sweet dream amongst nightmares

Finally, a nice sweet dream. I was in the company of a few other foreigners and one of them included Henry Cavill. *swoon

I had walked away to use the restroom. I went back to the waiting room and saw HC on the arm of the couch reading a magazine and two others having an intelligent conversation, so I sat on the opposite side of them and kind of dwindled my fingers. After a few moments, HC came over and started a conversation with me and was super sweet and charming.

It was wondrous. I haven't felt giddy in a long time. And even though it was brief and unreal, it was a nice change from the string of nightmares I've been having.

zombies

What a frightening dream. I don't know where it began, but it seemed as if I was being picked up from the airport and already distraught from the news of a zombie apocalypse. D (surprisingly) was the one to pick me up and my one request was for him to hold me and not let go while we walked through the abandoned streets. And he agreed. As we walked down the streets, I would see zombies out of the corner of my eye and D assured me that they wouldn't harm me which I thought was odd. Once we were more removed from the zombies, I tried looking for my mother hoping she was still human. After searching for a while, I found my mom except she didn't really acknowledge me. But I went with her anyway.

That night there was a dinner that I was obligated to attend and wasn't sure why. It turned out that the zombies weren't attacking because of an agreement made. There was a sacrifice to made on behalf of human kind which would happen the day after. After that, the zombies will live in peace with us. But I was very skeptical to think the zombies would just agree to live with us. So, the next day, I went to my house awaiting the sacrifice to be made so that we can go back to normalcy. But. I was wrong. An undead woman came to my door, trying to break in. And I kept her out until she reached the back door. I told her to go away, but she said, "you are not going to keep me from coming in." Soon the bolts for the door started to shake and I started to scream for fear of my life. Then I woke up.

I've been having many nightmares lately. I'm not sure why. I hope I have sweeter dreams tonight.

life is moving too fast, I can't catch up

Oh dear, many of my good or close friends are getting married or having babies. It's here. It was inevitable. Life is speeding past me, I don't know how to run faster.

What to do.

28

It only just recently struck me that I'm 28 years old. It happened when I met up P and J a few days ago. They came to Taipei for vacation and it was so amazing to see them here. I get super excited when I have friends come visit me, and there have been quite a few who have purposely chosen to meet me which really warms my heart. But anyway, we met up to go to eat lunch, walk through the National Palace Museum, got milk tea, walked around to find a parlor, picked up a 12 boxes of pineapple cakes, and ate spicy hot pot. We had good conversations all around, mainly to catch up and share stories of what our lives have been about these last few years. Now that I've had to time to slow down and recollect our past, I can't believe it's been nearly 10 years since we've known each other, that's when my age had finally hit me. Not in a bad way, but a wow, time surely has passed kind of way. We've all grown up and moved on with our lives in our separate directions. We were so young and naive back in college, and now, probably still young and naive, but at least, prepared to face the world as it comes knowing that there's always room to grow and learn.

Hiking in Filial Son Mountain

There were just so many funny moments on this hike that I need to record it somewhere before I forget.

N: I feel like I'm walking like a fat person.
J: I'm sorry for touching your butt.
G: This was not what I was expecting.
S: Slow pace.
G: I look like I rolled around in mud.
A: He needs to fill his pants.
G: Why are you fixated on his ass?

It was a grueling 5.5 hours of hiking followed by the lantern festival and all of it was well worth it.

Recently, I've noticed that I'm enjoying all my physical activities. I'm much more active than I have ever been. Even though my body hasn't been showing the effort I've put into it, I feel much healthier and lighter. Swimming, walking, and occasionally hiking, consciously aware of what I'm eating...all have been good habits that I've adopted since moving to Taipei. I know that I would not do the same in Texas, lol.

going out

Saturday night was great. Elaine invited me to have dinner with her family. By then, I had hung out with her family quite a few times and felt like I was a part of their family in some way. That night, E's dad was treating her mom's whole side of the family which included her "half" family. I still find it wild that her grandfather had two wives and each wife has 4 children who has had children which means a very confused me. I kept asking who was related to who and who's child is who's. It's so wild but at the same time so amazing. Because she has such a big family and everyone is still very much close or at the very least cordial and willing to meet for family reunions. Her dad's side of the family is also huge. Anyway...

