" as if I know them or something. Because at Baylor, it's a rare occasion to run into a oriental. So I'm glad to see them when I can. Don't get me wrong, I love white people, or to be politically correct, Caucasians. But we asians have some kind of connection. We share some kind of history, or whatever. hah.

MAN, I left my favorite pair of pants at home!! arg. There goes my idea of efficient packing. I also left a great deal of stuff that I need here. Oh well.

Well, I am signing off cause these dell keyboards suck. hah. Nevermind, I wouldn't want to buy a dell.

Call me. I'm probably bored.

hi.

I'M IN COLLEGE!!

So yeah. I finally met my roommate. She's really neat. She has this great heart for God and I'm very happy that I'm going to be living with her. I think it's going to be a great experience for me to live with another girl, considering I've lived with boys my whole life. It's quite refreshing. As of right now, Christina (my roommate) is at a concert and I'm here in my dorm room (woohoo!). I'm literally pooped. I woke up at 7 in the morning to drive down here and have been running all over Waco, buying stuff.

Right now, i'm trying to figure what what's wrong with my laptop ( I'm using Christina's comp). So, bye for now.

hi.

i'm sad.

Please call me.

I am pooped.

I had a full daay. I woke up at about 12. Met up with Wynette at 1. Finally got to my dorm shopping that I have been avoiding since the beginning of summer. I got some essentials. I like shopping for stuff, rather than clothes. It's more enjoyable, I think. Afterwards, we went to givral for some good vietnamese sandwiches. err. I actually got a BBQ sandwich and she got noodles. I wasn't bold enough to finish the jalapeno. The bread is super hard. But i enjoyed it nonetheless. Hanging out with Wynette is always a good time to be cherished. We can laugh one minute and be serious the next. Her presence is always something I'm grateful for. Then, I watched OC with shannon and peggy. Oooohhh. i like that show. It's my new favorite show. I watched the premiere and I was hooked. It was about 5 when the show was over. And i was debating, whether or not I should go fishing with Irv and them. I felt as if I should have went home and spent more time with the family, considering the fact that I was leaving for college in a few days. But I also wanted to personally say goodbye to everyone. Oh how I'm going to miss my secondary family. So I thought about it for like 30 minutes and decided to consult with my daddy. To my surprise, he allowed me to go. =) yay! so I stayed at shannon's for awhile and enjoyed our conversations and giggling and what not. She is one of the most gentle person I know. I can be so at home with her and not even know it. We were both beginning to feel sleepy so we decided to go by starbucks and catch us some caramel fraps. Mm mm good. The guy who took my name introduced himself to me. I thought that was kinda interesting. AND I had the best parking space since the first time I've been in that area. Anyway, so we head out towards our adventure.

We arrive at Irv's to find that the missing persons were the Wu family, Kenny, and Dan. We waited on Dan for perhaps, 30 minutes? I'm not sure. It wasn't too bad, waiting for him. The ride to Galveston was fun. We laughed, we talked, we just enjoyed each other's company. I missed that. We arrive maybe 10 minutes after 9. Fishing is not easy, dude. I realize I have no patience in waiting for my line to catch. Kyle had to help me out with my bait a lot. hehe. I'd cast the line, and my hook, bait, and weight fly out into the gulf. hehe. I'm not good at fishing. But it's definitely an experience. Man, so after a few hours of being fishermen and hanging out on the pier, we left at about 12:30. Lisa wanted to eat TC. And so we did. The funniest thing happened as we were making our trip from Irv's place to TC. We saw johnny coming home! We saw an opposing car light and wondered who would be out this late. And then we spotted familiar shape of the car. As we approach closer, we were surprise to unveil that Johnny was coming home at 2 oclock in the morning! Hehe. So he decides to tag along with our train of cars. But he didn't really eat with us. I suppose he just wanted to hang out with the boys, considering he didn't know lisa and I were in the backseat. He went home after realizing TC's dine in was closed. So we went through the drive through and took it to Irv's to munch on our midnight snack. Again, we had some good conversations at the dinner table and enjoyed each other's presence. And so now, I'm home. I'm just recalling what an awesome day I had from just spending time with the people I really do love.

I think I'm really really going to miss everyone. Especially the girls. They are just so fun to be around. Even when we're tackling the hard knocks of life. Or giggling at the most ridiculous things. They will be missed terribly...by me.

Oh man, I also really enjoyed Lisa's dinner party. It was a fabulous time. I could hardly stop myself from laughing so hard. I am a laugher I tell you. I just had so much fun that it was ridiculous.

Yaf was a good time too. Chris gave one of those I-am-warning-you-about-yourselves-as-you-go-back-to-school speech. Hehe. It was a good reminder to keep my heart and mind to be guarded from the pains of the world. We ate lasagna. I am still stuffed from the extra piece that I shared with shannon. Afterwards, we took a group picture, just for me.=) yay.

Actually, I'm going everyone a great deal, not just the girls. When together, we just have a great time in fellowship and stuff. =)

I have so many great things to say about everyone. But not everyone reads this so. Maybe in the near future I'll make dedications.

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

By the grace of God, please leave me alone.
I am tired. Please go away.

Okay, so I'm back from a four day cruise. This is my second time going. I enjoyed this trip far more than the first one. I thought I'd list some highlights...

1. I enjoyed the free ice cream they had on the 10th floor buffet. Every morning, I'd wake up and travel upstairs to enjoy a cone of vanilla or combo of vanilla/chocolate. Every night, I would enjoy one while gazing into the sunset. good stuff, good stuff.

2. In our room, we had a tv. And every day, there were exactly three movies that they would play nonstop. First day: Just Married, Shanghai Knights, and Like Mike. Second day: Lord of the Rings, Chicago, and From Justin to Kelly. Third day: How to Lose a Guy in Ten days, Daredevil, and Jonah (Veggietales). It was movies galore!. I watched LOTR a couple of times. =) that would make a record of watching the movie...about....8 times now? I also thoroughly enjoyed Veggietales. hehe.

3. Karaoke Bar. Every night, they had a place for guests to sing Karaoke. It was soo fun. The ones who were really shaking their booty or belting out the tunes were so entertaining. Even little girls would go up and sing. They wouldn't know the words, but just kept right on singing. hehe.

4. Cozumel. Our whole time at Cozumel was definitely an experience I won't forget. The water was so clear and there were fish swimming right by the shore! We were swimming with the fish. =) It was so pretty. All we did basically was hang out on the beach. But man, I really really had a good time. I went jet skiing. That was a great thrill. At times, I thought I would fall off, but it was nonetheless, thrilling and exciting. I also got a good tan. So, the age minimum for drinking is 18, right? So, hehe, I got some alcohol on my own. I think I have very low tolerance for it. Cause afterwards, I felt really sick and skipped dinner and went straight to bed.

