Brokeback Mountain.

Man, I'm suppose to finish my paragraph summaries for my Wall Street assignment.

But before i do, I need to get my Brokeback commentary off my chest.

I was suppose to watch it earlier on last week. But somehow, it didn't work out. Originally, i had planned on watching it thursday. But then again, i got busy with random stuff. AFC was fun. I was being a bully with Elaine and Jen. haha fun stuff. We weren't really bullies, but we were having way to much fun making fun of each other and other people...

The next day, i woke up earlier than usual to go to Barfield to start or "practice" decorating. After 4 hours of productivity, Elaine and I venture to the movies. We were kind of in a rush because we hadn't eaten and made a trip to Wendy's with decorating crew. 5 minutes before the show started, we left for Galaxy. Good thing we were in time for the last few previews.

At first, I was confused and kind of taken back by the introduction of Jack and Ennis. But as soon as the story begins to develop, I was drawn into their lives. I think i identify with Ennis. Not that I'm hiding some big secret, but all my life, i have never been really expressive about how i feel. Usually, the times that i've burst have either been in my dreams or in front of a particular person. I'm the kind of person to bottle things up. But as soon as an X factor appears to trigger an emotional breakdown, I start being hysterical. Based on Elaine's reference of elements, i think i would be earth too. I don't think i'm much a water kind of gal. Maybe I want to be perceived as such. But at the end of the day, i'm really earthy.

Jack was Ennis' particular person. I want a Jack. So romantic. So kind. So passionate.

I may be ruining the movie...

Again, I went in the theater as a cynic and was ready to be judgmental about the controversial movie. But, fortunately the story of an undying love pulled me in and shattered all my presumptions about what the movie may have implied. I have to say, brokeback mountain is the greatest love story that i've ever encountered.

Each time they fought, I could see how they were struggling with their hatred of what they cannot change. Yet their love of what they have as destined lovers seemed to have always conquered. sigh. i love it. And every time they met up, it was though nothing had changed and they were back to where they first met, Brokeback Mountain.

I really admire both actors for the work they did in the film. They were truly incredible. There was a scene where Ennis (Heath) cradles Jack's upper body with one arm around Jack's neck and the other over his chest. I really like that scene because the way he positions himself behind Jack makes me think that Ennis is trying to protect Jack and what he has with him. And because he's not expressive with his words, his loving guesstures is proof of his love for Jack.

The relationship between the two men made me realize what kind of love i wanted. I want a love that aside from the consequences of accidental mistakes, my heart will be given to a heart that's willing to be taken away. unconditional love. I want a love where even though i may make mistakes, I'll keep coming back to make up for my mistakes. I want a love where time seems to pass too quickly to grasp.

And then, the relationship Ennis had with his daughter reminded me of my relationship with my dad. As i was growing up, i never understood my father. He didn't love me the way i saw other girls' fathers treated their daughters. As a result, i purposely blindsided myself to think that my father will never take time to love me as i ought to be loved. I cried whenever Alma Jr. tried to reach out to Ennis, and Ennis, in turn, never showed any kind of emotion. sigh.

Overall, this movie makes me sad. Maybe it's a good sad. Brings me back to reality of how cruel the world can be.

"God! I wish I knew how to quit you."