So, I went to 京華城 around 5pm. I arrived early so I walked around a bit. As the elevator door opens up to go to the 9th floor, I saw that it was nearly full but I recognized E's cousin and I quickly realized everyone in the elevator was part of E's family and E was in the back! lol. So, there were two rooms -- one for the adults, one for the children and both had karaoke. There were approximately 40 people in attendance and it was really fun. After dinner, we were headed to Club Pasoul. E's cousin had connections to a lot of clubs so he got us in for free even though he wasn't there; he just spoke to the cashier and we were in. The club itself was nice. It had a very lounge-y feel to it. Once we got in, we decided to get drinks. As we waited, I was sad to see no one dancing. While we stood there with our drinks, a host came by and offered the empty tables to us and it was 1000NT which wasn't bad at all. R mentioned her cousin said that once you get the drink coupon, get a drink, and they'll give you free drink refills. I was almost in disbelief until we saw people going up to the bar with empty glasses and pitchers. I was thinking, "this is too good to be true!" Once I saw someone get a refill, my spirit was lifted and I was immediately overjoyed. I haven't felt that excited about anything until that point. I stuck with whiskey and coke all night.

The DJ was playing house music up until maybe 11:30p. Once he started playing top 40, we started to feel loose and dancey. R and I went to the dance floor when there weren't that much people. But suddenly a flood of people came unto the dance floor and to my surprise, most of them were guys! It was weird. So, I walked to our tables because it was getting too crowded. A funny moment was when Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" came on, we all got excited because she's from Houston and A yelled, "Houston reppin' in the house!"

It was my first official club experience in Taipei and it was a decent one especially because of the free drink refills.

dream man

Dear The Man in my Dreams,

You are exactly what I want. You know exactly what to say to give me chills and butterflies. You know what to do to make me smile and giddy. Your smile makes my heart melt. Your touch feels more real to me than my last handshake. 

I wish...I could stay with you forever. 

meanderings

I miss the days when blogging was the prominent thing to do amongst my friends. I remember the first year I entered college, xanga was on everyone's daily to-do list. Whether it was recording the day's happenings, reflections, tragedies, comedies, anything-- at least one friend would update on something!

I'm determined to bring it back, somehow. lol. Okay, maybe not so much. I haven't publicly chronicled my journey in this foreign land. Is it about time that I do?

Probably. I've already had way too many fob moments. I've been forgetting words, forming incorrect sentences, and looking up the dictionary for words I inherently know the meaning to...

If I consistently blog, it'll help me maintain proper English and put my thoughts in writing. Which brings me back to my original thought. lol. I wish more people blogged because I would feel more connected to my friends and keep me inspired to write my own thoughts on this little spec.

He said, "You're more beautiful in person than you are in your photo." :)

That was the most memorable line of the date.

So I went on a date with a boy. He wanted to eat sukiyaki, so we met up after my class to eat lunch. With this being our first meeting after a couple skype conversations, I went into the date with the expectation of making a friend. Thus, it turned out to be very casual and brief. He wasn't exactly sure of the location of the restaurant, so I found it kind of ironic that I was leading the two of us to a restaurant he had been to before. I tried to make sure our conversation flowed because we already had a language barrier. Lunch was good. I enjoyed that he was thoughtful in making sure I ate the foods I liked. Once we were done eating though, the conversation started to feel strained. I think I felt I was beginning to irritate him, maybe? I was asking a lot of questions and at one point, felt like I was prying.   He misunderstood me when I asked, "Was the divorce recent?" He began to say, "I don't know the reason..." Then, I repeated myself to avoid correcting him. And he thought for a moment, and shorted with, "That doesn't matter."


Maybe I shouldn't ask about someone's parents' divorce, maybe? Maybe that's a memo I missed. 


Once that moment passed, I just decided to keep it cool and aloof. We paid our checks separately and were on our way to the movie theater to watch the Amazing Spiderman. Again, I led the way. Once we arrived at the theater, the next movie time available was 8:45pm which was like 6 hours later. So he decided to go home because he was waiting for a call. We parted ways and that was it.