5. Cute boys. There were a great amount of boys on the trip. And a lot of them were cute. There was this one guy who looked very laid back and would always leave the dinner room way before his family did. Off to where? I don't know. But he reminded me of this guy that I went to China with (who I had a kinda crush on). When I heard his voice, though, it sounded very annoying. So I just liked looking at him. There was also this guy who I saw the time we were checking in. He kept looking at me as if I was some kind of alien. And I would see him from time to time on the ship. He was pretty well built and he also reminded me of the Georgia boys. I don't really like to approach guys. I'd like for them to come up to me for a talk. Other than that, I'm not really interested. I guess I just like scoping.

6. The view. Oh man, the ocean view is just gorgeous. I loved just looking out into the water and feeling the wind hit up against my face. Both the sunrise and sunset was a sight! I could have stayed on deck the entire time. It would have been fine by me.

7. Casino. The age requirement to gamble is 18. =)

saavy?

Saavy will be my new word. Jack Sparrow has inspired me to further my vocabulary into piracy. Saavy?

I love that movie! Have I already said so? Yeah i love it. I will say it again. I love the movie. i'm going to buy it when it comes out and watch it over and over and over again.

I went to the bookstore today. Woohoo! I promised michael I would take him and take him, i did. It only took me a week to fulfill my promise, but michael is a flexible guy. =) But anyway, I checked out some of the magazines. I like Tobey Maguire. He's a good actor. I read about him in Biography and...Elle? well yeah i did. He has the new movie, Seabiscuit (which i saw, I must recommend). He's got a history of baggage on him. It's hard to imagine that actors have to go through life and its trials as well. I guess media portray actors as some sort of idols, that its hard to recognize them as human beings. But anyway, i think he may be on my favorites list, along with Tom Hanks and Hugh Grant.

I also ran into a magazine spotlighting Evanescence. At first, I was kind of "eh" about them because of their mainstream exposure and plus, stupid KRBE keeps playing "Bring me to Life" as if they have no other song to play. Apparently, the band has issues with the Christian Rock Community. They can't decide if Evanescence should be consider Christian, though Amy Lee (the female vocalist of the band) promotes God as "love". Factors are that the group has been known to plug in a few curse words into their language....so Christian stores decides to take the band off their shelves.

I think it sucks. The same thing happened to Lifehouse. They didn't want to be categorized as anything. But their beliefs are their own personal lives. The music is just a gateway for art. It seems ridiculous how the topic of music can be distorted in line with God. Just make sure it doesn't cause you to stumble, is my philosophy.

yay for community pools. boo for children playing in community pools. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I just don't like it when I'm trying to swim the one lane that is for swimmers and i lose my rhythm when little kids play marco polo. I had a good swim, i think. My arms are a bit sore. I guess it's cause it's been like a month and a half since I've swam laps. Okay.

Time for bed. good night, world.

I realized why i didn't have any friends. No one wants to be friends with a fat girl.

I've just experience a new feeling of guilt. For some reason, I feel disgusted with myself when I eat. Afterwards, I feel as if I've hurt my body by eating (period). It's such a weird after effect, you know? Eating is something to be grateful for. It provides energy, health, and is just good for the body. God even promotes eating. The disciples went around villages eating in other people's home. Jesus fed 5000 with a loaf of bread and some fish. Some of the epistles gave instruction on the matter of food. I dunno. Maybe I'm having issues with....(blank)

Another source of guilt is the use of money. I'll admit it, I'm kinda cheap when it comes to buying stuff. I think it happened when I went to China last summer. I just started thinking about saving money in order to go on the trip and the bargain shopping that went on while in China and how everything just seems so expensive, here in the US. I can be quite stingy.

I'm afraid that when I go to college, I would be afraid of eating and spending money. Which may cause detrimental effects to my body. I want to be a good steward of my money and my body. Because everything that's given to me is not really mine. It should be for God. I just hope I don't get myself into trouble.

i miss Wynette and Elaine...

=(

rawrr...

MUST BUY ON DECEMBER 2, 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For some odd reason...I'm feeling tremendously vulnerable right now. Perhaps, I'm sick and need to lie down. Or that a huge current of emotion has been eagerly stretched forth within my body. I don't know. I'm just certain that I wish I had someone to share my most fondest memories. Those memories that last forever. They may not be the most pleasant, perhaps even, an excruciating event of trauma and indignity. I just wish I had someone to share with. I've been praying for one since I understood the meaning of acceptance and honesty. It hurts to know that I may be alone for a loong haul.

It doesn't even have to be a guy! I want that feeling of communion again, you know? I got an email from a guy I used to have a crush on. And it tore my heart to pieces, knowing that I may never see him, ever again. I may even be bold to say that I loved him for caring for me as a friend. It hurts. And as for girlfriends, I can't latch onto them even though I try so hard. Sometimes? It is hard for me to just push away my feelings and focus on their problems. I can be quite selfish at times. Is that normal? I'm being so general in my words to you. But I can't really explain it. It's just difficult to describe what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish that I could just write words that is at least somewhat coherent. But it ends up being a jumble of mess...stream of consciousness...that's what this is...i suppose.

Perhaps, all this ambiguity is due to the fact that I want to be Snow White, or Sleepy Beauty, or Cinderella, or any princess who had their feet swept away by some prince charming. I live inside this bubble of imagination. I breathe the idea of some kind of divine and magical wonder that I wish would happen to my life. I'm not talking, necessarily about the guy of my dreams (which is a plus), but for everything to just seem right, AT LEAST, some evidence of justification of why I exist. uggh...so i'm left drowning in my tears one more time.

"Dream, love is only in a dream, remember -
Remember life is never as it seems. Dream"

Yes, yes, yes, YES! I am a girl. I watch silly chick flicks as do many other girly girls. I find myself crying at another one. I don't get it. Why do I cry at these mere humans portraying some made-up character?! It's ridiculous! It's ludicrous! But... It's me. The lyrics above are of Harry Nilsson to the song, "Remember", which is included to the soundtrack of "You've Got Mail". For some odd reason, yet agaaain...I find myself crying, with tears, moans, the whole shabang...not knowing why...*sigh*

please help this deranged girl into finding earth once again.

oh, i miss swimming. I haven't swam in like a month or so. The excessive chlorine in the pools is not good for the skin so I stopped going to the gym to swim. You know how people run to get their minds off of things? I swim to get my mind off of things. It helps me relax, big time. I really do need it now.

This weekend has been a whirlwind. I just wanna stay home and sit and relax. And just keep everyone happy. It seems to me that whenever I go out, I want to go home to be there for mike, my dad, or my mom. And when i'm home, I wanna hang with my friends, my peeps, my homies. =) It's just a lose-lose situation, this life of mine.

i wanna do something drastic. Like a piercing of some sort. Perhaps like on my eyebrow or my cartilage. That would be so sweet. OOOh or maybe a tatoo. That would be nice. I want to have stefenee's tattoo. A pink star right on my wrist. Or maybe a dolphin like Charissa on my neck. I dunno. I'm stealing other people's tattoo. Let me think about it some more.

oyee, pain, this pain...it seems so familiar. arrgg. must sit down and blog.

when am I going to find the man of my dreams?! When am I going to find a guy willing to chase me down on his motorcycle?! suxors. Relationships. BAH!

