Friday night I had such a bad bad dream. It was all of my worst and most depressing thoughts into one whole basket. This is how it went. I had to take the SATs. But I wanted to stop by a concert of my friends. As I stepped into the coffee shop, I realized it wasn't the band I knew. I wanted to call my friend to find out what happened. I realized I had ran out of battery, but I called anyway. She said, "Oh, we're not playing there. I decided a week ago I didn't want to play at THAT coffee shop" and she hung up. Great. It reminded me of how my friends didn't call me up when there was something going on. I felt left out. A loner. My heart started to crush. I decided to hang out a bit. Listened to the music. Looking around to see so many people having fun while I sat, alone. I just wanted to see a friendly face. And then I said, the hell with that. I needed to take the SATs. The anxiety kicks in and I start to run. But then I saw my old youth pastor Long. It was great seein' him again. I went up to him. I said, "Hi Long!" and just I suspected he went, "Hi GRACE, I haven't seen you for the longest time, how are you?". He always made me feel special no matter what. Well, after I told him why I was there, we had that awkard moment of silence which was really really really freaky. And so I thought, "maybe we can talk about God because I know he loves God". And so I sat down and started to tell him about what God has been doing in my life. At first he looked as if he was absolutely interested, but then, this beautiful girl comes by and he starts to hit on her totally ignoring me, as if I was oblivious to him. I stormed out of the coffee shop. I ran with tears to the parking lot. I have a good memory as to locating my car. But for some reason my car wasn't where I had parked. I ran eveywhere. I searched through each area. For some reason, I couldn't find it. The day was beginning to drag on. "I had to take that SAT test, if I dont' my dad's going to kill me" I said to myself. You know that feeling of total confusion, frustration, anguish, fear, and despair all in one when you get lost? Well, multiply that by 1000, that's how I felt in the dream. Then I went back to the coffee shop. Some lady comes up to me and asks me for a ride. I said okay. okay? OKAY? I can't even find my car, how can I take someone home? Well, I went to the parking lot I had originally thought it was. And guess what? It was there all right. But...it had been totalled. It looked as if someone to a sledgehammer and knocked the hell out of it. Out of ALL the damn cars, MY CAR was smashed. I didn't understand it at all. I fell down to my knees and cried like a baby. I cried and had no understanding of love or kindness or joy. All I felt was despair, frustration, fear, anxiety, depression, and most of all, insane. All I wanted to do was kill myself. All I wanted was to release me of the pain I was going through.