I don't think this guy knows how to woo a girl -- much like many Taiwanese guys. Even though I had the expectation of gaining a friendship, I don't think he can afford to be so passive about relationships at his age. Is that judgmental? Probably.

To be completely honest, I seem to be easily bored with the dates I've been on. There's that first initial twinge of excitement about meeting with someone new and possibly interesting -- full of promise and potential. But as the date progresses, I find myself losing interest, bored, and disappointed.

massage envy

Today, I went to get a full body massage and a facial with my aunt. I've always been wary of people touching me -- I even flinch when friends try to hug me. But I'm always up for a new experience and I heard Taiwanese massage spas are the best. The spa is a short walk from Ming Yao heading south and was a quaint little place that reminds me of a Japanese cottage in the woods or something. I stripped down and took a quick rinse. My masseuse looked like she was in her early 20s. She told me to lay face down. She started with my legs and told me to tell her what level of pressure was comfortable for me. To be honest, she was so strong and everything she did hurt, but I didn't say anything. I could feel myself tense up each time she massaged against my muscles. Once she was done with my legs, she started working on my back. It was quiet up until the time she started on my arms. She saw my tattoo and excitedly started to ask me questions about if it hurt and how she wouldn't do it herself. I'm glad she broke the ice because that's when I started to loosen up. We exchanged questions about life here, our families, and boys :p Then it was time for my front side. By then, I was much more relaxed. The body massage was for an hour and then the following hour was the facial. I liked the facial very much. Once she was finished, I got up and had trouble walking straight -- my calves were killing me. lol. It was an overall enjoyable experience. My aunt already scheduled me for another  one next Friday.

She bought a 100-session deal for 4,000NT, 400NT per 2-hour session is like 15USD. It's an amazing deal. I think a regular session is about 800NT which is still cheaper than it is in the states. And I assume the quality is much better too...oh I'm sore.

costco

Taipei has two Costco locations!! My goodness, once I walked in, I felt like I was in the states again buying bulk. Except all the bulk items now are in Chinese.

After we finished, I ran straight towards the deli to buy a polish and drink for 50NT. #simplejoy

sudoku

i learned how to play it today! #simplejoy

mini bombs of family drama

My mom just dropped a bunch of family drama my way. Occasionally, I imagine what growing up in a semi-stable family would look like. But then, I revert back to reality and remember that everyone is handed exactly what he or she needs. What matters is what you do in response.

When I think about having children, I ask myself, would I want to raise children in the state that the world is in right now? Sad to say, but I'm leaning more towards no.

How do I pray for God to develop patience in my future husband?
-Pray he will turn to God and that God's peace will help him to be inwardly calm and willing to wait.
-Pray he will have a quiet and steady faithfulness to God.
-Pray he will be content in every state he finds himself in.
-Pray his eyes will be focused on things to come, rather than things he wished he had now.
-Pray he will not push for answers before the time is right.
-Pray he will trust God's sense of timing.
-Pray he will be reminded of all the times God has been patient with him.
-Pray he waits with hope and expectancy.

The Love Story

Will your love story come true? For many of you it will. Concerning your future husband it could be in the near(er) future, or like some, it could be years in the distance. It could be a quick romance. It could be a slow falling in love. It could be exactly like you pictured it or like nothing you ever dreamed. But when the day comes that your story is celebrated by your closest friends and family, you'll know that every prayer was worth it. And you might even wish you'd prayed more, because prayers are the first gifts you give to your future husband. Gifts that heaven participates in giving.

While we can't guarantee every one of you will have that type of love story, there is another type we do believe will take place. Everyone, everywhere can have a beautiful love story with her God. It begins the moment you look into His eyes, realize how much you are loved, and give your love and commitment in return.

While we cannot guarantee your prayers will lead you down the aisle to a waiting mate, we do know that every prayer whispered is precious to God. None of them are wasted. While we hope your prayers for the man of your dreams come true, we know that your prayers bring you closer to the God of your eternity. And seeing the love in His gaze is the most beautiful love story of all.