The new Shane and Shane album "Carry Away" ROCKS my world! Go get it!

rekindle my spirit
harness my soul
stretch my being
brighten my eyes
shape my mind
and most importantly, mend my heart.

Again, I woke up with the same song. I don't know why I'm excited. I just seem to wake up on such a good mood. Anyway, I looked back on the posts that I've had within the last two months or so. I haven't really been saying much about how I've been. I suppose it's the idea of I don't want to be personalized to strangers, or even friends, that much anymore. Or perhaps it's the idea that my life has been pretty incomplete without God. Yeah, I talked to my good friend, Larissa about my backsliding and how I don't want to unconsciously or unknowingly put pride before my spiritual growth. I'm beginning to think this last year has. She told me that, yeah, church is a priority. But God does not succumb under the propriety of church. He continues to be the foundation of grace and love and power and authority. She herself does not approve of the church and its ways but she loves God to her fullest. through just talking to her, I find myself missing the things of God. Those nightly prayers, those worship hours with just Him and I, those talks of love and intimacy with brothers and sisters. I do miss it. I'm inadvertently shrugging off God while thinking that I'm doing the right thing of leaving the church. I didn't leave for anyone else. I thought I left for the lack of spiritual growth. But in all honesty, I think I left for selfish reasons, not because of God, which at the time, I thought I WAS doing it for God. But i confess, I cannot live without God. I also scanned through wynette's archives of her blog. I had wanted to find some kind of hint of information so i could buy a present for her. I found myself reading about her first encounter with my old church. I remember that first time we met. It was right after the weekend of a great retreat so I was feeling very friendly and loved and all giddy about God. I talked to her voluntarily. At first, I thought she was scared of me because of my forwardness. But I didn't really think about it too much. Anyway, she displayed a great deal of transparency on her blog. I admire that in people. Whether it be through conversations or journals, I adore people who are real with others. That takes guts. She reminded me of the realness of God and how he does work in miraculous ways. I also got reminded I'm suppose to live 100% to God. Not just a bit by bit kind of thing. But rather a full comprehension of His majesty. I've been pretty blinded. So help me see.

i woke up singing this song:

Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen
Tonight we'll put all other things aside
Get in this time and show me some affection
We're goin' for those pleasures in the night

I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough
And if you move real slow I let it go

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
And I know I know I know I know I know I want you

We shouldn't even think about tomorrow
Sweet memories will last for long long time
We'll have a good time, Baby, don't do worry
And if we're still playin' around boy that's just fine

Let's get excited, we just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I know I know I know I know I know I want you, I want you

I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough
And if you move real slow I let it go

I'm so excited, I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I know I know I know I know I know I want you

hahahahahahha, I'm very amused.

So it's late, I'm not tired. No sir-e-bob. I was watching Sleepless in Seattle on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). Love it. It features movies, UN-FREAKING-CUT! it's incredible. It's my new favorite channel. Anyway, I have this obsession with the movie now. Seriously. No matter how many times i've seen it, I must see it every time it is on tv. No kidding. No, i kid you not. It's like Mel Gibson's character on Conspiracy Theory. He must buy the novel, Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger every time he is in the bookstore (which, by the way, is a pretty funktastic book). Seriously, i am completely honest and sincere. I cry and laugh each time i see it. It hardly makes sense to me. You'd think that after i've seen it for so mannny times, I would get sick of it. I'm not. No, no. I just keep watching it as if I'm mesmerized. Oh man, oh man. I stopped watching cause my daddy told me to go away. hehe. Anyway, I'll make it up to my heart. I'm sure I'll see it again in the near future.

Oh and yes, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean. ANother funkTASTIC movie. I loved every minute of it. It kept my heart pumping and my eyes open for johnny depp or orlando bloom. Johnny Depp sure caught my attention. He was the one who tied the whole movie together. It was very entertaining. Orlando Bloom, the sweet naive, yet courageous little pirate. He is pretty cute, i have to admit. My gosh, who knew swashbuckling pirates can be so gorgeous. HOTT. The effects are fabulous. I felt as if I was really part of the entire realm of piracy. It takes a whole lot of imagination and creativity and skill to do that. Jerry Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski, kudos...kudos. I'd watch it a second time, Yes ma'am I would.

So i've started wearing jewelry again. I find something so feminine in adorning our necks, wrists, fingers...wherever with...stuff. I use to wear bracelets a lot. But they got dirty or i broke 'em. I use to wear necklaces a lot. But the necklace itself got damaged in one way or another. So I stood a long time not wearing anything around my neck or on my hand. But I'll be more lady-like now so I don't like break it while playing volleyball or something (which, I admit, i did --which is a stupidly stupid thing to do). so yep. Nothing too exciting going on.

aww man...

I hate memories. The thought of memories, both good and bad, makes me so nostalgic and blah that i wish i could turn back the hands of time to either relive the good or redo the bad. There's so many things i would change. I wonder if i change those certain circumstances in the past, will my being be in a better state? Ahh what's past is past, right? Right!

Anyway, do you remember that one guy, that one guy that made you giddy inside with glee that for him to just look at you and say, "hi, there" would make your day? I sure do. I still remember thinking that i was actually in love with him. I would save our conversations on aim. I would keep anything and everything that even remotely reminded me of him. I think he's the ONLY guy that i've actually flirted with. haha. what a joke. me? Flirt? anyway. Yeah, he made me want to flirt with him just so i can get attention from him. Sometimes, he would flirt with me and for a short period of time, i had actually thought he liked me. I was listening to some old school songs about love and that warm fuzzy feeling inside and somehow i remembered this guy. He serenaded to me once. Well, him and another guy serenaded to this girl and myself.

We were having time to work on our projects for english class. As Lisa and I were talking, i heard a faint voice singing in the background. And slowly the voice became more confident and louder. He passed my right side and i looked directly at him. He made exaggerated facial expressions added with hand motions of "i love you" (pointing at his eye, covering his heart, and then pointing at me) while singing a bit out of tune. I didn't care. I giggled while watching him and his buddy make a show. But deep down, I was like, "O My God, could this BE any more divine". Him serenading to me is something that i wont forget. Guys, if you want to sweep a girl off her feet, serenade to her as corny as it may sound. Once a guy is able to be foolish for a girl than the relationship becomes special.

I remember crying over him once.

He lived here for only a semester! Now that i think of it. I remembering seeing him for the first time. It was the first day back from Christmas break my 8th grade year. ANd he moved back to California right when school was out and summer began. However, the second semester of my freshmen year, I had heard that he was coming back for spring break. I had wanted so bad to call him up and ask him if he wanted to hang out because I missed him. But i didn't have enough guts to do it. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Maybe it was a mistake of mine to just let him slip through my hands. Maybe i should have called. But i didn't and i can't change it. Oh but i wish i did. Still to this day, i think about him every so often...when I hear a Boyz II Men song or when I'm eating tofu...hehe

Eric Bana! Man, i did not know he was the guy in Black Hawk Down. I remember wanting to know who he was. Now I know! He's also the guy who voices Anchor, the hammerhead of Finding Nemo! hehe. I have a thing for Australian guys. Anyway, unto the review that has nothing to....uh wait! yes, it does have to do with my movie review. In the Hulk, Eric Bana's Character, Bruce Banner has to go head to head with Glenn Talbot, played by Joshua Lucas. Joshua Lucas is widely known as the redneck in Sweet Home Alabama. So that's it. There's the connection. On to the review!

Sweet Home Alabama - directed by Andy Tennant (who also directed Ever After --ANother one of my favorites)
Another romantic comedy. yes, I wanted to rent Snatch. But it's rated R. I've seen rated R movies. But somehow, I had a bad feeling. Because I once made a promise to myself to not watch rated R movies for specific reasons so... Yeah, maybe when it comes out on television with all the content edited. hah. But i digress. So it's a hick story about a woman who finds herself torn between two men. Boy, what a tough choice. Two fine looking men, chasing after the same woman. One of which is already married to her. I liked the idea of her having to pick between the two guys. It shows the two different worlds she has come to understand. The place where she grew up knowing so well. And the place where all her dreams came true. *shrugs* Very good movie.

At first, I didn't want to watch it for moralistic reasons. Like how she left her husband in Alabama and deceiving everyone she knew. But her excuse was the fact that Alabama had brought a lot of bad memories and she wanted to escape the reality of her roots. I can understand that. So yeah, I didn't have any expectations and ended up liking it. So yeah, It's worth it.

Hey! Movie Review by Grace!

The Hulk - directed by Ang Lee (who directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon --but you probably already know that)
Two things...er Three things I noticed about this movie. One, It was tremendously looonng. I understand that a good movie needs substance and background information to pull the plot together. But it was ridiculously long for a comic movie. I liked the scientific part of it. It didn't make much sense. But i liked it nonetheless. It made it more intriguing. Like somehow, it was possible for mankind to do that. With a mad scientist father who's wife conceived a monster after he experimented on HIMSELF. I dunno. Maybe it's possible, but probably not. Maybe, in Grace World. But anyway, Second, I noticed there's some emotional baggage throughout the whole movie. This guy seems to get so worked up because his father did something to him. But I also liked the fact that whenever he was with Betty (Jennifer Connelly) he became all sweet and gentle. awwwwwww. =) Yeah, there's some depth in this movie that I didn't really expect. Third, THE EFFECTS. I was like HOW DID THEY DO THAT?!? THAT IS AMAZING!! I loved the action sequences. He was mad and going at it! Those were my favorite parts. argg...it was just too damn long. I hated that. Cut it shorter. A long movie doesnt' make a good movie. Overall, I would see it, but i would have rather rented it. Or watched it at the dollar theatre.

Alex & Emma - directed by Rob Reiner (who also directed When Harry met Sally --which is one of my favorites)
Okay. So this movie was cute. I guess I kept comparing it to "When Harry met Sally" a little too much. Kate Hudson is sooo cute. I kept trying to see her facial expressions and compare 'em to Goldie Hawn. She is so adorable and pretty good at being adorable without being too dorky at it. Luke Wilson is "dreamy". ahh. He's got a nice bod, with nice eyes, and a nose that looks a lot better than his brother, Owen's. =) isn't he in like 3 movies that are coming out soon...er around the same time. let's see this, Charlie's Angels, and Legally Blond. Yeah, the romantic comedy genre hasn't had a lasting effect. They just don't make them like they use to. I can't help it, but I don't think Luke Wilson is that great of an actor. He is "dreamy", ahh. But not a good actor. Like I couldn't believe that he liked Emma. ANd that's what actors are suppose to do, fake sincerity so that it becomes a reality to the audience for the length of the movie. The plot was kinda off. But nonetheless, cute. It kinda reminded me of Simply Irresistible. That movie stunk, but it was cute. Cooking food to seduce a man. Very original. But anyway, i wouldn't go see it in the theater. maybe when it comes on cable tv. Then I'll watch it.

Okie dokily. Now for music. Ahh. Music. yay! my favorite subject. This past week, Vh1 hosted the 100 greatest songs in the last 25 years. Here's a list of some of my favorites:

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
When Doves Cry - Prince
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
Waterfalls - TLC*
Don't Speak - No Doubt*
Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
Under the Bridge - The Red Hot Chili Peppers*
Heart of Glass - Blondie
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton*
Loser - Beck
My Sharona - The Knack*
I wanna be sedated - Ramones
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Greenday*
Hungry like the Wolf - Duran Duran
Losing my Religion - REM

* - extra special to Grace's heart =)

Here I am, sitting in front of the screen. Listening to the lovely words sung by Josh Groban. I begin to think about leaving the house soon. My dad calls out, "Mei, mei!" I reply with a instant yelp, "WHAT?!" He's home from his whereabouts. I rush downstairs to greet him. He spreads his arms and welcomes me for a hug. "I can't believe you're going to college. Seems only yesterday that I was holding you in my arms as a baby. Now you're going off to college." He has the tendency to talk to me about profound ideas with intrigue and interest. He would always go, Grace, I'm telling you this for your own good. So that your mind develops faster and you are smart to do what's right. He is a very intelligent man with a deep love for family. After the hug, he cracks a joke about Michael and goes about his business. I run back upstairs to attend to my computer game.

I start to think about this last year. So much has happened. I went to a mission trip. I left the church. I went on to my senior year of school. I made new friends. I understood who I was for the first time in my life. I applied to college. I got into Baylor. I graduate. Now it's the summer. The only thing I can now think about is the fact that I've been through hell and back with my dad. This last year, I've loved him. For the first time, I love my dad. I use to wish he would die of cancer. I use to wish that he and my mom would get a divorce so that I could live without emotional baggage. But that is ridiculous. I love him. I love my dad. It has just occured to me. He's leaving for China on Tuesday, for business. Delicate drops of tears trickle from my eyes and down my face. You know how you imagine what it would be like to live without your parents? I seriously cannot imagine living without my father now. Forgive me for ever saying false things about my father. He's not to blame. He never was the one. I was. In my own stupidity and ignorance, I reproved my father for my own selfish reasons. Not to say he didn't hurt me at the time. But I shouldn't hate him for enforcing discipline on me. I finally understand with love comes discipline.

"And in your hands, the pain and hurt...
look less like scars,
and more like character."