If you are to be committed to anything, be committed to preparing your heart for God's — in this way — and in every other aspect of your life. The love you'll experience will be life-changing, and the celebration in eternity is one to look forward to with all your heart.

excerpt from "Praying for Your Future Husband"
by Tricia Goyer and Robin Jones Gunn

The Voice

Adam Levine: First of all, Blake, you a real vocalist, a damn good vocalist.
Blake Shelton: Thank you. I love you, Adam.
Adam Levine: I love you, too...totally in a non-sexual way.
Blake Shelton: ...I can't say the same.

BigByte

So, I taught English to young learners for approximately two months. A female teacher who is my age was pregnant, and the school was desperately looking for a substitute to fill her position while she took her maternity leave. I happily stepped in. These last two months were great. I learned a lot from observing her and other teachers and how they teach kids. I had a good handle on the kids before their winter break, but never regained the same level of control. I don't know if it was because of all the school activities or that I was a bad teacher, but I had a hard time.

Like last week, for instance, I asked the students to do a simple writing exercise. But they wouldn't stop complaining, kept getting out of their seat, and disrupting class. There was a boy who explicitly said, "I don't like Teacher Grace." I didn't know if he was trying to say, "I don't like {writing}, Teacher Grace," or that he really meant his distaste for me...

Nevertheless, I miss them. I met up with the HR lady who hired me in the first place. I was under the impression that this was a sure thing -- that I would definitely have a spot for the upcoming year. But within the first ten minutes of our conversation, she said there weren't any openings at the school.

This isn't a bad thing, it gives me a chance to venture out and try other schools or other job opportunities. Also, it's given me a lot of time to think if teaching really is something that I can see myself doing. But, after the pondering comes to a short pause, all I can think about is how much I miss my friends. Yes, I have a weird dependency on them -- can't say no, people pleaser, separation anxiety, etc. But it's one of those feelings I can't let go, no matter how attractive living in Taipei is. Pros: the healthcare is amazing here, cost of living is minimal, and most importantly, my parents. The fact that I don't have friends here isn't a big deal. My dad says that my friends in the US will always be there for me. If I move back to the states, I won't have a car, a home, or a job...

a job. right. I need to find a job now. Which brings me back to my first thought. I wonder if I would make a good teacher. I'm leaning more towards no. so confused. Oh well, I'll just procrastinate some more in the meantime.

American Idol Season 11

I was never really an avid follower of American Idol. Now that it is in its 11th season, I finally have fallen prey to the Idol bug. My love for music is returning to my heart now that I'm following Heejun Han and Phillip Phillips. Being overseas, I won't be able to participate in the voting. But I'm definitely going to buy Phillips record once he wins.

Recap

Man, I just realized I've had this blog for nearly 12 years. It's crazy how old I've gotten and how the experiences of my life has been recorded in this little spec of the internet.

So I have to recap 2011 for memory's sake.

• Put the house on the market
• Kissed a stranger
• Ran a 5k
• Being a whole lot of awesome as a Maid of Honor
• Shot a semi-automatic at a shooting range
• Learned how to let go
• Sold the house
• Tigger's passing
• Moved to Taipei
• Became a teacher (whaaat?)
• Readjusting to living with parents again

It was a crazy year -- but I'm glad I went through it. Made me stronger.

It's hard to describe how I've been feeling lately. I recently moved away from all that is familiar to me to this new foreign place. I came here thinking I would find my greater purpose in this strange new place. For the first few weeks, I was invigorated --excited about the new environment and what the future will hold for me. But as time grows, I find myself to be the same person just in a different place. There are pros and cons to being here, no doubt.

At the end of the day, the sum of my problem is that I have a hard time making friends. Which, ultimately, has left me sad and lonely.

Psalm 104:24-35

24 How many are your works, O LORD! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.
25 There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number-- living things both large and small.
26 There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.
27 These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time.
28 When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things.
29 When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust.
30 When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth.
31 May the glory of the LORD endure forever; may the LORD rejoice in his works--
32 he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke.
33 I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the LORD.
35 But may sinners vanish from the earth and the wicked be no more. Praise the LORD, O my soul. Praise the LORD.