"Like a stone" Audioslave
"What it is to burn" Finch
"Swing, Swing" The All-American Rejects
"Somewhere I belong" Linkin Park
"Rest in pieces" Saliva
"Remember me" Hoobastank
"All my life" Foo Fighters
"Times like these" Foo Fighters

Yes, yes. Another movie review. A short one, I hope. I just finishing watching two movies with the family, Road to Perdition and Maid in Manhattan.

I wanted to watch something with some sort of depth. I haven't thought for a while, haven't been usin' the noggin' to its great use. Road to Perdition is not a bad choice. The Usual Suspects, now, that's a movie you gotta think about. Road to Perdition is based upon a Irish Mafia and how one event turns the life of one mobster, the enforcer. It was written during the depression as a "graphic novel" or basically, a comic book. Yeah, I didn't know it was a comic book and so was Men in Black as well as From Hell and Ghost World. Who knew?

Anyway, Tom Hanks is truly good at his craft. Whether being mentally handicapped or delightfully charming or ruggedly demanding, he always makes you believe that he was somehow made for that one movie character. He did a great work at being a tragic hero. Jude Law. I was telling Michael that he's a hottie. "Jude Law is a hottie", I told him. As the movie started, he kept asking who was Jude Law as to confirm my taste in men. When he finally shows up as the psychotic photographer of dead bodies with his head balding, he's like, "so that's your hottie. Man, grace, you don't have much of a taste, do you?"

*sigh*

Jude Law is typically known for his roles as a charming chap, getting the women. Not for this movie. He's the creepy, eerie killer. I was totally freaked. I mean literally freaked whenever he was on scene. He was so scary. He did a good job at being the villian, definitely. *shudder*

I don't have much to say about the other actors. I just liked the entire movie. The music was fantastic. You know how they play music to heighten the scene just a little bit more. Yeah, they did a lot of that in this movie. It fit very well in the context of the movie, dark and grim. I just liked it. My friend, Matthew had told me about it a year ago today. He said it was an awesome movie. I just never took his word for it until now. The movie was great. I feel satisfied. Go see it today!

Maid in Manhattan. Well, it's aokay. ANother popcorn movie. Nice and sweet, with a happy ending. J-Lo, i think, is best at being a dancer. She's an okay actress and uhh slightly lacking singer, but she sho can move her booty. I don't think it's really worth the 5 bucks to rent it. Maybe when it's on tv.

Boy oh boy, Father's Day. My daddy opened his gift already because I was so eager to see what it was. hehe. It's a DVD and VHS player! He kids around with us sooo much that I don't know if he really appreciates it. But i think he does. =)

"The Scientist" by Coldplay...yes, shannon, I've heard it. I absolute adore it. It's a beautifully written song. Dang, makes you wanna go date a rocker.

I also saw Evanescence's "Bring me to life" video for the first time. I have to say that I enjoyed it even though it wasn't the most pleasant video. It had a great concept. I don't know how to explain so I won't butcher it. I just wanted to take note of it. I never knew 12 stones was the guy singing. I thought he was part of Evanescence. But anyway, 12 stones is a Christian rock band. See what music videos do? they help give clarity.

Oh and finally, to top it off, The reason I'm up so late is because I was finishing watching a movie. Thank God for women's entertainment channel. They sure know how to get a girl sucked into television. The movie is a classic. "Butterflies are free" starring Goldie Hawn and Edward Albert. MY GOD, I love this movie. I believe any movie that can make me cry deserves to be on my list of favs. It's about a blind man learning to live on is own for the first time and how he encounters a free-spirited woman next door. Though the movie is majorly unrealistic and popcornyish, I like it. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I'm a big sap for romantic stuff. Dang it.

blogger basic...hmm...interesting.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm super excited! I found out which dorm i'm living in! As well as who will be my roommate! AHHH! how exciting. North Russell, i think, was my second choice. But it don't really matter where I live. I'm pretty flexible with how i live and i compromise when need be. Only one condition, that she doesn't smell.

Okie dokily, one year ago...yesterday, I went to Garden Valley for Global Expeditions to endeavor into the heart of China, Hong Kong. I did have a wonderful time. I met new people. Experienced God in a new light. And instilled something powerful that will never be taken away from me. Welp, some of the kids that went to China last year, is going to Thailand this year with the same ministry. Man, I am so excited for them. Thailand. For two WHOLE months! That's really exciting. Now that I think about it, the entire process of mission trips is just wild. I love it. They're doing church planting which consists of building relationships and spiritual discipleship. It certainly is amazing.

ooh, on another note, my friend is going to japan for a month or two? Yeah, that's super duper. I love that these caucasians are just going out there for God and to throw a mass load of love on the natives. Anyway, I'm so jealous of him. He gets to live with a missionary familly and just minister with them. AND get this, he gets to go climb Mount Fuji!! Danng. I so want to be him.

AND, my friend, Alicia, is going to Papua New Guinea with Wycliffe ministries. I met her through school and i've only known her for a year or so. She's so great. She is the one who started the fellowship at Clements. And she intends on being a long term missionary. Oh man oh man, I am absolutely amazed and so happy for her. Though, I know I won't ever see her again, I'll pray for her always.

These kids, teenagers, are going out there and risking pride and self gratification to glorify God. I admire them so much. And love them always.

"I guess I'm looking for something supernatural."

Everyone wants to be believe in something their own. Something that has divine wisdom and power. Something higher than themselves. Once it becomes sooooo mundane or common or ordinary or routine, it becomes boring. I don't want what I believe in to become boring and listless. I want to be selfish about God. I do want God to have a special place in my heart, where each day i look into my heart searching for that one place. I guess, in the past, I overreacted to stir supernatural response. Some kind of drama. Some kind of emotion. SOme kind of sign that life exists within my friends. Life without boundaries. Life with prosperity and joy and spirit. I want people to be real with me. I want people to love rather than socialize. I want people to react. I want people to show they're alive! I want something supernatural, something divine.

I'm in a world of my own.

potato pancakes recipe:
4 potatoes, 1 onion, 2 egg whites, salt, pepper, chives. Mush 'em together and deep fry. Simple enough.

I watched date plate. Two guys cook for a girl to get a date with her. What a way to get to a girl's heart, food. I also watched Caddyshack. Pretty funny movie.

So yep, the weekend is dead and done. Graduation was very surreal. I didn't understand what was going on. I was more dazed than I have ever been. That entire day was just...me staring into space every 2 seconds, seriously. I couldn't believe what was going on. It'll hit me soon enough. It takes a while for me to soak in the information bit by bit. I heard Dulles' valedictorian was Christian so he gave props to God in his speech, which is awesome. That's very neato. Our speakers were good, i think. They talked about typical stuff; the memories, the projects, the events, etc. I was there just for them to call my name and leave. yeah, i guess i STILL don't take high school seriously as i should.

I have to say, some of my friends' blogs are really endearing. They talk about their senior friends with great fun and love. It's almost poetic.

Wanna know what's been on my mind? eh, I guess i'm thinking about my future more than ever now. What is in store for me? I'm excited about living in a dorm with a complete stranger. There's something so wild and adventurous about that, isn't it? Some people say that's kinda scary....oh yeah it is. But it's more exciting for me. I guess I always enjoyed meeting new people. I suppose new people just don't want to meet me. Oh well, my roommate will just have to put up with me =)

Thank you for coming to my graduation, guys. I appreciate it. *goofy smile*

okie dokily. I love blogger. I wouldn't trade it for anything. not livejournal, not deadjournal (?), not diaryx, not even xanga. Nope, i'm staying true to my roots. I will NOT conform to the ways of the rest of internet world. I will NOT publicly post my personal thoughts other than Blogspot. Because I AM loyal and gosh darn it, I love this place.

=) I cried during felicity. Can you believe it? It was when felicity found out Noel died. I liked him. Even though he was a pushover, I still thought he could have been made more masculine and not so depressed about losing a high maintenance freak like felicity. Anyway, i have a thing for nice guys. I think i'm getting addictive to that show. It's not even that good. So much drama between Ben..... or Noel. Ben or Noel? BEN OR NOEL??? The entire script revolves around felicity's problem of picking one guy over the other and it's like a tennis tournament. For a while she's with Ben and then a while with Noel and then she goes back to Ben because Noel is too nice and forgiving and then she goes back to Noel because Ben treats her like crap. I don't get it. Wouldn't you rather be treated nicer and as if you were the only girl that existed? (Speaking on terms of the fact that I've only watched a few shows which have been from the last season of felicity's existence) Anyway, enough jibber jabber about a wasted hour watching ridiculous banter. On to more important issues...

I just watched Real World, Hawaii. MTV is being stupid and showing past seasons of Real World before Real World Paris (where I WANNA GO). tv is stupid. but then again. tv movies are awesome. boy, i'm just a hypocrite. Anyway, I stopped myself from watching because I need to get enough sleep because I graduate in 12 hours or so. It's my favorite season. Colin is so cute. Anyway, it's the show before Real World became corrupted. Now, it's debauchery at its worst. It was pretty bad when it started. But man, now, it's like as sinful as watching porn. it's gross. Anyway, i liked this season because i liked each character's personality and they just got along fine and there weren't so much gross stuff. It had deep moments with it. It carried one girl's problem of alcoholism and how she dealt with the whole ordeal. Yeah, i dunno. I just like the cast and the aura with it. (teh AURA....hehe)

so i want to find nemo, but who will come along with me?

Oh, favorite part before i go to sleep. He turned water into wine. =)

oh yeah, school's over...it's time to await my final run down the catwalk. Graduation! who knew that at one swish of a tassle, i'll become Class of 2003 graduate of Clements High School?

eh, i never realized i had to go through the whole process of leaving high school with the memories, the goodbyes, the pictures, the hugs, the john hancocks, and the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm going to miss it even though i complain about it half that time. (err, I complain about it in my head) i dun wanna get into details about what I'm going to miss. I'll just leave it at that.

So I watched Bruce Almighty. The ONE person who I thought would absolutely die of laughter. The ONE person that would not stop laughing even after the movie was over. The ONE person who appreciates the beauty of comedy. ENDS UP thinking the movie was just..."okay" I thought the movie was a work of art, comedy at its best form, all actors should kiss Jim Carrey's feet and make a shrine of his toenails....okay okay, so it's not THAT special. I just liked it a lot. I couldn't believe Michael didn't do ANY impersonations. All he said was, "it's okay". I guess he's too mature for me.

Anyway, I liked it because it was silly with a moral twist. Rotten Tomatoes had more bad reviews than good. err, it did remind me of Liar Liar. oh well, just a great movie. I have to say it's one of my favs.

i also watched matrix 2. Well that was kind of disappointing. I didn't like it. *gasp* I wish i did but i don't. No story, no essence. Just Neo kicking the same guy over and over and over again.

Anticipating: finding nemo, down with love, identity, how to deal....err more to come.

let anger fuel life

High school termination countdown: 2 freaking days
I just finished talking to one of my friends. I've known her since I came to Texas. And for a time, I felt like she was my best friend. She talked to me when nobody else did. She befriended me. Over these past 6 years, we've grown apart due to distance. I still invited her to my graduation because I love and appreciate her. But, for some, reason, I get a weird vibe from her. She kept her distance and told me she couldn't come, but congratulated me anyway. After all these years, I wish someone could tell me why we're not close friends anymore. If I haven't seen someone I love for a long period of time, I would be honored if they just invited me to go to a special event of theirs. I dunno. It's a weird feeling, this feeling inside of me.

I watched Dumbo again yesterday. Oh, the memories. He is just absolutely darlin'. I love that movie. Lion King will always be number 1 in my heart. But Dumbo has great memories behind it. For instance, two or three years ago, i went to Andy's graduation. A few of his friends were great guitar players and worship leaders. One of which was a guy, who was pretty cute. Andy told me that he knew how to play one of the songs from Dumbo. And i wanted to hear it so bad. But he didn't. Well not at least until the last night that we were there. You know that scene where Jumbo (dumbo's mom) was locked up and dumbo came to see her and she picked him up and swinged him by her trunk, the song is so sweet. Yeah thats the song. I'm a dork, but I started to cry when i was watching it. It's such a silly thing to do, but I just did. Oh and the guy looked cute while he was playing the song....hehe.

Anyway! I don't know why I cried. Maybe it was the sentimental idea of love. Maybe I just need to cry.

High school termination countdown: 3 freaking days
Obsessed with Hairspray right now. I can't seem to get the music out of my head.

"Good Mornin' Baltimore
Everyday's like an open door
Every night is a fantasy
Every sound's a symphony."

"Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Cause Momma I'm a big girl, now!"

High school termination countdown: 4 freaking days
Mr. Ronnenkamp said I had a nice smile =) Thanks! I look in the mirror sometimes, and I wonder, "why did God give pretty smiles?" What is the purpose, you know? Is it to brighten up somebody's day or is to show emotion or is it suppose to display sparking white teeth? I remember, the one thing that I heard so much over the summer was the fact that I had a beautiful smile. For some reason, it makes me happy...Oh man, I'm such a dork.

Betsy Ushkrat and Tyler Smith came again. Betsy is sooo pretty. She's going to be on the contest for Miss Texas. I hope she wins. She has an amazing voice. And as does Tyler Smith. He sang for us in class. I was amazed that a guy can sing so beautifully, well of course Josh Groban, but it was real life, not fake music editing. I'm thinking about taking singing lessons with him over the summer, try to hone my vocal chords. =)

My hair is starting to aggravate me. My hair grows so fast. But I don't want to cut it, yoiu know? Like I wanna grow out my long pretty hair again, so I look like a "woman, W-U-O-M-A-N" Anyway, yeah. I got to get a better look at lover boy in the yearbook. He's not that good looking, but he's got a gracious heart and so niiice. ANd on another note, Nice guys DON'T finish last. They get first choice.

For four years, I sang on stage, I danced on stage, and i have made an ass of myself on stage. Tonight, or rather last night, was my last choir show, my last night. It is so surreal knowing that this time next year, I won't be in high school choir. I'm going to miss it so much. Singing on stage drives so much adrenaline that man, there were so many times where I dreamed of lighting up Broadway with my imagination. Tonight was special as every last choir show for seniors are special. I met a sweet, generous guy. I had a short solo (and i MEAN short). I made a fool of myself. I got to see all the girls and boys that I've grown with, sing and dance. And I got to work the stage. I love it. Oh, I miss it already.

She looks in,
they look out.
She walks on,
they walk about.
She stands still,
they hurry along.
She opens her eyes,
they blind themselves.
...sorrow leak while
estranged beyond eternity...

Oh, and another goal of mine for this year: to go to FIF concert NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if no one i know likes them, I AM GOING TO THEIR CONCERT.

High school termination countdown: 8 days
I was reading through my archives...and I remembered this post and it was notable post so I'm going to post it up again. How's that for repetition?

the great thing about Stefenee is that she is able to be teachable. She takes criticism into her own hands and can acknowledge that she has done wrong.

I learn that I'm not ready to be teachable. I don't take criticism lightly. sigh. That deeply rooted pride...bugger. One thing that women are to be...is teachable. the ability to understand and receive the fact that they've done wrong and learn from their mistakes. Though it is hard, it's required by us from God, well, not like God expects us to be teachable right when we come of our mother's womb. It takes a lot of pain and time to understand humility at its best. Philippians 2:14 (amp)
"Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining [against God] and questioning and doubting [among yourselves].

(i'm such a dork....i'm reposting what i've already posted? haha)

High school drama termination countdown: 10 days
I've been going to 24 hour fitness over the past week. so been pretty tired and sore. Once my body gets used to the torture, I'll be okay. Anyway, so yeah, I've been thinking. Thinking a lot. Where do you come to the point where you give your all to God? I once figured, when you hit rock bottom, you gotta go up. I suppose you can look at it that way. But I wanna say that deep within me, I don't want my life to be a cycle of "Oh man, I sinned and I must repent and go back to God", but rather a deeper thirst and yearning for the things of God. For an intimate portrait of communion between God the Father and Grace the child. Repentance is essential. But it may become routine, you know? In some form, a mix of legalism and complacency arises in the spirit. I'm ignorant. I don't know much. But what I know, I try to utilize and am always trying to understand life for what its worth. So forgive me, but I'm tired of "Christianity" and how "structured" it has become. I just wish...I don't know, I just wish that God will smack us into place all at once. But then everybody is at a different level in spirituality. It so complex, this life is. I'm just full of contradictions. I wish for consistency.

High school drama termination countdown: 13 days
I read annie's blog. She updated! woot woot. anyway, she was really honest in how she looked at blogging/journaling/whatever you call this online. People censor what they have to say. They choose not to be open about who they are. It really surprised me, okay, I was really really elated. I got taken back that people at my school can be honest with themselves. Not to be critical, but truthful, the kids at my school are so smothered with schoolwork that it disguises their faces. I have never really encountered such transparency as Annie has shown me. Sure, i am intimidated by her, but I admire her for her individuality and honesty.
By and by, I went by the registrar's office. They had the list of the Class of '03 Cum Laude and Magna Cum Laude. The people who I thought weren't really active, actually, are, or they wouldn't be in 10%, or even 5%. I kinda regret wasting my first two years with mistake after mistake of not studying for tests or keeping up with my grades. But then i think, after all of this is dead and done, High School will only be a chapter of Grace's menagerie. Right when I'm living on my own, raising kids on my own, and doing stuff on my own, that's when it all counts. For now, I'm just being a steward of my time and money and stuff. Oh man, "my own" I've been focusing a lot about me. Dang it. Right when I'm living with God, raising kids with God, and doing stuff with God... that's when it all counts....That sounds better.

High school drama termination countdown: 16 days
AP English Literature - May 5
AP Chemistry - May 13
dang, it's already May. boohoo. I'm graduating soon. =(

High school drama termination countdown: 21 days
Grrr, I decided to take a nap between 4:30 and 5:00. I just woke up...So I'll be online for quite awhile since I have nothing to do. My cube is not cooperating as much as I would like for it to. It's hard. How can a oh-so-seemingly simple puzzle turn out to be soo hard?! Michael has already given up due to great frustration of "How? What? I hate this thing! I am going to shoot it and make it die!" It's quite amusing, but also quite sad. Anyway, I had a pretty pointless day at school, again. Not much has been going on as the closing of the school year begins. Everybody is talking about college, plans for prom, plans for the summer, nothing about schoolwork. haha. Though, I have to admit, it's nice being a senior. An acquaintance of mine in Eco talks about prom everyday and asks me every OTHER day if i was sure about not going to prom. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. It's a waste of money for just a night. Well, at least, that's what I think. Trust me, I'm not one bit bitter about not having a date or such. I just dislike the idea of dressing up just to eat dinner and hang out and do nothing. I doubt that anyone would be interested in talking about God or mission trips or travel plans, cause that's what I'm into at the moment. It's so strange. I'm just sooo different. See, I'd rather just stay at home and be online rather than go out and have a social life. I've always been that way. I guess that's just what I'm used to. I don't oppose the idea of going out and having a grand ol' time, but I just like the idea of being comfortable in my own home. I dunno, perhaps, subconsciously, I want to go, but I'm just making excuses.

I wish I had a companion. It does become hard to handle when you feel like you're the only kind of you in this world, but it's also rewarding to know that you are unique. I find myself trying to conform and when i do, i get really uncomfortable with my mask. It's nice being myself. When i'm myself, i'm happy. But it does have its setbacks. Cause the world think you strange when you different. I have this friend that I've known since sophomore year. She is one of the most unique person. She is one of a kind. She's obsessed with John Travolta. She has a relevantly different sense of style. And she's different. But unfortunately, no one takes that as cool. A lot of people make fun of her for just being herself. People have asked me, "how do you know her? Don't you think she's kinda weird?" At first, yeah, sure I did. That was two years ago. Now, I appreciate her uniqueness and personality. A one of kind. We need more of that nowadays. How come I'm not hanging out with her? Well, the truth is. I haven't had any of the same classes with her. But, anyway, I'll keep her in my prayers nonetheless.

Hehe, I'm reading some of my high school friends' friends blogs and then I read my older friends' friends blogs and there is not much of a difference. talking about daily activity, events, and what not. Don't really get into that nitty gritty "how am i doing" stuff, not very personal. I guess thats just what journals are. A daily account of going-ons of life. *shrugs* There I go again....Why is mine different? Is it different? Do I talk about "what happens" or "what am i thinking?" *shrugs* eh. don't really care I guess.

Perhaps you're wondering about lover boy? Haha. Yeah, he's cute. Yeah, he's funny. Yeah, he's considerate. And yeap, he's totally into God. I just don't have courage to talk to him. It's just nice to know that those kind of guys do exist. I don't associate myself with a lot of guys. Cause often times, I just think they're way too immature. Like they write on each other or make jokes that aren't funny or just plain ol' silly and obnoxious (YES, that's the word I was trying to think of the other day!!). I find myself rolling my eyes at them sometimes. But, i dunno. Don't really need guy relationships. I can have them later. haha.

Think about it, when does life become so routine that you just wanna spontaneously ditch work, family, or friends and escape. Escaping reality of the same ol' crap and venture out into the woods or fly out of a plane or even dive off of a cliff. I don't know about you, but I wanna. Both men and woman want that feeling of exhilaration, whether it be wondering off into the unknown or endeavoring into the wild. Women just seem to want it from relationships, of men or women. Ever since girls were little, they desired to be captured, to be wondered at, or even considered a real life princess. I know I have. I use to think I could be a beautiful singer, gaining the attention of an audience at the mere hum of my voice. Girls have been, since their birth, wanted to be appreciated for. They would run up to daddy with their new bought dress, wanting him to marvel at her beauty. In grade school, hit a boy and ran from him to get his attention and his affection. And, high school on up, we would try to impress with looks, body, intelligence, wealth, or power to get that one guy that, oh man, is so perfect. I dunno. It seems to me that I just want to be looked at as a woman of God and beautiful in His sight rather than the world's sight. Cause, baby, God thinks you foine, girl.
(High school drama termination countdown: 22 days)

my new toy =)

High school drama termination countdown: 23 days
There's seems to be too much space when leaving spaces between lines. So, I will deter myself from doing so as often as I have in the past. I receive notice that I am a Texas Scholar, but I do not what benefits it reaps as of yet. I am eager to discover why I am a Texas Scholar as well. I'm feeling kind of restless. I'm totally into that whole planning for what I'm going to do this summer. I'm going to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish with the few months I have left before college and make sure that I enjoy it thoroughly because, I think, i deserve it as much as the rest of them. I wanted to backpack through Europe, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I would like it to happen, but I want the prospective people that I go with to have the same level of excitement as I have, which is very high, but hey, Europe is like a once in a lifetime deal for me. If I'm not excited, who is? I dunno, I really really really wanted to go the summer of my graduation. Maybe. I'll pray about it some more. Maybe God just wants me to stay home and take some time evaluating myself as a being. But I kept asking God, why would you put this desire in my heart then? Psalm 20:4 says "May He grant you according to your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans." Or maybe he just puts it there and then I prepare myself for it in the coming years. I dunno. I didn't prepare myself for China as well as I should have, but I had a blast. Oh well, it's totally God's thing. But....arggg....I wanna gooo!

I got an optical wireless mouse. It's super nifty. I can use the computer 6 to 10 feet away. *awe of Microsoft technology*

i should be studying for the three tests that I need to make up...But instead...I'm bloggin' =)

My nose is all watered up. I sneeze every couple of minutes...*pause*



AACHOO



*wipes nose*....*pause*....*inhales snot*....yum...

High school drama termination countdown: 25 days

oh me oh my, I'm having that warm fuzzy in the pit of my stomach again.

Hormones start ragin', adrenaline pumpin', and that cute boy a walkin'

Girls, I must confess, I hate this idea of security in a man. Who needs a man when I've got Pooh Bear to hug and hold at night. Who needs a man when I've got Mint Chocolate Ice Cream to make me all giddy. Who needs a man when I've got my momma's shoulder to cry on...

*raises hand* i do.

bored...bored...I am so bored..bored...bored...Grace is so bored...

I can't sleep. So i turn on my computer for amusement. I am still bored. I've been staring at the screen for about 16 minutes...

bOred...bored...Grace is very bored...bored...bored...I am very bored...

*sets alarm clock for 5:45*

"God, I pray that 7 hours from now, I will be awake because my alarm goes off. With your will and your discipline in me, wake me up. I wake up late because I feel that I need more sleep, but I really don't. It only means I'm unmotivated. So motivate me, Lord. Motivate me to promptly wake up because I want to wake up not because I have to. But because I want to. Just to spend more time with you, Jesus."

Bowling For Soup. I like their candy machine. =)

I keep hearing "Girl all the bad guys want" and I went on thinking "Is it the girl all the bad guys want....or the girl all the fat guys want?" hehe. Cause that would have been interesting. The girl all the fat guys want. As if there's something about her that appeals specifically to fat guys...hehehe...I don't think fat guys are freaky at all. They're just about the nicest guys around. They just have more weight.

I just did 200 crunches...it feels so good....going for 250 without stopping...

So, Spring Show. I'm excited about it. It's my last one!! I was coming home from UIL rehearsal, and I was like, maaann, it's my LAST SHOW. No more stage. No more adrenaline on stage. No more high school drama. It's going to be so weird this time next year, NOT getting ready for the show.

Oh man, kiddos. I just realized I'm 18. blah. I was telling my friend a story about one of the retreats I went to. Afterwards, I was like mannn, where did all the time in between then and now, go?

I was listening to KSBJ this morning. Michael W Smith was on the morning show. Man, he said some great stuff. He has a very soft voice, but firm and distinct. He spoke about fellowship with the other artists like it was something so common, yet so precious. Boy, that's really neato. He seemed pretty humble about his status. That's very hard to do under the circumstances that he's in. Anyway, yeah, I wanted to listen more, but I was already late to school...

Speaking of being late, I moved! Yes, my family and I moved to a different house...One that is closer to civilization. hehe. but also in another school district. =( Anyway, so now I have to drive about 15 to 20 minutes to get to school which is kinda a drag, but it's okay... I'll deal with it.

Taking the English and Chem AP. I don't know what I was thinking that day. I can't take those APs. I don't excel at taking tests...nonetheless, taking a test under pressure? Blah. Chem is more memorization and English...I think I shouldn't even try. Staying awake in class is hard enough to do. I have to stay awake during a test....AND do well? major poo. But that's what I get for being absent minded.

The new look on the tv guide c h an ne l looks super-nifty =)

Wow, it's already April. Whew-ee. I graduate in less than two months. AHHH. that's insane. I don't even feel like I'm 18. I don't even look it.

I think the older I get, the less opinions I have about life. I guess I figure, I don't understand, so I don't want to bother. Therefore, less blogging results. But, I'll try to be more thoughtful the next time I visit internet land.

Okay, I'm going to take a 15 minute nap before I go to the doctor.